tired of being blames, feeling helpless

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by amazeofgrace, Oct 10, 2008.

  1. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    well S2BX is in jail, his sister has been calling me and filling me in on how bad a shape he is in. He had attempted to take his own life prior to going to court which resulted in jail time.

    difficult child I is in detention shelter and called me last night browbeating me about needing this and that and why haven't I gotten it to him yet? I picture his father sitting in jail in the suit and dress shoes he wore to court a month ago and I cry. Where is the humility difficult child I should have, the remorse? Where is the love and perserverence S2BX should strive for, for his kids, so he could get his life together, not try to end it!

    And then, difficult child II spouts off how he hates me to his in home today. Why? Simply because he does not want me in his life telling him what to do and controlling him.

    I am so weary of everything and everyone in my life!

    I feel very blah about everything and everyone emotionally.

    sorry rambling once again, it's just been a sucky week.
  2. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Sorry things are so rough, I hate it when things are going badly with everyone. Times like this truly take away your energy. Try to stay strong and take care of you, even something small like going out for an ice cream, but do something, and know that this time with pass.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sorry you are feeling so badly. Dont picture things the way you are though. S2bx is not sitting in jail in his suit..they do give them jumpsuits. If difficult child 1 is browbeating you, simply dont listen to him. I once told mine that I didnt take orders well, I wasnt a fast food restaurant. See...Im on the ODD spectrum and if you order me to do something...well...thats the fastest way to get me to not do something...lol.

    difficult child 2...sigh...he is probably reacting to all the stress. Try the talk to the hand mentality. If he cant say something in a nice way, he doesnt get responded to.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. Sometimes things just really seem to stink. Take some time to pamper yourself this weekend, even if it is just with a cup of tea and a book or magazine for half an hour.

    Please remember that THEIR choices are not YOUR fault. Please try to hit an Al Anon meeting this weekend, it will really help.

    Sending hugs .
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Join some of us in striking against our rude children. difficult child 2 can be civilized. If he NEEDS something, he better appreciate the source. He doesn't have the right to demand anything of you. It is your choice to take on that responsibility and he better learn that you do it out of love, not because he decides. The "Nothing from me until you can ask respectfully" is o.k. to implement. If he gets furious, he can not physically hurt you. He will need to work on his anger management in order to get any extras.

    Same with difficult child II. Still have to provide his basic needs for survival but that is it. He also needs to appreciate what you do for him.

    As with my rude 18 yr old daughter, nothing is ever good enough for her so I have stopped trying. I went on strike with her and it actually seems to be working. She has become so rude that I know it will take time to stop her behavior but it is getting better. We are on day 8 of her not using bad language (after several start and stops of the month). She has to go one month. I didn't want to say one week because that is easy and by one month it should be more of a habit?

  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    AOG, sorry that you're having to put up with all of that negativity.

    I'm with Andy. I think TerryJ2 was saying in another post that if she had to listen to the whining and complaining whether she did for her difficult child or not, then she might as well not.
    I think you're in the same place. If they can't ask you nicely for things or even treat you with basic civility and respect, then they don't get the things.

    I also agree that an Al Anon meeting will help.

    Time to take care of YOU. Please be gentle with yourself. Remember Y A N A V

  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I have to echo what susie said...their choices are not your fault. All you can do is take care of you. Easier said than done, I know, I'm not always good at that, either. How about a pedicure after that Al-anon meeting? Bright orange toes?
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i'm so sorry also.......

    hugs to you

  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Big squishy ((((hugs))))

    That reeks all the way around.

    But their choices are not your choices.

    I think I'd stop taking s2bx's sisters phone calls. It's just making you feel crummy and there is nothing you can do to help him.

    As for the difficult children, a "talk to the hand" is a good idea.

    I know it's not easy when you're in the thick of it, but try not to let it weigh you down. I also think an al-anon meeting would do you a world of good if you can get there.

  10. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Sorry you're going through this! On s2bx?

    He needs a kick in the a**! "Tried to take his life?" You know, maybe that was to try and take a spin at a psychiatric hospital. rather than general population. I hope I don't sound cold, but he's a grown man who made his bed so let him lie in it.

    Please please please keep in mind that he's GOT to hit bottom before he'll be remotely successful at gaining and maintaining sobriety. Any ounce of sympathy from you will make it harder to see that he's at the bottom. That's why his mom and sis are toxic to his recovery.

    difficult child 1 and 2 are teens. They're icky little kids in a teenagers body - 0h - and that's how I feel about all kids right now (even the one still bouncing around my insides - she's been a real difficult child lately!).


    I will give you my latest prescription. Horror movies, Halloween candy (the favorite that you had when you were a kid), a six-pack of soda and foam rubber cut into roughly brick-size.

    The movies candy and soda are for you to have a marathon of mindless stupidity and the foam rubber bricks are to be thrown at the head of anyone (difficult child 2 comes to mind) that disturbs you during your movie time.

    Feel better!

    Lasted edited by : Oct 11, 2008
  11. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    LMAO Beth! foam bricks for everyone!