To all who responded to my recent posts -

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Feb 28, 2011.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Thank you oh so very much.
    I woke up today to find the 2 posts that I had written 2 days apart, right next to each other - and I read them all together - and realized that, first of all, I have a great, caring group of friends who give great advice:) - and second - the first post about forgiveness is what I needed to do to get out of the second post's funk. I have to forgive myself, accept myself, and love myself before my life will be what I want it to be.

    I hope everyone knows that I do not have any pity towards myself at all - rather I have anger. Every time something bad happens I blame myself, chastise myself, rehearse in my mind a thousand times how I should have done it. Therefore all the bad things in my life are my fault. I have so much negative self talk, that incessantly chatters in my brain - you are stupid, worthless, etc., etc. And that is the part within myself that has to change, in order for me to be happy. And the only way that can change is for me to forgive, love, and make peace with myself.

    After this year I took this time off because I do believe, to some extent, that I have created or added drama in my life that did not need to be there if I was healthy. I decided to finish the book, in order to come full circle, have a fresh start, and learn to love myself. I know many of you thought that I should go back to work - but I have thought long and hard about this for 2 months - and everything within me resounds that I must press forward with putting all my effort for the next 6 months into writing the book, and making peace with myself. My heart feels it fully, it is my psyche that is squirming. This job offer will always be with this company, as it is a huge company, and now that I have gone through their 8 million interviews, my resume stands as one that is approved for their XYZ type of position - in any state.

    Anyway, I just again want to say thank you - to all of you. Every single post brought a morsel of wisdom that just seemed to collectively tell me what I needed to go forward.
    PS - (Star, I do understand what you were trying to say. Thanks for the time you put into trying to help - and I am sorry I was defensive.)
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I'm glad it clicked into place for you, and I hope the additional pieces keep falling neatly into place, too! Look forward to more (good) updates from you, and hopefully the chance to buy a Kindle version of your book if you go the publication route.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}} Steely.

    We love you! And I'm glad it clicked. Sometimes, that's what we need!
  4. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    Just simply - HUGS

    One step closer - you did listen to the inner self after all!
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, Steely.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Steely, it's only a journey that you can make. You have to decide what is best for you. We love you, and we can advise and say what did/didn't work for us........but in the end, you still must make the choices as you move down the road to healing.

    Only thing I have to add is that you're much much stronger than you can even imagine, later it will dawn on you, though and you'll be like "well, I'll be d*mned!" lol

  7. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    You'll get to a place you want to be, one of peace. I can see you are on the right track. Be kind to yourself. Hugs!