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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 704396" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>COM, thank you for your thoughtful post. Your retreat sounds wonderful, what a beautiful gift to give to yourself.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This devastating path we all find ourselves on has, of course, been awful in pretty much every.....single.....way. However, the one thing I didn't expect as I maneuvered my way through, was that I would in any way GAIN anything. But I did.</p><p></p><p>Being forced to let go, to accept what I can't change, changed me immeasurably. It changed every part of my life. Allowing my daughter to live the life she chose was the hardest thing I have ever done, BUT, the act of letting her go and accepting her and her lifestyle liberated me from the many, many things I have no control over and can't change. Life is full of those things.....and for a long time I thought I had the power to control so much of life. And, now I recognize the bottom line truth, I don't have any control. I can control my responses. I can control the choices I make. That's it. But instead of ruining my life, it freed up my life.</p><p></p><p>Letting go forced me to address my own inauthentic behaviors.....the people pleasing, enabling, not saying what I really felt, editing myself, abandoning myself. The act of abandoning myself was so a part of my personality that I didn't even know I was doing it. It was not being "true and honest and fair" it was being inauthentic, dishonest to myself and certainly not fair to me. In telling myself the truth and ultimately telling the truth to co-workers, friends and family about what I really felt and what I really wanted was so challenging and yet so incredibly liberating. And, no one died. No one perished from my truth telling. In fact, although I did lose some people along the way who were not supportive of the "authentic" me, I gained intimacy, love, self respect, a new and much better way of looking at responsibility, a very new sense of inner peace, an ability to be more real and more connected, to be more lighthearted and to have more fun.........</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I thought I had to always give.......I didn't know I could set boundaries, I didn't know I could say no and still be loving, I didn't know I would be loved if I said no and set boundaries. I learned how to do all of that because of my daughter. I learned how to be 'real' and how to love freely and how to be loved simply being me without having to do anything. I am continually in awe of all of it. The hardest thing I have ever done brought me........love.......and a new and improved relationship with myself and my daughter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 704396, member: 13542"] COM, thank you for your thoughtful post. Your retreat sounds wonderful, what a beautiful gift to give to yourself. This devastating path we all find ourselves on has, of course, been awful in pretty much every.....single.....way. However, the one thing I didn't expect as I maneuvered my way through, was that I would in any way GAIN anything. But I did. Being forced to let go, to accept what I can't change, changed me immeasurably. It changed every part of my life. Allowing my daughter to live the life she chose was the hardest thing I have ever done, BUT, the act of letting her go and accepting her and her lifestyle liberated me from the many, many things I have no control over and can't change. Life is full of those things.....and for a long time I thought I had the power to control so much of life. And, now I recognize the bottom line truth, I don't have any control. I can control my responses. I can control the choices I make. That's it. But instead of ruining my life, it freed up my life. Letting go forced me to address my own inauthentic behaviors.....the people pleasing, enabling, not saying what I really felt, editing myself, abandoning myself. The act of abandoning myself was so a part of my personality that I didn't even know I was doing it. It was not being "true and honest and fair" it was being inauthentic, dishonest to myself and certainly not fair to me. In telling myself the truth and ultimately telling the truth to co-workers, friends and family about what I really felt and what I really wanted was so challenging and yet so incredibly liberating. And, no one died. No one perished from my truth telling. In fact, although I did lose some people along the way who were not supportive of the "authentic" me, I gained intimacy, love, self respect, a new and much better way of looking at responsibility, a very new sense of inner peace, an ability to be more real and more connected, to be more lighthearted and to have more fun......... I thought I had to always give.......I didn't know I could set boundaries, I didn't know I could say no and still be loving, I didn't know I would be loved if I said no and set boundaries. I learned how to do all of that because of my daughter. I learned how to be 'real' and how to love freely and how to be loved simply being me without having to do anything. I am continually in awe of all of it. The hardest thing I have ever done brought me........love.......and a new and improved relationship with myself and my daughter. [/QUOTE]
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