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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 644469" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>So, this is what is happening. I was popped into the FOG when I learned about the threats difficult child daughter made regarding harming the kids and then herself. This is the piece I would not let myself see and yet, could not leave alone. </p><p></p><p>But that is the horror in the dark that I was whistling my way past.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>The last time difficult child was acting so strangely, we went South anyway, leaving difficult child daughter alone with her kids. husband take on it at that time was that once I was no longer there to take care of everyone, difficult child daughter would step into the mother role I had pretty much usurped.</p><p></p><p>So, that made sense to me.</p><p></p><p>(If it were up to me, no one would ever have to do anything for themselves because I would just get in there and do it for them.</p><p></p><p>This is actually true.)</p><p></p><p>But oh, boy, is that not what happened. Almost the instant we were gone (and difficult child daughter called to verify that we were actually down the road a piece, though we only put that part together later), difficult child began moving really bad people in.</p><p></p><p>We stopped hearing from her so much.</p><p></p><p>Denial played its part there, too. What we did hear, what we did see posted on FB, seemed to indicate that, except for moving one bad person in and quitting her job like, two minutes after we left town, things were fine at difficult child's house.</p><p></p><p>But that wasn't true.</p><p></p><p>So, though I did have the police do a safety check, and though I did know something wasn't right...I did not really know something was wrong, either. We had family check on difficult child daughter and the kids twice. Again, something strange, so many things just not right, but nothing concrete.</p><p></p><p>I considered calling social services regarding the kids, but decided against it.</p><p></p><p>And learned later that I should have. But it was too late, then.</p><p></p><p>So that is a piece of what is happening today. I don't want to be a day late and a dollar short again ~ especially knowing the real situation surrounding why the husband quit his job, and why he refuses to look for work, now. </p><p></p><p>It feels like I should go there, should take my daughter in hand, should protect her and the kids and the husband.</p><p></p><p>And that is what I need to stop. Those feelings. </p><p></p><p>That is my issue.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking myself into distraction. That's a choice. I will consciously make a different choice. I read last night that the way to do it is to yield. Not so much to let go (they boomerang back, those worrisome thoughts), but to yield to the joy underlying all things.</p><p></p><p>So I am going to hold that imagery. Open, and yield to the joy underlying all things.</p><p></p><p>Which is true, actually.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>The difference this time is that there is an adult male who is neither a druggie nor an addict living with difficult child daughter. Those are his kids. He will do what he has to to protect them.</p><p></p><p>I can, and should, do as husband suggests.</p><p></p><p>But I know another really scary secret thing about difficult child daughter and the way her mind works.</p><p></p><p>And that is preying on my mind, too.</p><p></p><p>This is the FOG.</p><p></p><p>Nothing is real until it is real. It is the dread we felt at what happened last time that is driving these feelings. </p><p> </p><p>So, that is a place for me to touch ground and stand up.</p><p></p><p>It's a choice.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 644469, member: 17461"] So, this is what is happening. I was popped into the FOG when I learned about the threats difficult child daughter made regarding harming the kids and then herself. This is the piece I would not let myself see and yet, could not leave alone. But that is the horror in the dark that I was whistling my way past. *** The last time difficult child was acting so strangely, we went South anyway, leaving difficult child daughter alone with her kids. husband take on it at that time was that once I was no longer there to take care of everyone, difficult child daughter would step into the mother role I had pretty much usurped. So, that made sense to me. (If it were up to me, no one would ever have to do anything for themselves because I would just get in there and do it for them. This is actually true.) But oh, boy, is that not what happened. Almost the instant we were gone (and difficult child daughter called to verify that we were actually down the road a piece, though we only put that part together later), difficult child began moving really bad people in. We stopped hearing from her so much. Denial played its part there, too. What we did hear, what we did see posted on FB, seemed to indicate that, except for moving one bad person in and quitting her job like, two minutes after we left town, things were fine at difficult child's house. But that wasn't true. So, though I did have the police do a safety check, and though I did know something wasn't right...I did not really know something was wrong, either. We had family check on difficult child daughter and the kids twice. Again, something strange, so many things just not right, but nothing concrete. I considered calling social services regarding the kids, but decided against it. And learned later that I should have. But it was too late, then. So that is a piece of what is happening today. I don't want to be a day late and a dollar short again ~ especially knowing the real situation surrounding why the husband quit his job, and why he refuses to look for work, now. It feels like I should go there, should take my daughter in hand, should protect her and the kids and the husband. And that is what I need to stop. Those feelings. That is my issue. I am thinking myself into distraction. That's a choice. I will consciously make a different choice. I read last night that the way to do it is to yield. Not so much to let go (they boomerang back, those worrisome thoughts), but to yield to the joy underlying all things. So I am going to hold that imagery. Open, and yield to the joy underlying all things. Which is true, actually. *** The difference this time is that there is an adult male who is neither a druggie nor an addict living with difficult child daughter. Those are his kids. He will do what he has to to protect them. I can, and should, do as husband suggests. But I know another really scary secret thing about difficult child daughter and the way her mind works. And that is preying on my mind, too. This is the FOG. Nothing is real until it is real. It is the dread we felt at what happened last time that is driving these feelings. So, that is a place for me to touch ground and stand up. It's a choice. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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