For Christmas. On the one hand I think it could really be fun. If Q is the Q I know he can be it will be great. He will appreciate everything and get through ok. He always has moments, we are all used to that. But this year is more of a gamble. Since he sometimes goes off....I think I am just a little worried. Staying home is an option of course but not really. I have gifts to bring because we draw the kids names I got the youngest so she would be missing out on her gift. That would ruin everyone's day because she is a semi-difficult child herself. Q looks forward to this so much so I feel like I just need to really do my best to help him through it, not punish him for his being who he is. Luckily it is only my dad and his wife, my sisters and their kids. Not like it is a huge extended family gathering or anything. Our traditional low key thing. tomorrow we go to my sister's house and have Christmas with my mom. I wish I could go to church. The good news, since we are nearly off the Prozac, I have noticed this week at 1ml he is able to hold off any aggression even when he is really mad. He will also rub my back, pat me, hug me, etc. Like he used to a LONG time ago. He will be completely off of it in a couple of weeks. I think I will do half ml. for one week. His brain can't handle the stopping easily. Prozac is one of the ones he does not have the enzymes to process so he should not have been on it but we didn't know until after he was already on it. So, we dont have teh daily blow ups anymore. I have to remember we had that situation (though he was smaller) when he was in 3rd grade and once things were stabilized with medications he was good for years. (the once in a while stuff I can handle). So, why am I not feeling like this year will be not so great? I think it is that the last few family things ended so ugly. I have one sister who doesn't mean to but sets him off. She lays down the law instead of ignoring the tic/blurts. She does that because her little one tells on him and so she feels like she needs to set an example but it always blows up. I have tried to explain and even one time just went off on her and she didn't talk to me or even let her kids visit me for months. We had NEVER had a fight like that in our family in my life. So it was a big deal. She ignores Q and he is desperate for her attention because long ago she was a pca for him and they were very close. He feels rejected so he bugs the bleep out of her for attention. She is the one at Thanksgiving that ended up going thru the ads with him and doing really well. So, I am hoping it goes more like that. Maybe this is just anxiety over what might happen and I need to just let it go.... we always handle things, I usually am able to look past the bumps, so time to suck it up and knock this off. It feels like PMS but I have not had a cycle since Q went into the hospital. The "hot flashes" or whatever those were, have stopped and I am eating better so maybe it is starting again and that is all it is??? If so, great, but why on Christmas day? uggg. Sorry, rambling.... Q took a bath, is doing well now that the medications are kicked in and I need to be an adult and get this all under control. My house is a mess and I know that is making me feel awful too. One thing at a time. I think a nice good smelling bath will help. I apologize for being a DeeDee downer.... would sure love a Christmas miracle like in the movies.