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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 637424" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Actually, you didn't. </p><p></p><p>If you had taught your child the set of values he currently lives by, you would not be upset about what he is doing and where he is taking his life.</p><p></p><p>It has taken me forever to get that piece. They do know right from wrong. They do know the ways decent people behave. Each of us makes his or her choice about how to respond to the things, good and bad, that happen to all of us.</p><p></p><p>Those choices define the kind of human we will be, and determine, in large part, the things that will happen to us, next.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Actually, you didn't do that, either.</p><p></p><p>I was just posting about a family another of the PE parents posted about awhile back. The mother was an addict. A prostitute for drugs and a welfare recipient for housing, food, medical and so on. Each of her children had a different father. There were many children. Each of them grew up delivering the drugs the mother was selling because who would suspect a little kid, right?</p><p></p><p>Out of all those children...one grew up, declared he was better than that, and created a stable life for himself.</p><p></p><p>The others, and the mother, never changed.</p><p></p><p>What was the thing that made the bad boy raised in the bad family be okay?</p><p></p><p>The same thing that makes the good boy, raised in the good family, go bad.</p><p></p><p>Is it genetics? Just the right (or wrong) role model? Laziness? Drugs? </p><p></p><p>I don't know.</p><p></p><p>But I do know we are in a hard place when our child is the one in trouble. We can't let go and we can't change anything they do and it's breaking our hearts and our spirits. Detaching is about learning to detach from, is about learning to put away from our hearts, the guilt and the overwhelming emotional devastation of watching our children self destruct.</p><p></p><p>It is about reclaiming our own self esteem, which takes such a battering when one of our children is going a wrong way. As you are here with us longer, sweetmama, you will come to know moms with both easy child and difficult child children. </p><p></p><p>They don't know what happened to the child who went the wrong way, either.</p><p></p><p>Try to separate your heart, your identity as a mother and as a woman, from the choices your son makes.</p><p></p><p>He has been raised.</p><p></p><p>He knows right from wrong.</p><p></p><p>Beyond that, there is nothing more you can do.</p><p></p><p>Cherish yourself, be good to yourself, honor yourself for your courage in fighting for your son. Love him with all your heart, bless both him and yourself, and let go.</p><p></p><p>You are a fine mother and a good woman, or you would not have found your way to this site.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 637424, member: 17461"] Actually, you didn't. If you had taught your child the set of values he currently lives by, you would not be upset about what he is doing and where he is taking his life. It has taken me forever to get that piece. They do know right from wrong. They do know the ways decent people behave. Each of us makes his or her choice about how to respond to the things, good and bad, that happen to all of us. Those choices define the kind of human we will be, and determine, in large part, the things that will happen to us, next. Actually, you didn't do that, either. I was just posting about a family another of the PE parents posted about awhile back. The mother was an addict. A prostitute for drugs and a welfare recipient for housing, food, medical and so on. Each of her children had a different father. There were many children. Each of them grew up delivering the drugs the mother was selling because who would suspect a little kid, right? Out of all those children...one grew up, declared he was better than that, and created a stable life for himself. The others, and the mother, never changed. What was the thing that made the bad boy raised in the bad family be okay? The same thing that makes the good boy, raised in the good family, go bad. Is it genetics? Just the right (or wrong) role model? Laziness? Drugs? I don't know. But I do know we are in a hard place when our child is the one in trouble. We can't let go and we can't change anything they do and it's breaking our hearts and our spirits. Detaching is about learning to detach from, is about learning to put away from our hearts, the guilt and the overwhelming emotional devastation of watching our children self destruct. It is about reclaiming our own self esteem, which takes such a battering when one of our children is going a wrong way. As you are here with us longer, sweetmama, you will come to know moms with both easy child and difficult child children. They don't know what happened to the child who went the wrong way, either. Try to separate your heart, your identity as a mother and as a woman, from the choices your son makes. He has been raised. He knows right from wrong. Beyond that, there is nothing more you can do. Cherish yourself, be good to yourself, honor yourself for your courage in fighting for your son. Love him with all your heart, bless both him and yourself, and let go. You are a fine mother and a good woman, or you would not have found your way to this site. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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