today it is 2 years

[DammitJanet]

since the day my dad died. This could also be one of the reasons my emotions have been so close to the surface lately. My mom also died on 11/29/2005. My first marriage happened on 11/26/1980 and my ex's birthday was 11/30. That's a whole lot of things to have happened in a very short time and while I dont exactly celebrate the dates, they do hit me. I know I shouldnt even be aware of my first marriage or his birthday but it does leave a lasting impression. It would have been 32 years. Not that I would want it in a million years but it is a reminder every year around Thanksgiving. Also oddly, that is his parent anniversary and he married his second wife on the very same day! Talk about creepy...lol.

 

[HaoZi]

Could very well have something to do with it. *hugs* dearie.

 

[buddy]

Actually, if all that is hitting you I'd think it odd not to feel very emotionally off. Just wouldn't be human. Many would stuff it and you chose to talk here some. Janet, I think you should really give yourself credit for growth. Are you perfect? Lord, I hope not. But you live a stressful life to start with. It won't be easy but keep on talking and venting. It seems to my novice mind, like healthier coping skills.
You are quite a survivor. Hang tough, ok? Hugs!

 

[DammitJanet]

I talk here because I have no where else to talk. There is a total lack of therapists that take medicare in my area. Some take medicaid but because of a glitch in the system because I have both, medicare is considered my primary and I cant see them with medicaid. Its a strange situation that even medicare doesnt understand.

Tony has never truly believed in therapy and pretty much thinks I was throwing him under the bus when I went to therapy because I talked about our relationship. Uhhh, isnt that what you do there? LOL. I do desperately miss my weekly therapy sessions because I could talk things out and work on my coping skills for handling everything that goes on in my life. I have backslid horribly since I stopped going. In reality, I lost my therapist the same month my dad died. It was absolutely the worst timing in the world. I came back from the funeral and she sat me down and had to tell me that the agency couldnt let her carry me any longer. They had been nice enough to let her see me for free for a couple of years while they tried to fight medicare to get paid. They just couldnt justify indigent care funds on a person with medicare and medicaid any longer though. We were both in tears. We still talk about every other month or so but its not the same thing. A quick phone call just to make sure we are both alive and kicking.

 

[Hound dog]

((hugs))

 

[Marguerite]

I reckon your ex got married on the same day as the first wedding, so he wouldn't have to learn to remember a second anniversary.

Marg

 

[KTMom91]

Hugs, Janet.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Lots of HUGS Janet. Those are a lot of date memories to cope with. Yup, I think that would make me feel a tad emotional too.

I don't know if this will work in your neck of the woods, but I found here in CA. and in CT. where I used to live, that some therapists offered a sliding scale when asked. They don't advertise this usually, but when asked they offer. I would call around, express your commitment to therapy but your present finances won't allow the extra expense. Sometimes therapists will consider a trade as well. I've done this countless times over the years and almost always found someone who would offer their services for a reduced fee or barter.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Just so you know you are in my thoughts - hugs.

Sharon

 

[cubsgirl]

((Janet))

 

[Fran]

Anniversaries do pile up and do a number on our emotions don't they? Hang in there Janet.

 

[Star*]

((((((((huge hugs hon))))))))

I love you!

 

[Jody]

Hugs coming your way Janet. Hang in there!!!!!

 

[trinityroyal]

Janet, that pile-up of anniversaries is enough to send anyone into a spiral. You have every right to feel off-base.

 

[Marcie Mac]

When anniversaries come round, like my mother dying, and my father dying, I feel bad that I should feel bad, but I don't. Hugh expectations on me to live up to their "ideal" child that I was never able to mold myself into took its toll over the years.

Marcie

 

[DammitJanet]

I have found myself feeling worse about my mom more over the years since she has died than I did when she was alive as odd as that sounds. At odd times I will find myself saying out loud or thinking to myself...oh I wish mom was here to see one of the grands do whatever. I think she would have loved the girls. I mean I dont know that. Maybe not. I guess I sort of have this dream that she would have sewn them little handmaid dresses. Im probably just dreaming of Norman Rockwell.