Tired of the drama of dysfunctional people

[Steely]

You know, I am pretty over my workplace and the drama I have dealing with these dysfunctional dimwits.
I am sorry, what?
You are 40 years old, and you cannot be told you did not get the promotion without a tantrum?
What? You actually admit to doing underhanded, vindicative things to get "back at the boss" because you were mad your friend did not get the promotion?
Uh, I am sorry, what "my boss"? I am supposed to just shut up and ride it out when people are acting like 2 year olds? Because that is "what we do".
What about standards, expectations, a level of professionalism. If the mgmt does not implement it, no one will.

I hate political drama and mindgames. I have already been married twice - there is no need to showcase my level of understanding of how people play mindgames. I refuse to be a part of them at this stage of my life. Period.

And then we have bio-dad who calls whining and feeling sorry for himself because it is his birthday and no one loves him. Click. Dial tone.

After all of this I sat on the stockroom floor crying because I miss H.
She would have called what happened today "crazy making".
She would have understood.
What if no one else, ever, understands like her?
She made me feel vindicated, when others were vindicative.
She made me feel sane, when others made me feel insane.
She was my rock, and my anchor.
I need her.
I just want to be with her, wherever she is. Even if it is in death that we can be together again. I need her more than I need this crappy life.

I am tired, really, really tired. I took this job because it is a company that ranks in the top 100 to work for every year. Apparently Fortune magazine is deceived - or I am an aberration - or this store is an aberration.

And difficult child - well - OMG. His dad did a number on him, and he is now a guilt jerked bundle of you know what.

 

[Hound dog]

Steely

It might not be a bad idea to start sending out some resumes. I honestly don't think this is the job for you, and I don't give a hoot what Fortune whatever mag thinks. (and I've thought so for a very long time) They don't have to work with these people. Of course they could say great things about them.

No one should have to be that miserable at work. I'm serious. No job, no amt of money is worth that much misery. And I think it's only making you feel worse all the way around.

Let those nutcases have each other. You deserve better.

I wish I could reach through this screen and wrap my arms around you and give you real ((((hugs)))) but cyber one will have to do.

 

[KTMom91]

I agree that it's time to get resumes out. Your job description doesn't include babysitting the dyfunctional, even if you ARE a member of management. Too many stores become little crazy kingdoms, run by the whims of the "big boss", and as long as sales look good, they get away with it. Lots and lots of hugs to you...you deserve much better than this.

 

[totoro]

Do you have the energy to start looking for another job? What does difficult child need right now? Do you think he is affected by H's death? Has it hit him yet? Is it a combo of winnerDad and everything else affecting him? Is he still doing his classes?
I wish bio-dad didn't make things worse, so you could get a break and some time maybe to just clear your head.
There just doesn't seem to be any easy answers. You have so many things going on. Mentally, emotionally- all so draining.
You can not get s-ucked into the thinking that it would be easier to be with H though. It is not your time. It isn't.
I would maybe start looking just to take my mind off of things... maybe another job is just waiting for for you?
Hang in there S, we are rooting for you!

 

[wakeupcall]

Mary is so right. Company's employees of upper management get away with almost anything as long as the bottom-line numbers are good. Make that money! That's the motto! They start forgetting WE are human beings. I also work for one of those "Fortune 100 Top Places to Work".....but I refuse to be part of their game, so I work parttime, on-call. I'm so sorry you're hurting.....move on!

 

[donna723]

I know exactly what you mean, and you certainly don't need all that right now! I'd be sending out resumes too.

No matter what some magazine says about your company being a "good place to work", what really defines your personal working conditions is that little group of people that surrounds you every day, your immediate co-workers. From what you said about how they related to you after your sister's death, they sound like an insensitive, inconsiderate, clueless bunch of people!

I do know how you feel. I work for State government and we have Civil Service regulations for the "big stuff" but it's the little day-to-day craziness that wears you down. Grown people acting like children, so many people on their own personal little power trips, the inflated egos, the ones who are buttering up and s*cking up, the injustices and unfairness ... then if you complain, you are considered to be the "troublemaker"! Yep, been there - done that! And if I were you, I'd be looking for a different job. You don't need all this, not now. Good luck, honey. Don't let them get you down. There's a better job out there for you and I hope you find it.

 

[nvts]

After all of this I sat on the stockroom floor crying because I miss H.
She would have called what happened today "crazy making".
She would have understood.
What if no one else, ever, understands like her?
She made me feel vindicated, when others were vindicative.
She made me feel sane, when others made me feel insane.
She was my rock, and my anchor.
I need her.
I just want to be with her, wherever she is. Even if it is in death that we can be together again. I need her more than I need this crappy life.

I hope that I'm not reading more into the above than I think I am! H would kill you if you did something rash.

Listen: I can't begin to imagine that I know what you're going through. But let's list this out as best as we can:

1. H disappeared and something terrible happened. You've gotten no complete answers that will allow you to feel your feelings and move on. You feel stuck and disoriented and mad and sad and angry and then guilty for feeling angry.

2. you were away from difficult child so that lit up even more troubles for him, so you feel stuck and disoriented and mad and sad and angry and then guilty for feeling angry.

3. you were excited about working at this place, found out that they're a pack of wolverines that dress really well. They've now caused you to feel stuck and disorineted and mad and sad and angry and then guilty for feeling angry.

4. one of the top 100 best places in the world to work for svcks to work for.

5. your doctor was a dork that tried to stop you from sleeping for 8 hours and you resorted to sleeping 2 and going crazy trying to fall asleep.

Hmmmmm. Are you taking anything for depression? Might want to think about that!

Now: we've laid it all out - what can you change?

Well, 1 is going to be with you for a looooong time. But if you accept that H was there in the storeroom telling you everything you needed to hear, you will understand what we've been telling you. She's there! Look for the hug! Look for the pennies from heaven (I don't know if you've read any of those stories, but they're amazing). Pennies from heaven are the ones that just show up when you're thinking of someone that's passed.

2. difficult child will get through this. He always does. It's a pain in the butt, but not insurmountable.

3. we'll get back to that

4. ALL CORPORATIONS THAT CATER TO WALL STREET SVCK! no ifs ands or buts!

5. You already beat the doctor at his own game, so you win!

Now, back to number 3. Basically, rule of thumb: it's time to sit down with your manager and go over your expectations on what your job entails and what the roles are that you're supposed to fulfill. For pete's sake, this is like when I worked for a major telecommunications giant, and it felt like they'd shackle your ankles and yell "run".

What's her agenda? What are her expectations? How does she propose you fulfill her expectations? What is the exact job description of not only your job, but the role/responsibilities of the people working for you? This seems like one of those bosses who likes to be "in charge" as long as everyone likes her.

I hope I'm not overstepping here, but you sound really, really depressed and I'm worried about you being so dispondent. If you need to talk, feel free to pm me and I'll be happy to be an ear (although I'm often accused of being more of an as$!). lol

Beth

 

[witzend]

I hate to hear that you are having such a hard time, and that you feel there is no one to talk to. Have you looked up any of the therapists in your area that work on a sliding fee scale? There's Lutheran Family Services, Catholic Family Services, Jewish Family Services, etc... You don't have to belong to their faith to use their services. Each day on the waiting list is one less day you have to wait.


Don't let the f'ers get you down, girl. I know this is hard but the only way to get through it is to plow on through. You don't want to go through the rest of your life this unhappy, or to end your life so unhappy. I promise you if you look for it you will find something worth smiling about. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday. And just knowing that it is out there waiting for you is like a little blessing to keep you going.

You have my number, call if you need to talk.

 

[Steely]

Thank you guys - SO much. I do feel despondent and depressed. And yes I am on Lexapro. My counselor has had the flu, but I see her twice this week to make up for it so maybe that will help.

Yea. I am gonna talk to the mgr when he gets back from vacation about all of this. I agree, perhaps time to move on. The stupid thing is that I just got here. It is true though, as long as these stores are making money - that is all they care about. I am just another peon in their corporate landscape.

difficult child is a whole other story. I mean, big picture, compared to the past, he is doing OK. When compared to where he needs to be, well, that is a whole other story. I know I just need to be the one to push him, and lay down the mandates and laws - but I just have nothing in me right now. At this point, if he wants to lay in front of the tv all day, as long as he is quiet, I don't even care. And I know, that is horrible. It is so far from where I used to be as a parent. OMG. So far.

I saw my parents tonight. It just made me cry. My dad is having these weird problems, and we are not sure if it is the chemo or the cancer, or some other health aberration. When I left he was out talking to his adopted dog, who is actually the neighbors dog, Lottie. My mom said he talks to her through the neighbors fence when he is sad. It broke my heart. I have never seen him this sad. My dad does not even do sad.
And they so want me to be "happy" and "ok" - and as hard as I freaking try I am not. I can't even have a job that is normal. I feel like such a failure.

My mom brought me back what I can have of H.'s things. I can't even open the package. On top is her hat she used to wear as a kid. And then there are some pictures - and then there is her blankie she toted around as a tot. I can't even touch it. I can't even reach in the package beyond the blankie to see what else is in there. I am just deluged with emotion just looking at the pink blankie.

Nvts. What is pennies from heaven? A book?
And to answer your question - no, I would not ever do anything rash. I have my son after all. It is just that I wish I could be with her. No matter what. I just wish. This is all too hard down here.