Three strikes .... I'm out

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Feb 9, 2011.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Strike 1. The little issue with Piglet keeping an iphone that she found.

    Strike 2. Call from Tigger's teacher to come and pick him up at the end of the day because he was mad and had stomped out of the school building (but came back in on his own and didn't leave the campus). He has a 1/2 day in-school suspension for leaving the building.

    Strike 3. Kanga (please sit down for this) found a way to be alone with a boy....again. Color me NOT SHOCKED. They think it was for less than a minute. Shockingly, she was ONCE AGAIN, not caught by staff but because the boy confessed to his staff; on Sunday. Her staff did not find out about it until today. Her unit supervisor made her call me on speaker phone and tell me. Kanga was infuriated that I "judged" her choice as being inappropriate and slammed the phone down.

    Full treatment team meeting tomorrow morning to deal with this latest adventure...
  2. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Ahhhh, JJJ.... sometimes, when it rains it just pours. I guess the bright side of all this is that Tigger *did* show some restraint, didn't leave campus, and went back in on his own.

    What is Kanga's current safety plan? From what you've written, it sounds like staff really hasn't been taking this stuff seriously. Any chance at all this might wake them up a bit? She just so consistently refuses to comply with basic rules. How on earth do they see this playing out in a group home?? Does group home have the ability to supervise and enforce rules, or will they only give verbal cues and then let her make her own choices.

    I'm sorry. Days like these have got to just wear you down.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry. That's obviously more difficult child'ness than a person could deal with all at once. I don't know about you, but I'm of a frame of mind anymore that a lot of times these staff know more or ignore obvious signs as long as they can because they are avoiding that inevitable phone call to the parent as long as possible. Anyway, I hope you can get a good night's sleep and get a few mins to yourself to just regroup and put things in perspective so you can avoid the roller-coaster ride that is sure to be thrown at you.
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hugs... Nothing to say, just support.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    That is a LOT to deal with all at once!!! I am glad Tigger didn't leave campus. It shows some restraint. Also glad his suspension is in school so that you don't have to deal with him at home!

    As for Kanga, I hope this wakes staff up and they realize that they cannot relax the rules. I also hope it shows them that she is just not ready for a group home. At least not yet anyway. They sure haven't seemed to take the safety rules for her as seriously as they should, hopefully they realize this and takes steps to correct it.

    Lots of hugs for you - be sure to build some time to destress itno your schedule for the next few days!
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Current safety plan is enhanced eyes-on supervision. She had permission to go get water which necessitated her being out of staff's eyesight briefly. Staff thought that the boys had left and that the area near the sink was empty. Staff needs to buy a clue. Once again, I had warned them 2 weeks ago that I sensed she was planning something but since I couldn't give details and she explained away the things that made me suspicious...she had gotten a Program Violation last week for a "miscommunication" i going with a staff member to place A when she was suppose to be at place B -- testing the waters in my humble opinion.

    husband wants to withdraw our consent for her to participate in co-ed sports. I want to change her 'eye-sight' supervision to 'arms reach' supervision whenever she is outside the all-girls classroom or unit and strict eyesight in those places. husband wants to block her from attending prom in may; I suggested that we not do that but that we insist on a 1:1 staff assigned to her and required to stay within 5' of her at all times. husband is concerned that in a darkened, crowded room, Kanga could, well, get very busy.

    I was blunt with staff and told them had they not heard the boys staff coming back into the room that it would have gone much, much farther than the alleged "kissing". Staff was a bit subdued and agreed. This is the same staff that I met with last month and made sure that she understood the importance of the safety plan and not getting lulled into a false sense of security. Yep, glad that helped.
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I really hope this puts an end to discussion about group homes for a while. She is threatening to go AWOL, commit suicide, yada yada yada, unless we let her go to a group home. Cause if she was in a group home, she could do what she needs to do without getting in trouble

  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and support, JJJ. Hope you can find some "you" time ASAP.
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Big {{{hugs}}} to you. :(
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    husband is out with Piglet. Boys are zoned in front of the tv -- and I'm going to go curl up with some tea and a good book :)

    See you in the morning!!
  11. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Enjoy your much-needed respite!

    by the way, has the term "predator" ever come up in connection with her? Maybe if they understand just how driven she is by this aspect of her illness they will take it more seriously. If she were a male and the situation reversed, I bet they wouldn't be so wishy washy or let their guard down like this.

  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kanga is definitely not ready for a group home. Cory was no where as manipulative as Kanga simply because he was too stupid. Boys tend to just put their behaviors out on the table for all to see and so they end up caught much easier but girls sneak more. Even with this, Cory managed to slip out of his group homes quite regularly. They normally arent all that secure. At least the ones he was in werent. They went to public schools and he had ample time to just walk off...and he did. I will never forget the time they called me to tell me he was missing and everyone was going nuts. We just told them to calm down. There was a little girl in the town he liked and he would be back when she had to go home for dinner. Sure enough, about 6 pm, he came strolling home like nothing was wrong.
  13. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hope you enjoyed your "defrag" time! It's how we recharge to face another day!

  14. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    At the last Residential Treatment Center (RTC), the therapist expressed concern that her romantic relationships would always be unbalanced. The feeling is that she could be the victim but is more likely to be the predator. This Residential Treatment Center (RTC) isn't up to speed yet. They'll probably 'get it' right before it is time to move.
  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Hugs from me, too!! Sometimes it just gets so overwhelming...
  16. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    You need a difficult child-Free vacation! Is there such a thing? Sign me up for one, too!

    Regarding Kanga - AARRGGHH!!!! I know you've been frustrated the way staff has been making you feel as though you are overly-paranoid or something - and now this? How many times will this story have to repeat itself before somebody at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) gets a clue???

    So frustrated for you....

    Hope today is a better day.
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member