Today's so-called "team" meeting

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Jun 2, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    was basicly a waste of time. The CW had a stack of kids to get thru the next 2 days and no other parent was coming to one of these meetings- now I know why. The people in the meeting were me, difficult child, the CW, a guard from difficult child's unit who was just there to escort difficult child, and a teacher from their school- but not one of difficult child's teachers.

    They showed us his grades, which are all A's & B's except for the 48 in PE. They lectured difficult child some on that and difficult child is supposed to talk to the PE teacher about it. Then the CW read the behavior program difficult child has to do (anger management) and said it hadn't really started yet. And that was all of their part. It was my turn to ask my questions.

    Can/will they do family therapy? They can't answer- it is up to difficult child's therapist and she hasn't started working with difficult child yet and is not there today.

    How can difficult child get his much needed allergy spray and acne medications? That's up to difficult child and the nurse.

    Can the psychiatrist re-evaluate the need for MS's?- (If behavior mod works, maybe difficult child isn't BiPolar (BP) after all and I'd rather trial a decrease or removal of medications while he's in there.) They can't answer that question- it's up to the psychiatrist and none of them ever talk to the psychiatrist. difficult child said he saw him yesterday and the psychiatrist suggested this. (Yipee!!) I forgot to ask difficult child how he responded to that but I'll ask him the next time we talk.

    Since difficult child had taken accelerated math all thru middle school, leaving him in Algebra 1 this school year, but they don't have that program there, can he take Algebra 1 this summer? They don't know- the guidance counselor or principal needs to answer that question. The guidance counselor isn't there today.

    I doubt if I'll attend all of these monthly "team" meetings. I figure I can get caught up on his grades and behavior progress over the phone.

    I did get to speak with the principal on the way out. difficult child cannot take algebra over the summer. Even though he was attending some sort of school continuously and has made good grades, since he had been in psychiatric hospital, local detention, then processing before he came there, he must attend 8th grade classes until Aug. then he will be classified as a 9th grader starting in Sept. (That makes no sense- all kids coming in have gone thru processing and started out at their local detention.) difficult child is going to be disappoointed about this, but I am hoping that he learns not to take his educational opportunities for granted and never risks it again.

    The principal brought up a couple of stories about kids that I told him would be good for difficult child to hear. He made a note to talk to difficult child tomorrow, which I found more impressive than anything I'd heard from anyone else. The guard told me he and difficult child had a long talk yesterday and without going into detail, it sounded like difficult child had talked to him about some things he'd told me on Sun. That's good. The CW and guard told me his behavior had been real good and they were very pleased with his grades.

    The principal told me that the high schoolers grades were real good, but most of his middle schoolers were not. Well, they require high schoolers to do homework, but not middle-schoolers. Also, the kid can choose if he wants to do any therapy or take any medications at all. I don't quite get that- when he comes home, they hold me responsible for making him go to a therapist and a psychiatrist and take his medications. If he doesn't do it, he's non-compliant. If I don't/can't make him, I'm non-compliant.

    Anyhooooo..... Geez, it is hot here today!
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You (and difficult child) are getting schooled. difficult child is learning to go with the flow and I think you'll have to learn to go with the flow also....even if "the flow" does not make sense. There are few rocket scientists working juvie detention. Even in private programs there are usually only one or two who stand out from the crowd. I know you have hoped and prayed that they would be able to guide/lead/etc. your child. Bottom line.....he is your kid and his future is in "his" hands and in "your" hands. Simple. Sad. True. On the bright side, it sounds to me like he is smarter than the average bear and I believe the two of you can get it together so long as you don't try to learn on "the sytem". DDD
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks, DDD! Can I get a job teaching these people how to use tax-payers money more efficiently and effectively and hold them accountable? It appears to me that they only hire people for that job who prove that they will just go along with this joke of a system that is already in place. It kills me that if/when the parent doesn't act like all this is a god-send, the parent is the one to get accused of being the problem.

    And I KNOW that the higher ups know how ineffective and inefficient this is. I have searched so much online and found study after study- some with our local Department of Juvenile Justice people on the panel- that has been done and turned into the governor. So WHY don't they do anything about it?

    One of the local politicians was on the news today saying "we need to get the mentally ill out of the jails". Well, where do they want to put them when they decided to close the state psychiatric hospital's and all local agencies say to turn people into dept of corrections so no cost for mental health treatment comes from their funding? And the audacity to blame the family when it becomes clearer and clearer all the time that it is poliotical- agency pointing finger at other agency. Them not communicating or working together.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member and I and others like us can not get that job. The thing is that we have to stop believing like we did as children that "the nice policeman, teacher, authority figure" will help us thru the problem. NOT! The ball is in YOUR court (as in tennis) and nobody is going to save you or your kid.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Then how can the judge be so dis-connected? Or is she just BS'ing? She used to be on the panel that studied all this for the governor. She ordered mental heallth treatment to be included in difficult child's plan at Department of Juvenile Justice- then doesn't she know that the therapist will take months to start and the therapist, CW and psychiatrist will never communicate? She said herself that she didn't like the idea of Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because they let kids out when the money runs out- Department of Juvenile Justice would keep him longer and do the same thing. Can she really be that naive if the freaking case manager at Department of Juvenile Justice doesn't even communicate with anybody?

    If they want it to be "this is the kids punishment- don't expect anything else" then they should all be saying the same message and not be putting it out there under the pretense that they are going to do anything else. They do this on everything from their website to the darn letter that was ssent to me about this meeting. It said "this is difficult child's comprehensive service plan that will involve all aspects of his treatment and plan while he is in Department of Juvenile Justice and his return home after release." So, I'm naive for expecting it to be more than, "these are his grades, he'll be attending anger management, no one else is here to answer your questions and I can't answer them and I have no control over what that other person decides to do because we never talk". And I'm supposed to play along with this and not blow it off- because if I blew it off, it would all be my fault for not caring, participating, and complying. And I'm naive for thinking this is a joke?

    To bring this down to scale and use an example- I told them I thought difficult child could stand to be mmore assertive and deal with things instead of holding them in until he exploded and I asked if their anger management program addressed things like that. The CW and guard said yes and they elaborated saying it taught coping skills but it also taught the kids that they do need to involve authority figures. Now, if he really isn't supposed to involve authority figures but he's supposed to deal with everything on his own or be criticized, why are they putting that out in their own program that is designed to teach kids how to handle things? Should I just tell difficult child to ignore what they say and bite his tongue and play along?

    difficult child gets embarressed so easily- his face was so red when I was asking those questions, especially about acne medications. I was hoping he would call tonight but I doubt he'll be able to since we had the meeting today. I know I get so frustrated and angry over all this. It's just that when a person says they are a case manager, I expect the person to be able to stay informed, communicate, and coordinate with the other disciplines. Obviously, this is too much to expect. If difficult child had a real CM, I wouldn't have to discuss acne medications in front of him and four other people.

    It seemed that half the people (at least) that should be involved in difficult child's "team" weren't there today. And the principal told me that his only teacher in one required subject quit. I know they have funding issues, but where are these people? And there is still money going somewhere.....
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2009
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    in my humble opinion you have no choice other than to lower your expectations.

    I'm not sure how many jobs you have had in your lifetime but think back to your co-workers and bosses at those places of employment. The vast majority did what was needed, said what was expected and looked forward to the next day off. It's human nature. There are few who truly put all their focus into maximizing their work output.

    I remember in college learning about the inventor who created tires that would never have to be replaced. Evidently the Dude was a genius and was rightfully proud of how his invention would help mankind and earth.His product was never marketed because it would have put the good ole tire boys out of business. Then, their was the story of the hypothetical person who was so eager to get a job in a factory and promised his interviewer he would give 100% every day. He got the job. He gave 100% every day and his production of gidgets surpassed all the other workers. He lost his job because the other workers resented his work and how it reflected on them. Management opted to keep the workforce they had rather than try to "up" the pace.

    These government workers may very well have brilliant educated ideas on how the system can be run for the improvement of the kids BUT they are among others who do the job as it has been done. Deviance in either direction of work production is a problem. Sad. DDD
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2009
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi Klmno,

    Sorry the meeting did not include more of those who could answer your frustrating. Am glad to hear that difficult child is making good grades and that his behavior is in check.

    Ya I don't understand why a difficult child would get to "choose" rather they want therapy or not or their medications...that doesn't make any sense to me either.

    Anyway, just wanted you to know I'm following your threads and am out here caring about what happens with your difficult child and You.

  8. maril

    maril New Member

    Oh, so true.
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Yeah, that is true. I realize that the people running businessees have insight and knowledge that people who are "lower on the totem pole" don't have, but there are a couple of simple things where I had worked once that were always done but it created more work to do it that way, was confusing to others, and not logical at all. I tactfully brought this up a couple of times and was told "well, that's the way we are used to doing it so we don't want to change it".

    Is it this bad in the system everywhere or is it worse in this state?
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Things are especially bad in government work. You (as a government worker or a citizen especially) cannot make changes to a government employer. Trust me, I tried! Notice I do not work for the government agency I worked for

    These places have manuals and ways of doing things that have been in place for decades. People move through their systems like boxes on conveyor belts. The best thing that can happen is that you dont get stuck or knocked of so that they have to notice you and take special care with your package. If your little box can just keep on its way without any special attention its all for the best.