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Three girls of my own and a homeless teen
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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 752783" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Hi Michelle,</p><p>Welcome to the board! You are dealing with a lot! The number one most important thing in all of this is to take care of yourself, because without that you have nothing to give to anyone .</p><p></p><p>Your husband's and your daughters' feelings belong to them. They can hate you if they so chose and you are absolutely powerless over that. If you get yourself into a situation that will make you miserable , you will hate yourself and everyone around you. The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Protect it.</p><p></p><p>While the girl's situation is horrible, it is not your responsibility. That may sound harsh, but I think for your own sanity and possibly survival, you have to look at it that way. you didn't cause her situation, and from what you describe, you are not in a position to help anyone right now. We can only give yo others that which overflows from our own cup after we have filled our cup. And your cup is running on empty. You said you already feel disrespected by the girl and that she , understandably , has issues . This means that she would need someone to take her in whose cup is seriously overflowing , and right now, that is not happening for you (yet). She will need therapy and stability and structure and regularity and discipline. With what you described your home life to be like right now it does not sound to me that you would be able to provide that. That's not a judgement - just an observation of the circumstances you described you find yourself in . In other words, this situation is not what the girl needs. It is not what is best for her . And it is not what is best for you. </p><p></p><p>When something is not best for us , it typically ends up not being the best for anyone else in the family , either. </p><p></p><p>Your marriage is shaky. If your husband will use you not taking the girl in to end the marriage than there are deeper issues that would have to be dealt with before she can even live with you. Because to witness marital turmoil when she needs stability and an example of functioning relationships and strong communication, is not what is best for her. Taking someone into your home no matter how good a friend she may be to your daughters and your family is going to put a lot of strain on your family relationships under the best of circumstances.</p><p></p><p>One of your daughters has mental health issues. That in and of itself is a huge issue to deal with .it's where the family needs to pull together to get her the help and support she needs . You wouldn't possibly have anything to give to anyone else just taking care of this one issue after taking care of yourself first. </p><p></p><p>There is so much going on that needs to be straightened out and dealt with . Tend to yourself : physically , emotionally, and spiritually. Get yourself some help and support, not invite more unmanageability into your life. You are barely staying above water as it is. Take good care of yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 752783, member: 24254"] Hi Michelle, Welcome to the board! You are dealing with a lot! The number one most important thing in all of this is to take care of yourself, because without that you have nothing to give to anyone . Your husband's and your daughters' feelings belong to them. They can hate you if they so chose and you are absolutely powerless over that. If you get yourself into a situation that will make you miserable , you will hate yourself and everyone around you. The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Protect it. While the girl's situation is horrible, it is not your responsibility. That may sound harsh, but I think for your own sanity and possibly survival, you have to look at it that way. you didn't cause her situation, and from what you describe, you are not in a position to help anyone right now. We can only give yo others that which overflows from our own cup after we have filled our cup. And your cup is running on empty. You said you already feel disrespected by the girl and that she , understandably , has issues . This means that she would need someone to take her in whose cup is seriously overflowing , and right now, that is not happening for you (yet). She will need therapy and stability and structure and regularity and discipline. With what you described your home life to be like right now it does not sound to me that you would be able to provide that. That's not a judgement - just an observation of the circumstances you described you find yourself in . In other words, this situation is not what the girl needs. It is not what is best for her . And it is not what is best for you. When something is not best for us , it typically ends up not being the best for anyone else in the family , either. Your marriage is shaky. If your husband will use you not taking the girl in to end the marriage than there are deeper issues that would have to be dealt with before she can even live with you. Because to witness marital turmoil when she needs stability and an example of functioning relationships and strong communication, is not what is best for her. Taking someone into your home no matter how good a friend she may be to your daughters and your family is going to put a lot of strain on your family relationships under the best of circumstances. One of your daughters has mental health issues. That in and of itself is a huge issue to deal with .it's where the family needs to pull together to get her the help and support she needs . You wouldn't possibly have anything to give to anyone else just taking care of this one issue after taking care of yourself first. There is so much going on that needs to be straightened out and dealt with . Tend to yourself : physically , emotionally, and spiritually. Get yourself some help and support, not invite more unmanageability into your life. You are barely staying above water as it is. Take good care of yourself. [/QUOTE]
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Three girls of my own and a homeless teen
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