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Threats of havoc, how do I react?
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<blockquote data-quote="GuideMe" data-source="post: 639876" data-attributes="member: 18233"><p>This is exactly why I never had more children. Me and my brother had/have a very toxic relationship and I feel he is more loved and respected than I am, even though I am older and never did the things that he has done. He has been the bane of my existence since the day he has been born, all the way up into my 30's. When we were kids, we fought all the time. I never felt love for him, although, I remember I use to protect him all the time if a bully try to hurt him or something. Other than that, I couldn't stand him and he felt the same way about me. Anyway, because of that, and the millions of other stories that I hear all the time about sibling rivalry (only rarely do siblings get along and actually make each other happy, truly happy), is the reason I never had more kids. I never wanted my daughter to feel that way.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, back to the subject at hand. My brother (he is very handsome and girls fall all over him) girlfriends also use to come to me when they were desperate enough to ask me what's going on ," is he cheating, he hit me, blah, blah, blah" and I totally crossed my boundaries a lot of times because I had so much anger towards him. I would talk sh*t about my own brother to his own girlfriends, A LOT. It wasn't until many years later, that even though I was justified in being angry at him for things he has done to me, however, that is no excuse for doing what I did to him. It's a boundary I should have never crossed, because actually it just brings me down too.<strong><em> I learned (at least for me) you never talk to your siblings romantic partners about them. That is a boundary one shouldn't cross. </em></strong>I actually feel very guilty for all the times I did that to my brother, even though I don't like him very much. I think this is the second time that I have agreed with your son so far, the other time was thanksgiving dinner. I think his anger is justified to be quite honest and maybe he wouldn't be so angry if you validated his feelings when he is in the right. I can tell you, being experienced in this situation, that your daughter was in the wrong , just as I was in the wrong. Think about it, how would you feel if one of your siblings did that to you Orgami? Would you like it if your brother or sister (who you have a rocky relationship with) talked to your husband behind your back about you or whatever the situation is at the time?</p><p></p><p>Even if your daughter didn't talk smack about him, she should not have talk to her period, no matter how innocent her intentions might have been at the time. She is in the wrong, wrong, wrong (because look at all the damage it's doing). Not your son.</p><p></p><p>One way for you to handle it is, tell him you are going to call your daughter and tell her it was wrong for her to do that and do it in front of him. Maybe that's all he needs to hear and see you do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="GuideMe, post: 639876, member: 18233"] This is exactly why I never had more children. Me and my brother had/have a very toxic relationship and I feel he is more loved and respected than I am, even though I am older and never did the things that he has done. He has been the bane of my existence since the day he has been born, all the way up into my 30's. When we were kids, we fought all the time. I never felt love for him, although, I remember I use to protect him all the time if a bully try to hurt him or something. Other than that, I couldn't stand him and he felt the same way about me. Anyway, because of that, and the millions of other stories that I hear all the time about sibling rivalry (only rarely do siblings get along and actually make each other happy, truly happy), is the reason I never had more kids. I never wanted my daughter to feel that way. Anyway, back to the subject at hand. My brother (he is very handsome and girls fall all over him) girlfriends also use to come to me when they were desperate enough to ask me what's going on ," is he cheating, he hit me, blah, blah, blah" and I totally crossed my boundaries a lot of times because I had so much anger towards him. I would talk sh*t about my own brother to his own girlfriends, A LOT. It wasn't until many years later, that even though I was justified in being angry at him for things he has done to me, however, that is no excuse for doing what I did to him. It's a boundary I should have never crossed, because actually it just brings me down too.[B][I] I learned (at least for me) you never talk to your siblings romantic partners about them. That is a boundary one shouldn't cross. [/I][/B]I actually feel very guilty for all the times I did that to my brother, even though I don't like him very much. I think this is the second time that I have agreed with your son so far, the other time was thanksgiving dinner. I think his anger is justified to be quite honest and maybe he wouldn't be so angry if you validated his feelings when he is in the right. I can tell you, being experienced in this situation, that your daughter was in the wrong , just as I was in the wrong. Think about it, how would you feel if one of your siblings did that to you Orgami? Would you like it if your brother or sister (who you have a rocky relationship with) talked to your husband behind your back about you or whatever the situation is at the time? Even if your daughter didn't talk smack about him, she should not have talk to her period, no matter how innocent her intentions might have been at the time. She is in the wrong, wrong, wrong (because look at all the damage it's doing). Not your son. One way for you to handle it is, tell him you are going to call your daughter and tell her it was wrong for her to do that and do it in front of him. Maybe that's all he needs to hear and see you do. [/QUOTE]
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