Tired of Drama, Drama

[Tired Mama in WV]

I have been reading this post for about a year now. I have a 21 year old Difficult Child, I think that she is Bi-Polar and also has Borderline Personality Disorder. She started smoking weed when she was 12. She ended up in juvenile jail at 15 and stayed until she was 20. The juvenile system tried every way in the world to help her, they sent her to two different colleges and beauty school. Nothing has worked, every time that they put her some where else, she does something else to get thrown out, mostly sexual acts with other men. She stole her money to pay for college and ran with an under age girl. It took almost 2 weeks to find her. She prostituted herself while she was on the run to make money to support them. I would have no way to know how many sexual partners she has had. The whole time she was in jail she cut herself. She has cuts all over her arms and the upper parts of her thighs. She got out of jail in May of 2016 and by August she was pregnant. She is on prescription drugs for bi-polar and she drinks and smokes weed every time she gets her hands on it. She lives with a boy that is 23 years old and he is just as messed up as she is. She will not leave him because the drugs flow free. They have my 1st grand-daughter and she is a beautiful good baby. I am amazed but she is a pretty good mother. She has stolen from me in the past, money, jewelry and other items that she could pawn. She was doing better not stealing from me until this morning when I figured out that she is using my debit card to buy stuff from I-tunes. She got on my cell phone and changed my icloud account so that she can buy stuff for the baby. It is not a lot of money but i am so tired of her taking my stuff without asking. I have been an enabler to her for over the past year and over the past few weeks I have worked really hard to set boundaries and stop enabling her. Then today I find these charges. I called Apple and they issued a refund to me but I am so good to her. She swears that she did not do it but it has to be her. I try not to give her money or buy her anything like cigarettes. Just yesterday I went and bought her baby a bunch of clothes. I am so tired of being used and not appreciated. I don't want to eliminate her out of my life because I love the baby so much but I don't know what to do.

 

[BusynMember]

Why on earth is she living with you, even before the baby??? Your daughter is over the edge.. the criminal behavior says she should NOT be in your house, with you. Call CPS. Your daughter can not possibly be a good mother. Your grand needs a stable home with sane parents. One day your daughter will get angry with you and run off with baby if you dont do something to prevent it. You may not know where they are. If you are in a position and want to, go for custody. Sorry, but your daughter is very unstable, does dangerous things and will put this baby in harm's way. You can help. You know you can...call CPS.

Did you turn daughter in for stealing? I turned my daughter in for less and she has been living a good life now for twelve years. Not holding daughter accountable will hurt her and you as well.

Do you have a husband, other loved ones, other people that her behavior disrupts?

After all the help she got, and she is no better, i feel it would be best to evict her and start your own life over...in a peaceful sanctuary, your own home. Your daughter needs to change and living the good life on your dime, stealing, using drugs, not working a legal job...she has no motivation to change.

She shows a willingness to harm those who love her the most, as if she has no conscience. My opinion is save yourself, get help for the granddaughter and change your locks, your bank accounts, your credit cards, everything. You will be foolish to keep this daughter in your home.

I know this is hard, but life is not all about your daughter. You need to protect yourself and others from her. I am no doctor. To me she sounds antisocial.

Love and light! Call CPS.

 

[Littleboylost]

TM
Boundaries and expectations are critical. Your daughter is now 23. I understand complexity. My son is 18 however we have been battling with him since he was 15.

We strive to find a balance between loving and enabling. This is usually when those that abuse us can get ugly. We need to stand our ground.

I would not cut her out completely, set your boundaries and expectations and be firm. If she does not respect these boundaries then she is not welcome to engage in your life.

I am so certain this is difficult with a bandy in the mix as well. If she is a good mother, she does know how to do the right thing and make the right choices.

You are not alone.