klmno
Active Member
I'm too tired to write thoroughly but since I tend to write too much sometimes, that could be a good thing. LOL! My boss emailed me at the end of last week telling me to change my travel plans for this week. The people who work at the place I was visiting don't like him at all- they say he tells them to do things one way, then shows up later saying to do it a different way without even acknowledging that he told them to do it the first way at all. They seem reasonable enough to me and what seems to be bugging them the most is his unwillingness to admit he changed his mind or something happened requiring this change, or whatever. I get that- it drives me nuts too. My previous co-traveler told me to email boss with questions or things I needed to relay to him in order to maintain a paper trail because boss sometimes "forgets" what he tells you. Ok. I like the job- at least for a temporary situation. But boss is nuts. I had to jump thru hoops to change this next scheduled trip with 2 days notice. Then I come back and he's happy with me but says 2 people at one place (who also work for him) threatened to quit last week and took that threat to very high people before even mentioning it to him. He was not happy, needless to say, because the higher up didn't back him up quite as much as he thought he should have. Who knows how that will end up. He's done more weird and back(koi) things too but I'll leave them out to prevent identifiable info. I'm spending the week trying to keep him happy and doing what a different higher up requested of me, which I'm learning more inside stuff from and hopefully, that will help lead me to a more permanent job with this agency doing something more in line with my profession.
Then- my son wrote my mother a letter and my mother emailed saying she'd respond and keep the subjects light. I got a PO box so she could write me there and I wouldn't be giving anyone in my family my actual home address. She sends a letter to difficult child for me to forward. It is a lecture to him then the last half was all "forgive your mother; she did the best she could" stuff. Now I already know that many here won't see the underlying manipulation in that, but I know my mother. She used to tell my exH the same koi, knowing he was hitting me. It made him worse toward me. Why? because statements like that add justification in the violator's mind that they have reason to blame me and/or will be "forgiven" by her if they do because she feels like it's my fault, too. Furthermore, she doesn't even know what all difficult child has done and hasn't even seen him in several years. If she wants to blame me for everything, I can't stop her, but I don't think she has any business making statements to difficult child that he should forgive me when she doesn't even know if he's blaming me for anything to begin with. So, I cut the second half of the letter off and sent him the first part.
She emailed a couple of days later saying she hoped that letter was ok, she was "just trying to back me up" (that isn't backing a parent up if you don't even know what's going on in the relationship and she had repetitively been asked and agreed to not discuss family issues with difficult child while he's incarcerated). So I emailed her back and in one sentence said I'd sent the letter with that part cut out because it got into too many family issues and I had explained the same to difficult child- which I did. I haven't heard from her since. She's like insurance- she'll tell you whatever it takes to get you to do what she wants but then gets mad if you expect her to live up to what she agreed to. Needless to say, I haven't emailed or called or anything else. Good riddance.
Then I get a letter from difficult child this past weekend. It was full of things like "I know you didn't want me to do ABC, but I am trying to do ABC anyway". Wonderful. They aren't major things, in a way, but it just tells me that he has no more respect for me being his parent than he did when he was at home last summer or when he was committed to Department of Juvenile Justice in the first place. I understand that he should be making more choices for himself at his age and especially since he's been in Department of Juvenile Justice the big majority of the past 2 years. But, I have a big problem with him coming back home to live still being a minor (meaning I'm still legally and financially responsible for him) with him still thinking he can do whatever he wants- like an adult makes all the decisions for him/herself. I have no idea how to deal with that-are we parents really supposed to tell teens that we know we can't control any of their choices so we'll just be here to foot the bill and show up in court when they break the law? Even if the laws they break include holding a knife to us or stealing our last pennies while we're sleeping? Furthermore, I IN NO WAY can take the chance of difficult child coming back to hack into things from this job like he did the last real job I had.
I need to write him back but I'm really tired and don't want to say anything rash. But he needs to get a clue- I'm not his doormat. I'm still sleeping on an air mattress and yes, I hold him mostly (not all) responsible. And he ends his letter TELLING me to send him more photos of the new place. This kid doesn't need ANYTHING enforcing his sense of entitlement. And he refuses to discuss anything pertaining to what he did to me- stealing, knife threat, etc, when I visit but will tell me he'll write me about it then never writes a single word about anything other than what he's doing, pursuing and wants.
Thank you if you read this.
Then- my son wrote my mother a letter and my mother emailed saying she'd respond and keep the subjects light. I got a PO box so she could write me there and I wouldn't be giving anyone in my family my actual home address. She sends a letter to difficult child for me to forward. It is a lecture to him then the last half was all "forgive your mother; she did the best she could" stuff. Now I already know that many here won't see the underlying manipulation in that, but I know my mother. She used to tell my exH the same koi, knowing he was hitting me. It made him worse toward me. Why? because statements like that add justification in the violator's mind that they have reason to blame me and/or will be "forgiven" by her if they do because she feels like it's my fault, too. Furthermore, she doesn't even know what all difficult child has done and hasn't even seen him in several years. If she wants to blame me for everything, I can't stop her, but I don't think she has any business making statements to difficult child that he should forgive me when she doesn't even know if he's blaming me for anything to begin with. So, I cut the second half of the letter off and sent him the first part.
She emailed a couple of days later saying she hoped that letter was ok, she was "just trying to back me up" (that isn't backing a parent up if you don't even know what's going on in the relationship and she had repetitively been asked and agreed to not discuss family issues with difficult child while he's incarcerated). So I emailed her back and in one sentence said I'd sent the letter with that part cut out because it got into too many family issues and I had explained the same to difficult child- which I did. I haven't heard from her since. She's like insurance- she'll tell you whatever it takes to get you to do what she wants but then gets mad if you expect her to live up to what she agreed to. Needless to say, I haven't emailed or called or anything else. Good riddance.
Then I get a letter from difficult child this past weekend. It was full of things like "I know you didn't want me to do ABC, but I am trying to do ABC anyway". Wonderful. They aren't major things, in a way, but it just tells me that he has no more respect for me being his parent than he did when he was at home last summer or when he was committed to Department of Juvenile Justice in the first place. I understand that he should be making more choices for himself at his age and especially since he's been in Department of Juvenile Justice the big majority of the past 2 years. But, I have a big problem with him coming back home to live still being a minor (meaning I'm still legally and financially responsible for him) with him still thinking he can do whatever he wants- like an adult makes all the decisions for him/herself. I have no idea how to deal with that-are we parents really supposed to tell teens that we know we can't control any of their choices so we'll just be here to foot the bill and show up in court when they break the law? Even if the laws they break include holding a knife to us or stealing our last pennies while we're sleeping? Furthermore, I IN NO WAY can take the chance of difficult child coming back to hack into things from this job like he did the last real job I had.
I need to write him back but I'm really tired and don't want to say anything rash. But he needs to get a clue- I'm not his doormat. I'm still sleeping on an air mattress and yes, I hold him mostly (not all) responsible. And he ends his letter TELLING me to send him more photos of the new place. This kid doesn't need ANYTHING enforcing his sense of entitlement. And he refuses to discuss anything pertaining to what he did to me- stealing, knife threat, etc, when I visit but will tell me he'll write me about it then never writes a single word about anything other than what he's doing, pursuing and wants.
Thank you if you read this.
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