Today is, would have been....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Sep 3, 2009.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Not sure of the correct phrasing but let's just say that today would have been my 21st wedding anniversary with husband.

    I have such pleasant memories of our 20th; husband planned a long weekend to a cabin in northern WI - right on a lake. husband, kt & I had so much fun together & doing our various hobbies & such apart. husband bought me the most beautiful anniversary ring.

    I expect today to be a bittersweet day - I see my therapist this morning & then I'll head out into my yard to plant 3 spirea & 2 cone flowers I bought yesterday. I'm going to plant them near my bird feeders under the south windows in my kitchen.

    I'm a lot calmer this early morning than I have been all week long. As I said earlier today will be bittersweet but I don't feel like I'm going to fall apart as I have at other times.

    Thanks for listening.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    ((HUGS)) You have dealt with all this so well, in spite of all the pain. I'm so glad you have happy memories to help you thru. It sounds like you will have a beautiful day - just keep looking at that ring and remeber that some part of him will always be in your heart.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    it's totally understanding to be met with memories of what was and what could have been on such a day as today.

    It's good you have the therapist scheduled. I think puttering outside, your sanctuary, is a wonderful rx for the day!

  4. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I too totally understand. Anniversary dates can be difficult.

    Soooo good that you have an apt. with your t-doctor and other plans for the day.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It is nice when the memories can make you smile. I remember that trip and how nice it was for all of you.

    This is a 'first' for you. The first wedding anniversary since husband died. All the firsts are the hardest. I am glad you can call it bittersweet. I hope the day stays that way for you.

  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Linda, sending gentle hugs and strength on this bittersweet anniversary day.
  7. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Linda...enjoy the day and memories. Put on a CD of your favorite band, crank it and plant away!!

    Call a friend and ask to go to lunch or dinner. It might be a nice diversion.

    Hugs to you.

  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{Linda}} Sounds like you have a beautiful day planned. Enjoy the memories. Hugs~
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm glad to hear you are able to enjoy the memories that today brings, and that your emotions are not tormenting you. I hope the therapist appointment. goes well. Enjoy your gardening today -- and when do we get pictures?

  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Here hoping for a peaceful day of memories for you...hugs
  11. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I too think you are handling this well and I'm glad you have plans for the day. From things you've said over the years, it sounds like you have a wealth of wonderful memories to look back over. I like Abbey's idea...crank your music and go to town with your gardening. There may be a tear or two but I'm sure you will have plenty of smiles to go with them

  12. Blondie

    Blondie New Member

    Linda dear, you are handling this so much better than I have managed to do

    A couple of days after husband's passing & his wake & funeral, was Father's Day. Blondie the Sternly Controlled Clenched jaw Ice Queen fell apart (alone). July 21 was our 30th anniversary. More dissolving whilst hibernating, and trying to hold it together when the Miakid brought me flowers with-a ballon saying "Celebrate" what The hades? Poor kid meant well, she really did
    The August 19th was my b-day, also my late father's b-day so always has been rather a bitter day tears-wise since he passed away
    Perhaps the worst = that husband & I had discussed at length (his initative tbh, not so much mine) our "Plans" for each of these landmarks. Mother;s Day was included in there as well, bc he was hospitalized during it, and too weak just before hand to go anywhere to shop for the jewelry he had planned to get for Mother's Day (I even know what it was; he told me whilst hospitalized) and the gift (a ruby&diamond ring) he'd picked out for anniversary
    THen there are the vacation plans he/we determinedly made in the last 3-4 wks of his life
    it's all driving me nutz. Round the bend completely to tell the truth. But that's privately, mind. Obviously it's affecting the way I cope with the Outside World (recluse) but anyway
    You are honouring your husband, as we all should and do when they are taken from us in such a shockingly unfair manner. You are a strong strong woman my friend; you have my greatest admiration. And I've completely Occupational Therapist (OT) threadjacked your thread; my apologies with all my heart. Sometimes it helps to know that someone else whom I value & respect has, and is, dealing with many of the same "firsts" and attendant memories & all that goes with them

    You have my deepest regard and sympathies, Linda.

    Much love & tears
  13. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Sometimes the anticipation of the pain/sadness to come can be worse than the actual thing when the day actually comes. Hope there are good memories that come to you all day long even as you mourn your loss.

    Hugs through this difficult period. You will get so much enjoyment out of your flowers, what a good thing to be absorbed in.
  14. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Sending many hugs and good thoughts.
  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    My thoughts go out to you today. I'm glad you can find comfort in nature, I believe it is a great healer. It's good to hold onto those good memories.

  16. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending many hugs and good thoughts for a pleasant day.
  17. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Thank you ladies ~ you have no idea what a support & comfort all of my friends/family here have been to me over the last 8 months. I feel privileged to be a member of such a caring group of parents.

    I spent many moments today in tears; times I was crying & laughing at the same time. Happy memories combined with sadness that those happy times with husband will not happen again.

    It took me 5 hours but I got my 6 plants in the ground. I'm spreading mulch tomorrow. I had birds protesting that I was working in their feeding area - I felt like I was going to be dive bombed at any second. ;)

    It was quite the picture - me leaning against the house with my walker in front of the holes I was digging - I'm sure my neighbors (if any saw) thought I was crazy.

    I was in a place of calm. I keep finding reasons to go back to the nursery (picked up 5 bags of mulch today) & want to go back this weekend for a few more cone flowers & a flowering crab tree to plant in my front yard. I really should concentrate on all the creeping charlie in my lawn instead & hold off on that til next fall.

    I seem to be rambling. It was such a beautiful day to be working outside. Ignored all phone calls & played all sorts of jazz as I was working.

    Again thank you.
  18. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just adding in my hugs. It sounds like you handled the day well. Continued prayers.
  19. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you have the wonderful memories to think back on with your 20th. That's a beautiful gift.

    I'm glad your day was peaceful and you could reflect on the good things in your life.

  20. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you.......and sending many, many positive thoughts. I am so glad that you found a place of Zen today. I know it was much needed.