Timer - Linda - Checking on You :)

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by LittleDudesMom, Jul 17, 2008.

  1. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    :flirting: Linda,

    As you can see by the replies on your last thread, we are all behind you.

    Just checking in to see how you are doing. Many of us want to make sure things are ok and what, if any, plans have been made for the weekend.

    We love you. Please check in with us.

  2. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Ditto! Hoping you are okay!
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Sharon & Loth,

    I've been sleeping a great deal & searching for help for this coming weekend - none to be had. I see my GP tomorrow & Mayo doctor suggested that I get a script for adderal (to help with the sleepiness of the encephalopathy & the side effect of the methotextrate); he can't get one up to me on time for this coming weekend - hoping GP will be willing to help me out.

    In the meantime, I need to pour caffeine down my gut to keep me awake if at all possible.

    I'm begging for respite - so far no help; have asked kt's psychiatrist to check into a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) respite weekend - no beds available. husband isn't backing down on this weekend even though we have respite next weekend.

    I know that husband has been under tremendous stress - he!!, it's been a stressful 8 years. I know that he's in recovery - he won't talk to anyone. "I don't need people or tdocs". I pray he comes home more relaxed, less angry & with a plan in mind.

    Apparently, a wm comment & a comment I made about getting away for a "family vacation" set husband off. wm made some threatening comments toward kt & myself; I shared them with husband along with the idea of just getting away - out of town as a "family" for some normalcy. husband asked if I included wm on this "family" vacation & I asked how we would remain safe & have fun if wm was along.

    This set husband off - apparently, we are to wait for wm to catch up & be held hostage. Not give kt a chance to experience a more safe & normal family outing/vacation.

    Thank you, ladies. I'm sorry I've been awol - just tired & trying to get help here for this coming weekend. Now, I'm trying to get help for myself so I can be a safe parent this coming weekend. (by the way, PCA is coming in early on Sunday morning - cutting short her weekend off, God bless her sweet heart).
  4. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Additional hugs, Linda. Sometimes the waiting is worse than what is happening.

  5. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    cant they "overnite" or fed ex a RX for adderal?
    Have you used adderal in the past? (Do you know how you react to it?-possible trialing it while alone might not be a great idea?)
  6. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member

    Good to hear from you, Linda.

    I really wish your husband would consider waiting one bleeping week, but doesn't look like it's going to happen.

    Sending prayers crossing all my body parts that you have a peaceful weekend with kt.
  7. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    is part of the reason he is NOT waiting one more week becuz he is trying to help you see you CAN do this?
    Is kt in active acute crisis right now? Maybe he is hoping kt and you can find that you can do more than you think you can, and so can kt? is he "tough love"ing you?
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Sending hugs, prayers, and my armor, Linda. I'll get by a weekend without it.
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    I see part of this weekend as just being ornery! He knows kt & I can do many things alone. However, he has never ever let kt home alone with me when I've been this weak & exhausted.

    AND kt overheard some of husband's comments so her anxiety level has skyrocketed. It doesn't make for an easy weekend to come. She actually told husband that he needed to stay home & take care of his family. It didn't go over well with husband. At all! I tend to be the mediator between husband & kt of late - it's getting old.

    psychiatrist, therapist & mental health case manager feel that kt needs some oversight this weekend with my health as it is. As we can't talk husband out of waiting until next weekend we are going for respite or in home help if we can find it. With kt's anxiety level on the rise, there is fear of meltdown or dissociative states. Will it happen? Who knows? Can it happen - you betcha! Am I up for a ride to the hospital in an ambulance & a 10 hour admit - no way.

    I always plan ahead; it's the only way I have survived so far. I plan for the worst & hope for the best. I always always have a safety net of some sort; this weekend I don't.

    Anytime, I've taken a weekend I've made sure kt was at respite or there was double coverage at home for husband. I pray that husband figures out whatever he needs to figure out this weekend. That he comes home refreshed & recharged. I cannot change wm's circumstances - they are what they are.

  10. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    Is husband protesting wms placement?
    Maybe you can play up the weekend with kt, call it a girls weekend, mom-dtr slumber party, um...tell her she can babysit you.....something like that.
    if it did come down that some severe crisis occured and she had to be phosped over the weekend, - if it had to be that you were not there, well...things happen.
    when my son had his first emergency surgery, I was in my scooter, beside my son.....you do what you can, sometimes we wish we could do more but sometimes we can't. PLanning ahead is always good, but sometimes it just is not possible or the plans get waylaid.
    It does sound like for your husband this IS a crisis and emergency thing to him....and sadly, as is often the case in a family unit, sometimes it overlaps about who is in crisis or need. SUre he might be planning, and typical crisis is not preplanned....but it might be taking every ounce he has to wait till the weekend.

    Yes, I know I do not know him, I am brainstorming and tossing out what comes to my mind. Maybe nothing of what I say is relevant.
    I do understand being very very ill and unable to do what "normal" people might be able to do, and haveing special needs kids with very extreme and demanding needs, and also haveing a spouse who is very very ill, dependant etc. ANd yes, I also understand the mental illness special needs as well as the physical illness disabilities. I am thinking your husband might feel so overstressed at the moment, similar to how maybe you felt when you called crisis intervention for one of the kids....like maybe he is beyond desperate. He may be wondering why um....(I do not know how to word this delicately) when your illness causes you to reach your personal limits, then you can succumb, but now he is trying to say he has hit his personal limit and noone is hearing him trying to say so?
    As for kt, maybe someone can explain to her even adults can get tired, overwhelmed, say things they may not mean, hasn't kt herself ever said or done something she did not intend to be hurtful?

    It sounds like you are not haveing any luck finding help for the weekend. If that happens, you will need to just muddle thru and make the best of a bad situation. I know there are many many people here on this site who have had to find some way to get thru a less than ideal time. There are a lot of mothers here, some single, with difficult children and no help- and maybe they can come up with more ideas than just mine. I am hoping they DO come post ideas for helping you and kt get thru the weekend on your own, rather than simply posting how they feel about your husband. I cannot help but wonder if it were YOU saying YOU were going away for the weekend, people would support YOU for "taking care of yourself" and going, even if things at home were not perfect first.
    Considering you have been together as long as you have, I doubt your husband is very often irresponsible or negligent. I doubt you would have stayed with him if he were. Chronic illness affects the entire family, as all of us with difficult children can agree. Most of us do not choose WHEN the symptoms are gonna completely overwhelm us. It really does sound like for him, thats what happened, and he cannot control the timing of it any more than you can control the timing of your symptoms and manifestations.

    Take a deep breathe......say to yourself "I CAN do this, I CAN do this...." You are kts mother. she is your daughter. You are not on a deserted island, I am pretty sure she CAN get herself a bowl of cereal and dial a phone.With luck she might be very proud to bring YOU a bowl of cereal or a PB & J. Maybe she would enjoy painting your finger and toenails some wild color.
  11. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    well, psychiatrist, therapist and case manager must not be TOO insistant, did any of THEM offer to come do it? say what? not their job? <shrug> maybe not, but..if they REALLY cared......if they REALLY in their heart meant it........
    Aw what do I know? I personally truly do believe in putting action behind my words. does not matter what my job description might be at the time.
    Linda, - if my easy child were not so critically ill at the moment, and me so worried over her very life and the unborn baby------you KNOW I would be telling you I need directions to your house now. I have made offers to you in the past. Why would I/ becuz I am a careing person who puts my words to action.
    Becuz I myself have been in similar shoes MANY MANY times over the years. I know how hard it can be. I have been in your shoes, and I have been in your husband shoes.
  12. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Linda -

    If I were closer, I'd come up and spend the weekend to give you a hand.

    It sounds like husband had enough in him to maintain through recovery, but not enough resources to deal with anything on top of that. I hope he realizes soon that he needs to talk to someone. It's not a weakness. It will make him stronger. It's hard for all of us at times to realize that we need help.

    Thinking of you....

  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I have to back kt bug. She's right, husband needs to **** it up and stay home this weekend and take care of his family. A weekend away can be next weekend when there is someone to cover his absense. I don't care how stressed he is. (sorry, men just irritate the devil out of me at times)

    I wish I was closer too, I'd be there in a flash.

  14. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I have been thinking about you all day, and I have been praying you receive the strength and wisdom you need.

    You might mention to the doctor Provigil for the sleepiness. It is supposed to really help people that have things like narcoplepsy, or are sleepy due to medications or mental issues.

  15. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda, I am sorry things did not improve. I hope you get some help. I am going to PM you.
  16. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I was wondering about Provigil, too.

    husband took it for grogginess due to pain medications for pain due to his illness and chemo (nerve and bone pain) and it really helped him.

    The only downside to the medication was that his doctor had to fight the insurance company every month to get them to pay for it.

    It's really expensive and it's either not in ins formularies at all or is a "high tier" drug (very high copay)
  17. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    Well, as I said *I* cannot come due to my easy child, but you know I would, and I have offered to help previously.
    Altho I myself cannot come.....I DO have my dearest friend who is nearby and she is free this weekend. -------
  18. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    she is free and sitting waiting to hear.
  19. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    You ladies are the best - I appreciate the support. dreamer, I may have a resource yet that I can access; an old friend that kt already knows & I worked with her for a few years before I became a mom. I have a call into her. I expect we can have a girl's day with her daughter & kt.

    Tell your friend that I appreciate her offer - seriously, it's very dear of her to offer her time to a total stranger. I'm touched. And I appreciate your offer of help as well as all the others. Again, I'm touched by the level of support here on CD board.

    As you all know, my mom raised me to be strong & I am strong. I will make it through this coming weekend.
  20. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    "She [kt] actually told husband that he needed to stay home & take care of his family."

    Out of the mouths of babes...

    The kid is dead right.

    I strongly suggest you make this a girls' weekend. If you desperately need to sleep, get kt to do your makeup while you sleep.

    I've had times when for various reasons I was bedridden, and had to talk easy child & difficult child 1 through a complex recipe. They were both younger than kt at the time (it was well before I was pregnant with difficult child 3).

    It can be a very useful teaching exercise.

    easy child & difficult child 1 burnt the curry I was getting them to make, but it actually made it much better. You're supposed to fry the spices anyway, and that recipe ALWAYS sticks at that point. The kids were rushing around in a panic, didn't want to tell me, wanted to throw it away and start over - but when they did tell me I was able to reassure them and tell them to carry on, it would all be OK. They both learnt the value of planning ahead, and getting all your ingredients ready and lined up before you begin cooking.

    It's summer. Salads are good. And movies, and popcorn...