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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 637392" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>To Echo's and Recovering's observations, I would add that the nature of the grieved thing, of the loss we feel, changes and deepens and sours as our understanding of our situations changes.</p><p></p><p>There was a time I was so sure I was the responsible person. As I do in other areas of life, I tried to fix what I had done.</p><p></p><p>Those continual losses were one kind of grief.</p><p></p><p>As I got into detachment, as I began to realize the true horror of it -- that there is something else driving this and I have no role and no control and no hope of ever having what I was so sure would be mine...that is another kind of grief, another kind of disbelief.</p><p></p><p>There are layers in between.</p><p></p><p>Each layer gets more echoey, as we start to really get it that this is what happened to us, and to our kids.</p><p></p><p>And our grandchildren.</p><p></p><p>The pain is real. You are right to grieve it. If I feel I am moving through it, I keep pushing. When I feel I am stuck in something I have already explored every aspect of to no avail, that is when I look for outside help.</p><p></p><p>I no longer trust "professionals" to have a clue about what I am going through. I post what is happening to me, here. </p><p></p><p>And that helps me.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening to you, too. But we are making our ways through it. We are going to be fine.</p><p></p><p>It IS a hard thing.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 637392, member: 17461"] To Echo's and Recovering's observations, I would add that the nature of the grieved thing, of the loss we feel, changes and deepens and sours as our understanding of our situations changes. There was a time I was so sure I was the responsible person. As I do in other areas of life, I tried to fix what I had done. Those continual losses were one kind of grief. As I got into detachment, as I began to realize the true horror of it -- that there is something else driving this and I have no role and no control and no hope of ever having what I was so sure would be mine...that is another kind of grief, another kind of disbelief. There are layers in between. Each layer gets more echoey, as we start to really get it that this is what happened to us, and to our kids. And our grandchildren. The pain is real. You are right to grieve it. If I feel I am moving through it, I keep pushing. When I feel I am stuck in something I have already explored every aspect of to no avail, that is when I look for outside help. I no longer trust "professionals" to have a clue about what I am going through. I post what is happening to me, here. And that helps me. I am sorry this is happening to you, too. But we are making our ways through it. We are going to be fine. It IS a hard thing. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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