tired mom seeking help

[bella_mamix2]

Hi there.. I'm new here so not quite sure how to start this. But I have been having a VERY hard time with my 4 1/2 year old son. For a few months now, he has been having these temper tantrums. He will literally throw himself around, hit things, kick things, scream at the top of his lungs like someones beating him, and cry. I have NO IDEA what to do.. I've taken him to the doctor for ADHD and they said that he was too young to diagnose. But all the signs and symptoms are TOTALLY him. He never stops talking, he's hateful, he always wants revenge. it feels like I spend more time yelling at him and punishing him for the bad things he does in a day. And have a VERY hard time finding a good thing It breaks my heart to see him cry and act the way he does. I just dont know what to do any more? Is it ever going to end? My daughter sees him act this way and I DONT want her to be the way he is.. (sad to say but true) Here's hoping that SOMEONE SOMEWHERE has an answer

 

[crtaylor]

OK,
I am the mother of the 3 1/2 year old on a hitting rampage listed below so I can't tell you what to do but I really feel for you in a personal way.

Can you get access to someone who can help you with him? Like a counselor? Is his father around? Does he listen to his dad?

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there.
I can't tell you what type of treatment to seek, but I do suggest forgetting about the doctor who says he's too young for a diagnosis and maybe seeking out a MDE or seeing a neuropsychologist evaluation (my personal favorite type as they are very throrough). You don't know what he has as ADHD behavior is common in many disorders and they mimic one another. Being hateful is not really an ADHD trait. I would want to get a diagnosis so I could start interventions ASAP. I do have a few questions that can help us help you:

1/How was his early development? Speech? Eye contact? How does he interact with peers of his own age? Does he like to cuddle? Does he play appropriately with toys? Does he have any strange quirks, such as rocking, making mouth or tongue sounds, high pitched noises, flapping arms? Is he sensitive to anything--food textures, materials, loud noises? Can he transition well from one activity to another?

2/Are there any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on either side of the family tree? These can be red flags for certain disorders.

Others will come along.

 

[bella_mamix2]

He was really a normal kid.. His REAL father had nothing to do with him from the get go. I've since then been married and divorced.. but the man that he has know as "daddy" is still around and treats him like his own. He don't listen to either one of us. He just throws temper tantrums and it don't matter who tries to intervene, he just continues. I was looking at odd and adhd and he has ALOT of the signs of both since apparently they run hand in hand. He plays well with other kids but NOT his sister... He's always trying to hurt her or pick on her. and alls she wants to do is be loved by him and get his attention. I feel so bad for her. My grandparents say that I favor my daughter more than him. But I dont feel it to be that way. I love my kids equally. and treat them BOTH the same way. As far as development. He was always right on the ball.. If you would to talk to him you would see that he is on a higher level. He can hold a full fledged conversation with any full grown adult. And most of the things he says are so mature it's scary. He is a cuddle bug sometimes BUT he's a boy lol.. as far as problems.. his FATHER is a well lets be nice lol.... He's got some issues...I DO know that he either had ADD or ADHD.. and my brother has ADHD... and I have anxiety/bi-polar/depression(but who dont this day in age LOL) I'm really not sure what else to do. The doctor told me to wait til he gets to K and then evaluate him... But I personally think that it's better to nip it in the bud!! Thanks for responding..it really means alot

 

[SRL]

Hi and welcome to your forum. It sounds like you have your hands full--it's not an easy job.

We're only parents here so obviously we can't diagnose but we can give you some ideas on handling the behaviors and some help with research and seeking out a specialist that can tell you what's going on.

Whenever we hear parents mention kids talking like adults we do suggest they look into Asperger's Syndrome, the highest functioning of the Autistic Spectrum Disorders. Doctors often miss it in young children, or mistake it for something else. I've linked a description below--keep in mind that most kids won't match the description exactly. The kinds of things most likely to be seen would be adult like speech, possible lining up of toys or household objects, obsessive interests--often interests that aren't typical for their age group, eye contact problems, being very picky about foods/odors/clothes, etc.

See if anything here rings a bell:
http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/



You'll want to pick up a copy of the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene.

 

[BusynMember]

I agree with looking into Aspergers.
Also, even if biological father never saw his child, the child has his genes. That's why we ask about biological parents. Kids inherit from both sides, and mental illness and neurological problems are inherited. It's a good way to lead you in the right direction. Substance abuse is a big red flag for mood disorders. But I would be looking into Aspergers. And I'd want to see a neuropsychologist. We ARE parents and can not diagnose.

 

[bella_mamix2]

hey again... and thanks so much for all the input...It really helps when u think that all is lost... I dont really know.... He had a mental fit in the drive way the other day... Screaming at the top of his lungs and crying like someone was beating him... Now, someone reported to DHHS and I have a case worker coming to investigate abuse...BOTH of my children are FAR from abused... and it's not because that i didnt TRY to address the problem.. I did and the doctor just brushed it off.. what do i do now? I called MY counselor and she told me that they can put him into counseling.. that was the only way that he could see the tharapist..so I'm looking into it.. But now what do I do with DHHS

 

[BusynMember]

Cooperate with them and have a "good attitude" even if you feel like punching the social worker in the nose And try to get your child evaluated. A therapist is not equipped to test and evaluated. I'd see a neuropsychologist. Sadly, kids with disorders are often the cause of why CPS comes out and CPS rarely "gets" w hat is wrong with our kids. It's best if we do our own private evaluations. Good luck.

 

[bella_mamix2]

CPS referred the case to a behavioral Place. And their going to be working closely with him and get him the help he needs... THANK GOD! Thanks to all of you who helped with this issue.... Heres hoping that I may be able to help you too

 

[nvts]

Bella! Welcome to the club. Call the local Childrens Hospital or Teaching hospital and schedule a neuropsychologist. All the therapy in the world won't give you a true diagnosis - the neuropsychologist will give you so much more insight and will allow you to look into a lot of different methods. Also, you may qualify for services if you have the proper information.

Also, make sure you read the Explosive Child - it's great and not super involved, but it will allow you to see how he thinks!

Beth