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<blockquote data-quote="envisablepuppet" data-source="post: 74585" data-attributes="member: 585"><p>This is really, really long but I need to say it.</p><p></p><p>I think alot of the problems here stem from DHs attitude. In my eyes she has pretty much turned into a typical 22yr old female. I did the same kinds of things she is doing when I was her age and I was considered a decent responsible person in most ppls eyes. husband on the other hand was h*** on wheels and pretty much stayed that way well into his 30s. I guess he forgot about all that.</p><p></p><p>Anyone here that knows my story knows how far she has come in the past year or so. She went from a pretty much homeless druggie in an extremely abusive relationship, jobless, futureless bum to someone with a much brighter future.</p><p></p><p>She now has a good job, new car (she got the loan herself) nice boyfriend, and has been off meth for over a year now and she pays her own bills. Granted she is still a difficult child but she is making progress and I am very proud of her. </p><p></p><p>husband on the other hand, treated her better when her life was such a mess. Maybe it was because every time she walked out the door he had to worry about <em>the phone call</em>. </p><p></p><p>Don't get me wrong he still helps her out and loves her dearly. The problem seems to be that he expects her to appreciate it so much she becomes a problem free perfect person. I don't know of anyone I can say that about but that seems to be exactly what he does expect. </p><p></p><p>I am to the point where I wish he would just stop doing anything for her no matter how small it is because it just gives him something else to grip about. If she doesnt do everything <em>exactly </em> how he tells her it should be done he gets over the top angry about it and threatens to completely disown her. He includes me in this decision but do I have news for him. He will not tell me what kind of relationship I am allowed to have with my child. </p><p></p><p>It's not even that I disagree with a lot of his complaints. I agree with most of them. But even the minor things send him into a massive fit.</p><p></p><p>A couple of days ago he was having one of his usual grip fests and I told him I just want her to pay us the money she owes us (yes she has been paying) and then I want her to move out. He got mad about me saying that. He doesnt want her to leave. </p><p></p><p>I on the other hand think it's time for her to take that next step. I love her to death and would keep her here forever but it's not healthy for her. They all need to fly at some point and I think she is ready to give it a shot and see how it goes. She also wants to leave but doesnt want to hurt husband. </p><p></p><p>I know how much all the above is completely contradicting it's self if that makes any since at all. But in defence of husband, he wasnt always like this. Just the past year of so. He had a serious injury and is on pain management so both easy child/difficult child and I take this into consideration. But it is just so hard.</p><p></p><p>She got off work early today and I told her how I have been filling about our relationship. She told me she fills the same way and really misses the way it used be. I always thought she did but it doesnt get the chance to get vocalised like it should. </p><p></p><p>She has gotten a lot like me. Wondering what it's going to be today and do I really want to even go home. She is defensive and hostile most of the time and thinking about it I guess I can understand why. She told me she is hoping to be able to start looking for her own place in a few weeks. Then she kissed me and told me she loves me and husband more then anything and that our relationship is separate in her eyes then her relationship with husband. She seems to understand what is going on with dad better then I thought she did. Another sign of maturing?</p><p></p><p>We will see what tonight brings :frown: *sigh*</p><p></p><p>Sorry it's so long and thank you for reading it. I feel so much better now.</p><p></p><p>Lea</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="envisablepuppet, post: 74585, member: 585"] This is really, really long but I need to say it. I think alot of the problems here stem from DHs attitude. In my eyes she has pretty much turned into a typical 22yr old female. I did the same kinds of things she is doing when I was her age and I was considered a decent responsible person in most ppls eyes. husband on the other hand was h*** on wheels and pretty much stayed that way well into his 30s. I guess he forgot about all that. Anyone here that knows my story knows how far she has come in the past year or so. She went from a pretty much homeless druggie in an extremely abusive relationship, jobless, futureless bum to someone with a much brighter future. She now has a good job, new car (she got the loan herself) nice boyfriend, and has been off meth for over a year now and she pays her own bills. Granted she is still a difficult child but she is making progress and I am very proud of her. husband on the other hand, treated her better when her life was such a mess. Maybe it was because every time she walked out the door he had to worry about [i]the phone call[/i]. Don't get me wrong he still helps her out and loves her dearly. The problem seems to be that he expects her to appreciate it so much she becomes a problem free perfect person. I don't know of anyone I can say that about but that seems to be exactly what he does expect. I am to the point where I wish he would just stop doing anything for her no matter how small it is because it just gives him something else to grip about. If she doesnt do everything [i]exactly [/i] how he tells her it should be done he gets over the top angry about it and threatens to completely disown her. He includes me in this decision but do I have news for him. He will not tell me what kind of relationship I am allowed to have with my child. It's not even that I disagree with a lot of his complaints. I agree with most of them. But even the minor things send him into a massive fit. A couple of days ago he was having one of his usual grip fests and I told him I just want her to pay us the money she owes us (yes she has been paying) and then I want her to move out. He got mad about me saying that. He doesnt want her to leave. I on the other hand think it's time for her to take that next step. I love her to death and would keep her here forever but it's not healthy for her. They all need to fly at some point and I think she is ready to give it a shot and see how it goes. She also wants to leave but doesnt want to hurt husband. I know how much all the above is completely contradicting it's self if that makes any since at all. But in defence of husband, he wasnt always like this. Just the past year of so. He had a serious injury and is on pain management so both easy child/difficult child and I take this into consideration. But it is just so hard. She got off work early today and I told her how I have been filling about our relationship. She told me she fills the same way and really misses the way it used be. I always thought she did but it doesnt get the chance to get vocalised like it should. She has gotten a lot like me. Wondering what it's going to be today and do I really want to even go home. She is defensive and hostile most of the time and thinking about it I guess I can understand why. She told me she is hoping to be able to start looking for her own place in a few weeks. Then she kissed me and told me she loves me and husband more then anything and that our relationship is separate in her eyes then her relationship with husband. She seems to understand what is going on with dad better then I thought she did. Another sign of maturing? We will see what tonight brings [img]:frown:[/img] *sigh* Sorry it's so long and thank you for reading it. I feel so much better now. Lea [/QUOTE]
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