difficult child had his first pass yesterday and I took him and some of his friends to the park to play football and then out to lunch. It was great! He was really happy, just himself again and there were no problems (other than we got MAJORLY lost!). We were 15 minutes late getting back because we were lost but I will call his counselor about it tomorrow. I didn't hear from him last night which concerns me. When he was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he would get very upset after his visits and get homesick. That's why I didn't bring him to our house (though it's really not ours anymore!). He still would rather be with his friends than me, which I guess is understandable given his age, but I am TIRED. Tired to the bone. There aren't words to describe how tired I am. Arrests, suicide attempts, Residential Treatment Center (RTC), the attack, difficult child in jail, getting difficult child into hospital, slammed with the divorce thing, cleaning and selling the house, worrying about difficult child, cleaning out the house (finally done, the dumpster in the front yard is full!), moving, worrying about the next steps for difficult child. I KNOW he's an adult. I KNOW that it's time for me to turn off the "worried button", but I can't. I can't control him anymore, I have no say in his treatment - he is a legal adult. I am trying SO hard to not be his Mommy anymore and just be his mom. He knows he can't come and live with me, but he won't talk about it. He HATES the hospital, but I think he's scared of what comes next. So am I. I am scared of the drugs. I am scared of him going back to jail for 9 years. God, I am SO tired of being afraid! I'm afraid of moving. I don't know why. I don't want to be in this house anymore and it's sold so I have to go, but I'm scared. Not rational. Nothing seems rational right now. Ugh. Not a good morning!