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Family of Origin
Time to cut off from my FOO?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 666021" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I'm sorry those things are happening to you, Lioness.</p><p></p><p>That is the situation in my Family of Origin, too. I just would never believe it.</p><p>Things have changed for the worse since my father's death, almost seven years ago.</p><p></p><p>A friend told me: Dysfunctional family, dysfunctional death. I was a little offended at the time. She was right, though.</p><p></p><p>A thing that helped me was to discover that I was damaged, not defective.</p><p></p><p>Damaged; not defective.</p><p></p><p>That means we can heal. </p><p></p><p>We are meant to be healthy and whole and really happy. When we decide to take ourselves from damaged to whole, some parts are very painful. It's as though we relive those same feelings of deep shame. It helps me to envision the little girl I was suffering those emotions all alone, for all of my life. I want to witness for her, now. I want to be her safe harbor. I try to envision myself as I was then, and I imagine my visiting, imagine myself adult self standing right beside her as she cries. And I tell her we made it. That I am her, all grown up.</p><p></p><p>That we lived.</p><p></p><p>And it's the strangest thing Lioness, but that little girl is ashamed to be who she is, in front of me. She doesn't want me to know how that felt.</p><p></p><p>She has been carrying those terrible feelings alone for so long.</p><p></p><p>I am able now to recognize when I need to do that, for her.</p><p></p><p>Each of us will heal in the ways most helpful to us. Doing that, loving that little girl that I was, has been very good for me.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am sorry she does that, Lioness. It is good that you can see it, though.</p><p></p><p>Good for you.</p><p></p><p>That's huge. I am forever trying to justify the other guy's bad behavior. Well, until just lately, when I am being outrageously out of order and not very nice about what they've been up to, at all.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Do you think she does that because, like every mom does, we want to do the best for our kids and she knows she can make you feel vulnerable through criticizing something you care so very much about?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think my sister might be that way, too. I am not as honest as you about what I see, maybe. My sister seems so different, now that my father is gone. I don't even know what to think.</p><p></p><p>But for today, I don't like her at all.</p><p></p><p>It is Happy Hour here Lioness, and I need to sign off for now.</p><p></p><p>Welcome!</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 666021, member: 17461"] I'm sorry those things are happening to you, Lioness. That is the situation in my Family of Origin, too. I just would never believe it. Things have changed for the worse since my father's death, almost seven years ago. A friend told me: Dysfunctional family, dysfunctional death. I was a little offended at the time. She was right, though. A thing that helped me was to discover that I was damaged, not defective. Damaged; not defective. That means we can heal. We are meant to be healthy and whole and really happy. When we decide to take ourselves from damaged to whole, some parts are very painful. It's as though we relive those same feelings of deep shame. It helps me to envision the little girl I was suffering those emotions all alone, for all of my life. I want to witness for her, now. I want to be her safe harbor. I try to envision myself as I was then, and I imagine my visiting, imagine myself adult self standing right beside her as she cries. And I tell her we made it. That I am her, all grown up. That we lived. And it's the strangest thing Lioness, but that little girl is ashamed to be who she is, in front of me. She doesn't want me to know how that felt. She has been carrying those terrible feelings alone for so long. I am able now to recognize when I need to do that, for her. Each of us will heal in the ways most helpful to us. Doing that, loving that little girl that I was, has been very good for me. *** I am sorry she does that, Lioness. It is good that you can see it, though. Good for you. That's huge. I am forever trying to justify the other guy's bad behavior. Well, until just lately, when I am being outrageously out of order and not very nice about what they've been up to, at all. Do you think she does that because, like every mom does, we want to do the best for our kids and she knows she can make you feel vulnerable through criticizing something you care so very much about? I think my sister might be that way, too. I am not as honest as you about what I see, maybe. My sister seems so different, now that my father is gone. I don't even know what to think. But for today, I don't like her at all. It is Happy Hour here Lioness, and I need to sign off for now. Welcome! Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Time to cut off from my FOO?
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