Shari
IsItFridayYet?
Also Talked to cgfg's mom tonight. She threw out the same plan cgfg had said. Straight up 50/50. She gets off the bus here on Fridays and goes to school from here on Mondays every week. Every other week, she comes on Thursday instead of Friday. Occasional accommodations made if mom needs a weekend or we need a weeknight, etc.
Its good, in that its what cgfg wants, and it allows her to be involved in almost all of the things she wants to be in without making a stink about scheduling with mom. Its bad because its not a lot of help with school. BUT, I really think having her for half of every week, even though its not largely on school nights, that we could till make some fair progress. As much as any other plan, really, so long as mom remains in the picture (which she will). If there's missing work for the week on Fri, I can pick it up and she can do it on Fri night...before it gets to be a week or more old. I also think it would be easier to hold her accountable. The big boys didn't rodeo unless their work was done; We'd have a little more ability to do and enforce something like that with cgfg this way...I think, anyway.
With regard to school, she currently has managed enough extra credit to get grades up to 70%. Three core classes are right at 70%, but that is a C. husband's message was that as long as she was passing and not skipping work, he was fine, but he wants to be able to do something when we see a problem that's not being addressed. She needs to stay after right then to get help, or have access to come here or wherever she needs to go to address the problem RIGHT THEN. Her mom said part of that problem was that cgfg tells us one thing and her another. I said I agree, but the only way to stop that is to communicate. She agreed, but again, her hubby doesn't want her to talk to us (which she said really pisses her off because he talks to his ex all the time - they are all FB friends...). She said she realizes that is a problem, but she has to keep the peace in her house, too (to which cgfg said "and its not working too well, is it?). I said ok, then how can we deal with this? Is there a form of communication that is better than another? Is it better if I text her, or call, or send an email? What could be done to work it out? She said she could check her email at work, but she doesn't really want to go behind his back, so maybe he's just going to have to deal with it (which won't happen.) She said text is probably best.
She wants to go ahead and start it. I told her I couldn't say yay or nay, but we had not discussed anything that husband and I hadn't already talked about, so I didn't foresee a problem, but I would let her know. Tentatively, though, this starts next Friday.
I told her that husband wanted the agreement made formally through the court, that it would be on our dime to draft it and she would have a chance to review it before it was ordered on (she has no clue how the process works). If she had any issues with the draft it, we could sit down again, but that she would be given a chance to approve whatever was written up as the new plan, and it would not be something that he would be rushing to file tomorrow.
I did not broach the child support topic. The modifcation paperwork says modify support "as the court deems appropriate". husband has submitted his financials; she never filed financials the first time around. As long as the attorney doesn't see a need to change the wording, we'll leave it worded as such and pay what they come up with. In MO, from what research I've done, there is often still support paid to one parent who is, in turn, supposed to pay for "routine". Insurance, physicals, shots, school lunch, fees. I can put her on my health insurance her for no additional charge, so I think we will also suggest to lawyer that we would be willing to take that role and just cut support out entirely. We'll buy her shells for trap, pay those fees, handle routine medical, etc. I know that's not fair but she's gonna stick us with as much as she can, anyway, so why not just assume it willingly and stop giving her any money? But I don't know...will talk to the lawyer on that. With the job market like it is, and Wee, I'd rather not be ordered to provide her insurance. More thinking required.
So now, I am going to type up what we talked about and have husband read it, and then email it to her so that it is certain they were both given the same information. If she agrees to that, I will send it to the lawyer and have him draft it. Its a bit unorthodox, but I'll take that drafted parenting plan back to her. We'll need lawyer's help figuring out a good "backup" for the school thing. Maybe saying dad has the right to pursue additional assistance with her schoolwork if her grades in any core class fall below a C? Or maybe a public site for communication like Step used. I dunno...something. (and just because its written doesn't mean it will happen)
And something about making allowances for cgfg's activities, but honestly...I don't see that being a problem anymore. Having her every weekend fixes that problem (mom didn't want her to spend extra time here, so she wouldn't give "extra" weekends when we wanted to include cgfg in something that didn't fall on our weekend; however, when she had to swap weekends, that left mom stuck with the step kids one weekend, cgfg the next, and then all kids the following weekend, and she doesn't like that - she doesn't like to give up her 2 weekends a month without kids...(that is not speculation - that is what she has told me)). So I really don't see that being as big an issue going forward; she'll be getting her kid-free weekends all the time.
husband got the overview, but he was really tired, so we'll talk more tomorrow. I like that she's willing to go ahead and start it. That gives us a chance to establish a bit of a pattern before money gets involved in the equation, and since she's broke, I fully expect that to be where the breakdown begins...
We'll see what happens. Far cry from over.
Its good, in that its what cgfg wants, and it allows her to be involved in almost all of the things she wants to be in without making a stink about scheduling with mom. Its bad because its not a lot of help with school. BUT, I really think having her for half of every week, even though its not largely on school nights, that we could till make some fair progress. As much as any other plan, really, so long as mom remains in the picture (which she will). If there's missing work for the week on Fri, I can pick it up and she can do it on Fri night...before it gets to be a week or more old. I also think it would be easier to hold her accountable. The big boys didn't rodeo unless their work was done; We'd have a little more ability to do and enforce something like that with cgfg this way...I think, anyway.
With regard to school, she currently has managed enough extra credit to get grades up to 70%. Three core classes are right at 70%, but that is a C. husband's message was that as long as she was passing and not skipping work, he was fine, but he wants to be able to do something when we see a problem that's not being addressed. She needs to stay after right then to get help, or have access to come here or wherever she needs to go to address the problem RIGHT THEN. Her mom said part of that problem was that cgfg tells us one thing and her another. I said I agree, but the only way to stop that is to communicate. She agreed, but again, her hubby doesn't want her to talk to us (which she said really pisses her off because he talks to his ex all the time - they are all FB friends...). She said she realizes that is a problem, but she has to keep the peace in her house, too (to which cgfg said "and its not working too well, is it?). I said ok, then how can we deal with this? Is there a form of communication that is better than another? Is it better if I text her, or call, or send an email? What could be done to work it out? She said she could check her email at work, but she doesn't really want to go behind his back, so maybe he's just going to have to deal with it (which won't happen.) She said text is probably best.
She wants to go ahead and start it. I told her I couldn't say yay or nay, but we had not discussed anything that husband and I hadn't already talked about, so I didn't foresee a problem, but I would let her know. Tentatively, though, this starts next Friday.
I told her that husband wanted the agreement made formally through the court, that it would be on our dime to draft it and she would have a chance to review it before it was ordered on (she has no clue how the process works). If she had any issues with the draft it, we could sit down again, but that she would be given a chance to approve whatever was written up as the new plan, and it would not be something that he would be rushing to file tomorrow.
I did not broach the child support topic. The modifcation paperwork says modify support "as the court deems appropriate". husband has submitted his financials; she never filed financials the first time around. As long as the attorney doesn't see a need to change the wording, we'll leave it worded as such and pay what they come up with. In MO, from what research I've done, there is often still support paid to one parent who is, in turn, supposed to pay for "routine". Insurance, physicals, shots, school lunch, fees. I can put her on my health insurance her for no additional charge, so I think we will also suggest to lawyer that we would be willing to take that role and just cut support out entirely. We'll buy her shells for trap, pay those fees, handle routine medical, etc. I know that's not fair but she's gonna stick us with as much as she can, anyway, so why not just assume it willingly and stop giving her any money? But I don't know...will talk to the lawyer on that. With the job market like it is, and Wee, I'd rather not be ordered to provide her insurance. More thinking required.
So now, I am going to type up what we talked about and have husband read it, and then email it to her so that it is certain they were both given the same information. If she agrees to that, I will send it to the lawyer and have him draft it. Its a bit unorthodox, but I'll take that drafted parenting plan back to her. We'll need lawyer's help figuring out a good "backup" for the school thing. Maybe saying dad has the right to pursue additional assistance with her schoolwork if her grades in any core class fall below a C? Or maybe a public site for communication like Step used. I dunno...something. (and just because its written doesn't mean it will happen)
And something about making allowances for cgfg's activities, but honestly...I don't see that being a problem anymore. Having her every weekend fixes that problem (mom didn't want her to spend extra time here, so she wouldn't give "extra" weekends when we wanted to include cgfg in something that didn't fall on our weekend; however, when she had to swap weekends, that left mom stuck with the step kids one weekend, cgfg the next, and then all kids the following weekend, and she doesn't like that - she doesn't like to give up her 2 weekends a month without kids...(that is not speculation - that is what she has told me)). So I really don't see that being as big an issue going forward; she'll be getting her kid-free weekends all the time.
husband got the overview, but he was really tired, so we'll talk more tomorrow. I like that she's willing to go ahead and start it. That gives us a chance to establish a bit of a pattern before money gets involved in the equation, and since she's broke, I fully expect that to be where the breakdown begins...
We'll see what happens. Far cry from over.
