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Family of Origin
Time to cut off from my FOO?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 666042" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I would say that, now that you are thinking differently, your behaviors will change without your having to make a hard and fast rule. Observe the relationship between you from this new way you are seeing and thinking. </p><p></p><p>Over time, you will know how you want your relationship to your sister to look.</p><p></p><p>If we can do it, I think it is always best to have our families in our lives. There are families though who seem to act from such toxicity that we need to name that and respond to them from the truth of what it is they do. I had a hard time, not so much seeing things that were toxic as toxic, but believing my family of origin was choosing toxic on purpose. At it sounds like you were too, I was so sure we could create family out of what was left that I excused behaviors I should have addressed.</p><p></p><p>I compromised values again and again for the sake of my family of origin, and it all fell apart in the end, anyway. </p><p></p><p>Now I wonder: If I'd been right up front about what they were doing then, would we have better relationship, now? Or would I have never had them in my life, at all.</p><p></p><p>And would that have been better.</p><p></p><p>The only thing I know for sure is that I did do what I could do, and that I wish with all my heart things had been different for all of us. </p><p></p><p>It's just such a twisted mess; I can't make sense out of any of it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree with IC. </p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 666042, member: 17461"] I would say that, now that you are thinking differently, your behaviors will change without your having to make a hard and fast rule. Observe the relationship between you from this new way you are seeing and thinking. Over time, you will know how you want your relationship to your sister to look. If we can do it, I think it is always best to have our families in our lives. There are families though who seem to act from such toxicity that we need to name that and respond to them from the truth of what it is they do. I had a hard time, not so much seeing things that were toxic as toxic, but believing my family of origin was choosing toxic on purpose. At it sounds like you were too, I was so sure we could create family out of what was left that I excused behaviors I should have addressed. I compromised values again and again for the sake of my family of origin, and it all fell apart in the end, anyway. Now I wonder: If I'd been right up front about what they were doing then, would we have better relationship, now? Or would I have never had them in my life, at all. And would that have been better. The only thing I know for sure is that I did do what I could do, and that I wish with all my heart things had been different for all of us. It's just such a twisted mess; I can't make sense out of any of it. I agree with IC. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Time to cut off from my FOO?
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