To SomewhereOutThere


New Member

I wanted to send you this as a private message, but then realized that that's blocked, so I'm writing here. I've recently signed up for the boards after reading for a long, long time, and I want to thank ALL parents who are contributing to the wealth of information and personal experiences here. i especially want to thank YOU, because I feel I can relate so much to some of your experiences.

I have two children, one biological and one adopted from overseas. My difficult child is my biological daughter who is suffering from bipolar disorder and eating disorders. My younger son, 16, is recently becoming more and more difficult. He reminds me a lot of your now estranged son. (please feel free to not reply or go into that issue... I know it's painful). We adopted him when he was 3 years old, and like your former son, he was diagnosed as highly gifted with a high IQ score. He taught himself programming at a young age, and has even sold a small program he's designed to a software company. I've realized, recently,. that he has not fully attached to us. He's always been very "cold", very detached. These days, he often speak badly about our daughter, mainly because of her problems... he said that she shouldn't have children because of her "bad genetics", and that we should not have had children in the first place. I was stunned. I have never realized, until now, just how cold and lacking in compassion he can be. He was always very sweet. Now he mocks people who are poor or mentally ill as "not taking responsibility for themselves".
He's also said, during a meeting of our adoptive parents' meeting, that he probably wouldn't mind not seeing us again. When asked directly, he shrugged and said that he takes responsibility for his own actions and feels that he can manage on his own.

I'm beginning to wonder if his previous behavior, over the past 13 years, was just a show. He's becoming more rigid in his beliefs concerning "taking responsibility", "playing the victim card" and so on. (I've worried about him being on the spectrum, but testing ruled that out, so I can't blame it on that).

Your posts and your sharing of your experience is a huge comfort for me. It shows me one way in which our relationship could turn out. Thank you so much.