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Family of Origin
Time to cut off from my FOO?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 665934" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there and welcome to our FOO forum, which started out with three of us just talking about our pasts.</p><p></p><p>Look, I have taken a long journey with this and I will give you my perspective.</p><p></p><p>It does not sound as if much is going on, as far as a relationship, with your father at all. You can talk to him when he calls, if you like, or not talk to him if he is abusive or has been in the past. As for your sister, if you see her as not good for your children, then she shouldn't be around them. Or you if she is not respectful to you. It took me years to wake up and realize that I deserve to be treated with respect, and I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. I do not have contact with my sister or brother, who are almost the only FOO I have, but I have a warm, loving family with my husband and children. I don't want to mess that up by their toxic attitude toward me in my life. I think they are no contact with ME too...lol. But my sister has a thing about always coming back.</p><p></p><p>This time I will not allow it. She recently texted me and my phone blocks her, but I accidentally found out it goes into some spam place in my phone. I saw the message's first two words and thankfully my wallpaper covered up the rest of it and I deleted it before reading it. I have no idea what it said. I have no desire to know. This time she can not come back, bait me if that was what the text was about, beg forgiveness on the oft chance that that was what the post was about (she would never be able to maintain a stable relationship with me, even if she meant to), and if there was news of my only living relative I speak to, my elderly father, I would find out.</p><p></p><p>We all have to decide how to handle these things. My mother was ghastly to me and disowned me, but since she passed on her feelings to my siblings and they treat me like she did in their own ways (they are both very different people, but boh heavily influenced by my mother who clearly disliked me), they can't be in my world. I don't need their criticism and bad ideas about me that they think are true, but aren't. I just don't need THEM. Even if I am doing the same thing my mother did, it is because of my mother and I don't want to have people in my life that I have to worry about. My life is pretty serene and cozy. I am careful whom is allowed into my world. I moved fifteen years ago and a huge part of that was the serenity of where I live and getting away from my sister, who was constantly calling the cops on us for ridiculous reasons.</p><p></p><p>It is nice to be in our own sanctuary.</p><p></p><p>Now you have to think about what you want and what you can tolerate. I finally had enough and my sister and brother have said good-bye to me forever, whether they know it or not. They will never be allowed back into my life for any reason. If you don't want that sort of finality, you can do low contact, but try to demand respect from everybody you are in contact with. You matter a lot and do not deserve to be treated like when you are unwell it is not important. It is important. You find out who your real friends and loved ones are when you are sick and when you have problems. The fakers run f or the hills. Sometimes, and very hurtfully, they are family who don't accept us as we are. But then we know the truth...they are not really loved ones and although they are our DNA mates, they are sometimes not even really family, in the sense that family is meant to be.</p><p></p><p>Any decision you make is right for you. Do not let others make you feel small. No human being deserves that.</p><p></p><p>If you discontinue contact with sister and she will start an abusive fight with you if you tell her or beg you that she will be nice from now on, it may just be better to slowly pull away. Don't answer when she calls. Low contact. Or send a letter, but expect drama. You know your sister best. </p><p></p><p>Hugs and keep posting. We post a lot here <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 665934, member: 1550"] Hi there and welcome to our FOO forum, which started out with three of us just talking about our pasts. Look, I have taken a long journey with this and I will give you my perspective. It does not sound as if much is going on, as far as a relationship, with your father at all. You can talk to him when he calls, if you like, or not talk to him if he is abusive or has been in the past. As for your sister, if you see her as not good for your children, then she shouldn't be around them. Or you if she is not respectful to you. It took me years to wake up and realize that I deserve to be treated with respect, and I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. I do not have contact with my sister or brother, who are almost the only FOO I have, but I have a warm, loving family with my husband and children. I don't want to mess that up by their toxic attitude toward me in my life. I think they are no contact with ME too...lol. But my sister has a thing about always coming back. This time I will not allow it. She recently texted me and my phone blocks her, but I accidentally found out it goes into some spam place in my phone. I saw the message's first two words and thankfully my wallpaper covered up the rest of it and I deleted it before reading it. I have no idea what it said. I have no desire to know. This time she can not come back, bait me if that was what the text was about, beg forgiveness on the oft chance that that was what the post was about (she would never be able to maintain a stable relationship with me, even if she meant to), and if there was news of my only living relative I speak to, my elderly father, I would find out. We all have to decide how to handle these things. My mother was ghastly to me and disowned me, but since she passed on her feelings to my siblings and they treat me like she did in their own ways (they are both very different people, but boh heavily influenced by my mother who clearly disliked me), they can't be in my world. I don't need their criticism and bad ideas about me that they think are true, but aren't. I just don't need THEM. Even if I am doing the same thing my mother did, it is because of my mother and I don't want to have people in my life that I have to worry about. My life is pretty serene and cozy. I am careful whom is allowed into my world. I moved fifteen years ago and a huge part of that was the serenity of where I live and getting away from my sister, who was constantly calling the cops on us for ridiculous reasons. It is nice to be in our own sanctuary. Now you have to think about what you want and what you can tolerate. I finally had enough and my sister and brother have said good-bye to me forever, whether they know it or not. They will never be allowed back into my life for any reason. If you don't want that sort of finality, you can do low contact, but try to demand respect from everybody you are in contact with. You matter a lot and do not deserve to be treated like when you are unwell it is not important. It is important. You find out who your real friends and loved ones are when you are sick and when you have problems. The fakers run f or the hills. Sometimes, and very hurtfully, they are family who don't accept us as we are. But then we know the truth...they are not really loved ones and although they are our DNA mates, they are sometimes not even really family, in the sense that family is meant to be. Any decision you make is right for you. Do not let others make you feel small. No human being deserves that. If you discontinue contact with sister and she will start an abusive fight with you if you tell her or beg you that she will be nice from now on, it may just be better to slowly pull away. Don't answer when she calls. Low contact. Or send a letter, but expect drama. You know your sister best. Hugs and keep posting. We post a lot here :) [/QUOTE]
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Time to cut off from my FOO?
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