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Threats of havoc, how do I react?
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<blockquote data-quote="Origami" data-source="post: 639894" data-attributes="member: 18099"><p>Good debate, ladies, and I tend to agree with both points of view. </p><p></p><p></p><p>As per MWM, I have stepped out of the situation now and feel like it has been discussed enough. I won't approach it again. difficult child is still mad at his sister, but seems to have taken his therapist's and my advice to try to not escalate anything. Sister came over last night for dinner, and he told me to let him know if she was coming so he could stay away from her and not have the opportunity for an argument. He stayed in his room and avoided her. I asked if he was sure he didn't want to come out with us (we were having a birthday dinner for my daughter-in-law) and he said no, he wasn't upset, but he didn't want to see his sister right then. He usually doesn't eat at the table with us, so it wasn't that unusual.</p><p></p><p></p><p>GuideMe, maybe I didn't explain fully that I did talk to difficult child and let him know that I understand his anger and that I and his father agree that his sister can be meddlesome and harsh. In fact, sometimes I think she should receive a difficult child label also! She tends to see herself as better than everyone else (especially her little brother) and tries to "fix" things by injecting her worldly wisdom where it's not wanted. She does this with me and my husband, also, and gives us parenting advice. (really!) So difficult child does know, I think, that his father and I are on his side as far as understanding why he gets upset with her, but not on his side when it comes to him lashing out, taking "revenge" in hurtful ways, etc. I've tried not to "take sides" per se, but I think it's a situational thing of who's right and who's wrong at any given time.</p><p></p><p>Just writing this last bit makes me feel like I'm a bit too entrenched in this drama and I need to stay out of it at this point. Which I had already decided, but am verifying this as the best attitude.</p><p></p><p>As for the pushing, shoving, or whatever it was, difficult child claims it was an isolated incident and he and girlfriend have talked about it and put it behind them (he won't do it again, etc. "he says").</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Origami, post: 639894, member: 18099"] Good debate, ladies, and I tend to agree with both points of view. As per MWM, I have stepped out of the situation now and feel like it has been discussed enough. I won't approach it again. difficult child is still mad at his sister, but seems to have taken his therapist's and my advice to try to not escalate anything. Sister came over last night for dinner, and he told me to let him know if she was coming so he could stay away from her and not have the opportunity for an argument. He stayed in his room and avoided her. I asked if he was sure he didn't want to come out with us (we were having a birthday dinner for my daughter-in-law) and he said no, he wasn't upset, but he didn't want to see his sister right then. He usually doesn't eat at the table with us, so it wasn't that unusual. GuideMe, maybe I didn't explain fully that I did talk to difficult child and let him know that I understand his anger and that I and his father agree that his sister can be meddlesome and harsh. In fact, sometimes I think she should receive a difficult child label also! She tends to see herself as better than everyone else (especially her little brother) and tries to "fix" things by injecting her worldly wisdom where it's not wanted. She does this with me and my husband, also, and gives us parenting advice. (really!) So difficult child does know, I think, that his father and I are on his side as far as understanding why he gets upset with her, but not on his side when it comes to him lashing out, taking "revenge" in hurtful ways, etc. I've tried not to "take sides" per se, but I think it's a situational thing of who's right and who's wrong at any given time. Just writing this last bit makes me feel like I'm a bit too entrenched in this drama and I need to stay out of it at this point. Which I had already decided, but am verifying this as the best attitude. As for the pushing, shoving, or whatever it was, difficult child claims it was an isolated incident and he and girlfriend have talked about it and put it behind them (he won't do it again, etc. "he says"). [/QUOTE]
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Threats of havoc, how do I react?
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