to punish or not to punish....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by confuzzled, Nov 22, 2011.

  1. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member


    i try to be consistent. one of our rules this year is that if you get detention, automatic punishment from electronics for the day.

    havent had a single problem with school all year, until today.

    i dont have the details yet, just the dreaded message that she has detention on monday for a problem with a teacher today (sigh, the one old, crotchety one of course).

    i dont want to make excuses for any bad behavior, but i actually do know the contributing factor today. she vomitted all of her medications this morning. i was afraid to re-give them, so she is probably completely medication-free today. i'll bet she feels like koi. (guess thats a HUGE testimonial to how much the medications do help!).

    so i'm leaning toward not punishing at home--she'll still have detention of course. she'll tell me the truth when i ask what happened today, so unless its some crazy bad offense i think its probably unfair to punish. (not a doubt it was either rudeness or work refusal)

  2. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    I would leave it at that.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well in this case, unless she has done something absolutely horrible, she will be receiving a consequence so other than having a talk with her about the medications and needs for them, I would let it go for now. I know, how odd for me to say this huh?
  4. Chaosuncontained

    Chaosuncontained New Member

    I think if school is "punishing" for something that happened at school... I mean, If something happens at home we don't expect the school to "punish" for it.

    I do always make Carson write an "I'm sorry" letter though. But he's only 9, so...
  5. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member


    (principal called, it was disrespect--rushed through work to do something else, got snippy when the teacher told her to fix it, and it all went downhill from there)

    she told me the second she got home. all of it, and she was clear on where she went wrong. i know she is telling the truth too because she babbled this convoluted analogy that this teacher used on us parents at BTS night, of which *i* thought was nuts at the time, LOL. it wasnt something anyone could make up.

    apparently she not only has detention, but she was also given a 0, even though she did most of the work--answered the questions, but apparently not robustly enough--i hate rubrics. ::headdesk::

    so thats more than enough. i told her it was a free pass just.this.once. but it better not happen again. i am the first person to let the school do the punishing--we only instituted the electronics punishment when the school punishment wasnt effective. (there was no direct correlation--she'd get in trouble on a monday and be expected to serve some kind of punishment on a friday--most of the time the crime was long forgotten, and it was a source of frustration for both of us)

    and dont worry janet--even she gets the importantance of medications. its not optional here. she's had a problem with the morning pukes--im about positive its vitamins--and i think i might try moving them to after school...we'll try it over the holiday. she has actual deficiencies, so its not an option to d/c them, but as long as they dont activate, i can move the dosing time.

    thanks for call from school kicks my PTSD into overdrive ;-)
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh I didnt mean to actually have a long convo...just kinda a shaking of the head and a long drawn out sigh like thing...going..sheesh...we dont wanna do that again do we? Whew!

    Thats the sort of self talk I do to myself in my head when I forget to take my medications at the correct time and I know I mess up, so when my kids were younger we said it together. Sort of a talking together moment.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I agree with the punishment at schooll for this incident is plenty enough. If this was the offense- this is now a natural consequence and not your worry.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I never punish at home for in school problems. I keep them separate. Sounds like kiddo wasn't "right" today without medications...I'd just let it go with the detention.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'd highlight the "medications mess-up day" part of it... as in, if she has this kind of day from medications refusal, you're not likely to go so lightly on her, but a day like today happens to the best of us...
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like it's under control now. And I think this also drives home the point of the medications, in case she was waffling. (Was she sick to begin with-? Took them on an empty stomach?)
    Next week will be better. :)
  11. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    It sounds to me like you made the right call. She knows that she did something wrong and did not try to hide it from you, or blame it all on the teacher. She has to sit through detention and she got a 0 for the work (that part I'm not crazy about. If she did the work, she should at least receive partial credit, but that's just me).