Tired Mum and family.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Clara, Jan 17, 2009.

  1. Clara

    Clara New Member

    Hi, i just found this site while looking for some possible insight to why/how my daughter (H) is why she is. I want to lay out all that has been going on since she was born and maybe someone might be able to give me a clue as to what may or may not be going on. I say may not be because I have been trying to convince myself that there is nothing "wrong" with her- she's just spirited and strong willed. But it's hard to do in the face of the everyday with her.

    So H is 2 and 3 months now, was breastfed till 2, I never felt I knew what I was doing with her care from when she was tiny. I used to be up at 3am crying because I couldn't stop her 2-3 hours of crying for no apparent reason. We co-sleep and breastfed through the night. A system that worked wonderfully with my first daughter. My husband is a shift worker so I have always been the 100% night parent. We had trouble starting solids, she had an over sensitive gag reflex and only started to be able to handle small amounts of solids from about 15 -18 months. And only then started to have actual meals by 20-22 months. Then when I decided to wean -very hard process, but I decided it might increase her solids intake and I also had to overcome my fear that if I did she still wouldn't eat and would then be lacking nutrition. She was fine with that one, now eats like a horse.

    Now at just over two she is VERY strong willed, screams at the drop of a hat, has huge tantrums, fights constantly with her 6yr old sister. It's a bit one sided, it's like she picks fights with her and then ends up crying and screaming because her sister won't do what she wants her to. Her sister is generally well behaved, was an easy baby and I know is suffering because of her sister's behaviour- the stress and the times when she might cop flack because I can't untangle the fighting and find an instigator. H will often just scream" Noooo naughty" even if her big sister just walks within 2 metres of her, it's like she's extremely defensive of her personal space and belongings.

    I am almost unable to take her grocery shopping because she has always refused to sit in the trolley seat, and will not walk beside me or sit inside the cart. She is toilet training herself at the moment, she decides when she wants to have a day of wearing knickers and will go all day using the potty and then will refuse the next day and insist on wearing a nappy. Should I just put my foot down and make her? then have an hour of screaming "nappy" and her poor father is trying to sleep. I've tried to talk her into it and she acts like she is being convinced then at the end of the spiel she'll just grin and say "NAPPY!!" . She's smart, and shows this in other areas too, picks things up very quickly and is very hard to trick into doing something- something I depended on to keep things smoth.... I'm mostly just letting the potty training go..she is after all only just past 2.

    She can completely dress herself and currently wants to change her clothes multiple times a day, I have had to lock her clothing drawers (thank goodness it's an antique dresser with locks..) if she gets the tiniest bit of water or food on something she has to take it off and looks for something else to wear. So it's often her sisters clothing or something she was wearing yesterday. So I constantly have clothes strewn all over the house. She also goes through 3 or 4 pairs of socks a day, I have to find them and recycle them back to the drawers (can't lock the sock drawer).

    Her speech was a bit late, only really now picking up but still very hard to understand although her comprehension was excellent very early on I knew that. I know it frustrates her, she'll usually say the same thing over and over and over before I even get a chance to respond or reply. This gets very wearing.

    Anyway the gist of all this is that life is exhausting, noisy and stressful. Stressful because I fluctuate from wanting to believe that she is normal but just a little more of a handful than normal, and wanting someone to tell me that there is something more going on and they can help me. I mean is it normal for a 2 yr old to still have (when I add all the bits up) at least 2-3 hours of crying/screaming a day? When I read my description above it looks so normal and like this stuff is just annoying not stressful but so many days can only be classed as horrible and I end up sitting in the bottom of the shower crying. And I watch the clock waiting for my husband to get out of bed late afternoon so I can get some relief and either get out of the house or hide in the bedroom and breath for a bit.

    I also have guilt associated with having had a miscarriage before I had her and I can't help wondering if that child would have been an easier child than this one. Even though I love her to bits and she is in between all this stuff a funny, clever, totally cute girl with loads of curly strawberry hair. Many people have said that she looks like a porcelain doll- I think she looks like this to off set the spikey personality.

    Yes ok and it's currently summer holidays here, the 6yr old will start school in two weeks and then it gets a lot quieter, she has me all to herself during the day and the compativeness drops off. but then I dread weekends because again, hubby works throught the weekend and I'm all alone as usual.
    I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone or even if this is the right spot for this but I need to see if anyone can tell me anything, even that they can say it will get easier??

    Other upshot is I'm terrified of having another baby like this so we're going to book in a vasectomy in the next few months. I can't do this again.

    I know part of the problem too is that I have developed a very short fuse and low sympathy threshold, it probably makes it worse when Mum doesn't give a hoot when the screaming overshadows the intercom in the shopping centre and I just continue on like nothing is wrong. I don't care how much you are strangling yourself with the pram straps while trying to climb out. I'm going to get my 10 min of shopping done anyway I can.

    I have now given up on the pram , I can't keep her in it.

    If you read most or all of this thanks. Clara.
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi Clara, I'm glad you found us. Yes, you're in the right spot; I'm pretty sure that you're going to find understanding here.

    I read through your post several times, going back and forth on what would be "normal" for this age and what might indicate potential problems. I would say that it's not typical for a 2 year old to have 2-3 hours of screaming per day. On a bad day, maybe, but not day in and day out. If you as mom has come this far looking for help, that's usually a pretty good indicator that it's worth spending some time doing some research. I'm thinking it would be a good idea to look into an assessment. Are you in the UK?

    Take a look at this site and see if anything rings a bell.

    Does she line up toys or household objects in lines or formations?
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Welcome. Your daughter sounds a lot like my daughter... and she was absolutely exhausting. You will most likely have your concerns minimized because of her young age so be prepared. I would personally look into her speech delay and get information on sensory dysfunction. You will also want to rule out underlying illnesses such as allergies, asthma and sleep problems. Those appear to be the main problems for my daughter.