3 shadows, I'm so glad you are just lurking and not that something awful has happened..
I wish I could convince you that you are worthy of being a friend to any of us. Hopefully you will come to believe it.
I sure don't have any answers about difficult children. I doubt any of us have many answers. All we can do is give suggestions and mostly support. The most important thing I got from this group is a friendship of peers who have known our anguish. You belong with us. It's time to shut your mother's voice out of your head. You aren't a wallflower around here and you sure deserve your easy child.
Hopefully you will keep Christmas in your home and heart and shut out everything else. Maybe the new year will be a better one.
Hugs to you and your family.