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General Parenting
Three Ring Circus - Not the Fun Kind
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 10376" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Without stating the obvious about how hard it sounds, I can relate to the rage and hurtful talking. When you rage (as I used to do) you feel so much hurt and anger yourself (and you aren't sure why you feel so extreme, and it scares you) that the horrible words just pop out; you don't mean them. The remorse afterwards is hideous. I used to sit in my room after a rage and think about how I could kill myself (not trying to scare you, this was ME, not him) so that I could spare my family from how terrible I was. I thought everyone would be better off without me, and I wanted to promise never to do it again, but I knew that when "it" took over, I'd do it again, so I couldn't promise. Your son showed remorse by thinking "I'm no good. I don't deserve anything at all. I hate me." (Just guessing his mindset). I would think about a medication adjustment. He's doing better, but he's still not 100% stable or that wouldn't have happened. Unfortunately, if he has early onset BiPolar (BP), he won't be in control of his moods 100% of the time, and he will likely have eruptions like that. At least they're lessening. I would remember not to take his words personally. I really doubt he means them. I never meant what I said, but my parents took it personally, and I had no relationship with my mom before she died. She would never forgive me, even though I was willing to take the entire blame in spite of having been mentally ill when I behaved that way. She just thought I was a "bad person." She never let herself know the person I was when I stablized on medications. I wish you all the best of luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 10376, member: 1550"] Without stating the obvious about how hard it sounds, I can relate to the rage and hurtful talking. When you rage (as I used to do) you feel so much hurt and anger yourself (and you aren't sure why you feel so extreme, and it scares you) that the horrible words just pop out; you don't mean them. The remorse afterwards is hideous. I used to sit in my room after a rage and think about how I could kill myself (not trying to scare you, this was ME, not him) so that I could spare my family from how terrible I was. I thought everyone would be better off without me, and I wanted to promise never to do it again, but I knew that when "it" took over, I'd do it again, so I couldn't promise. Your son showed remorse by thinking "I'm no good. I don't deserve anything at all. I hate me." (Just guessing his mindset). I would think about a medication adjustment. He's doing better, but he's still not 100% stable or that wouldn't have happened. Unfortunately, if he has early onset BiPolar (BP), he won't be in control of his moods 100% of the time, and he will likely have eruptions like that. At least they're lessening. I would remember not to take his words personally. I really doubt he means them. I never meant what I said, but my parents took it personally, and I had no relationship with my mom before she died. She would never forgive me, even though I was willing to take the entire blame in spite of having been mentally ill when I behaved that way. She just thought I was a "bad person." She never let herself know the person I was when I stablized on medications. I wish you all the best of luck. [/QUOTE]
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