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Parent Emeritus
To parents of older difficult children
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 74485" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>I agree with HH. Until I got that part, that the person who looks like my son is not him, I spent so much time being befuddled. (Rolling my eyes at my own foolishness, here.) I just couldn't believe what was happening kept happening. Somewhere in the heart of me, I love my son so much I never really made a separation from him.</p><p></p><p>But, like HH says, there isn't anyone there, in that place where I used to know I loved him.</p><p></p><p>I don't consciously KNOW I love my daughter or grandchildren, either. I just feel more complete when I can touch and see and talk to them, and they make me happy.</p><p></p><p>That is how it felt to parent my son, once upon a time.</p><p></p><p>Now, where he used to be, there is a dark, truncated spot.</p><p></p><p>It feels like we never got to know the end of that story.</p><p></p><p>Like opening this really good book and finding that it ends in the early middle.</p><p></p><p>I think it has to do with trust.</p><p></p><p>On some level, I am aware now that difficult child will do whatever is necessary to ~ I don't know. Come out on top, I guess? HE does not seem to love us. He certainly doesn't believe in or cherish us.</p><p></p><p>And it's like, once I understood that, it was easier for me.</p><p></p><p>It makes me very sad that this is so ~ but where I am now is so much better a place than where I spent all those desperate years trying to save difficult child.</p><p></p><p>What a depressing post!</p><p></p><p>So much better than it used to be, though.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p><p> :smile:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 74485, member: 1721"] I agree with HH. Until I got that part, that the person who looks like my son is not him, I spent so much time being befuddled. (Rolling my eyes at my own foolishness, here.) I just couldn't believe what was happening kept happening. Somewhere in the heart of me, I love my son so much I never really made a separation from him. But, like HH says, there isn't anyone there, in that place where I used to know I loved him. I don't consciously KNOW I love my daughter or grandchildren, either. I just feel more complete when I can touch and see and talk to them, and they make me happy. That is how it felt to parent my son, once upon a time. Now, where he used to be, there is a dark, truncated spot. It feels like we never got to know the end of that story. Like opening this really good book and finding that it ends in the early middle. I think it has to do with trust. On some level, I am aware now that difficult child will do whatever is necessary to ~ I don't know. Come out on top, I guess? HE does not seem to love us. He certainly doesn't believe in or cherish us. And it's like, once I understood that, it was easier for me. It makes me very sad that this is so ~ but where I am now is so much better a place than where I spent all those desperate years trying to save difficult child. What a depressing post! So much better than it used to be, though. Barbara [img]:smile:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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