Toilet Training Issue

[InsaneCdn]

Figure that one out? Maybe.

Most fellows like their dirt localized.
My difficult child always hated a dirty bottom... but his face and hands could be unrecognizable, and HE doesn't notice. EVEN NOW... (actually, it's worse now... it's not "dirt" anymore, but grease!)

Maybe if Brandon could get used to a dirty bottom, he could tolerate a bit more "normal" dirt?

 

[Malika]

I wonder if it's the (understandable) pressure to be toilet trained that is making him dig his heels in, as it were, and refuse to co-operate? There is a theory - and I feel it is true - that left to themselves, without training, human beings will naturally be "clean" in the way they defecate, going into a private place and then covering it up. I did try to get J to use the potty from when he was nearing two without much success and then one day, when he was two and a half, he just decided by himself to start using the loo and that was it, he was toilet trained from then on (it is just the night bed wetting I now have a problem with ). This is also how he started dressing himself - just went one morning into his room and came out fully and correctly dressed! So I do tend a little to the idea that things will happen when the child is developmentally ready for it. If being naked is problematic then perhaps this idea of covering him with a tee-shirt that is bare underneath is really the best idea?

 

[keista]

Yup. I know Donna. Worked for every other boy I know, except Brandon. No effect on him either.

Oh, I forgot to mention the killer to this; Brandon hates to be dirty. If he has just a little something like food or whatever on his hands ect he has a fit until it's cleaned off. Now figure that one out. LOL

Refuse to clean his hands until he uses the potty?

 

[susiestar]

I waited to speak on this because y'all will think I am nuts. I did not potty train ANYONE. EVER. I REFUSED.

I provided diapers, and when the kid asked, underwear. I think we used 1/2 pack of pullups because they were evil to change. A poopy pullup slid down legs? Grossest thing I ever dealt with - and I got that delight the first time in a restaurant bathroom that was nastier than the pullup. I tried to rip the sides apart like I was told they would work and my hands were not strong enough. I have always had arthritis in my hands and that was NOT doable. So we didn't use them anymore.

WIz was about 3. He wanted to go to 'school' and I told him he could go to 'school' when he wasn't wearing diapers or going potty in his underwear. Took him a week once he wanted to do it. Of course we had to be ready to take him to a bathroom when he said he needed one, but that is par for the course with any kid, in my opinion.

Jess? Saw kids at daycare using the potty and took her diaper off to go use the potty with them. Finally at 26 mos the teacher at daycare (same as school, Wiz just liked to call it school) told me that J really wasn't using diapers at all at school. So I gave the rest of our diapers to the daycare for emergencies for other kids and got her undies. She didn't want to pee or poo on Barney - solved the whole thing.

thank you? My thank-HEAVENS-now-ex sister in law decided that he was GOING to use the potty from then on during the one and ONLY time she ever was left alone with him. It was the day we took Wiz to the psychiatric hospital and both my folks had to be at work, as did the sitter. Jess, age 7, changed his diaper after having to SNEAK the clean diaper and wipes away from exsil. TOTALLY not the day to spring that on thank you. And he wasn't ready. If she had left him alone, he probably would have been using a potty in less than a month. But instead it took until Wiz was HOME from the psychiatric hospital because he linked Wiz going away with using the potty. I was so ready to kill that witch by the time I learned what she had done (it was NOT the only thing she did that really upset the kids that day - and everything she did was something we had specifically asked her to NOT do, grrr.)

My kids NEVER got out of diapers until they were BEGGING to be out of them. It worked. NONE of them took more than a week, and I did not have to chase them and be the one trained to monitor their toileting habits. Personally, I can think of few things less interesting to me than constantly watching to see if my child is getting ready to go to the potty. Just never seemed like something I wanted to invest in.

There was a point where Wiz was not going to go to the potty because the tv was on and he didn't want to leave it. So we turned the tv off for two weeks completely. I don't like when the kids won't do things because the tv is on, never did. Tv shouldn't be that important. But that was after we knew he could stay clean and dry all day.

There are very very few kids who end up in first grade or even kdg in diapers unless they have real problems. There may be something going on with Brandon on the autistic spectrum if he really doesn't 'get' toilet training. I would see if something is distracting him or he doesn't want to leave something to go sit on the potty. Each of my kids did have books that they only read on the potty and they each did get treats for using the potty. Wiz could not stand to pee because he had a birth defect that he had botched surgery for. We had to wait until he was 5 to have it redone, and that did delay potty training for him (he woke up as they started the surgery on that area because the anesthesiologist ignored the eleven times he was told they were doing two procedures - including DURING the surgery itself - and didn't keep Wiz under as they were starting the second procedure. This did delay things at least a year, in my opinion understandably. We learned that Wiz woke up from Wiz - who TOLD US about it.)

Anyway, other than a reward for producing and some cheerios or targets drawn on pieces of toilet paper, I would not worry overmuch. If you are really invested in this, then watch and chase. Otherwise, he will pick it up soon unless their are possibly some autistic things going on. Daddy being inconsistent wasn't a problem once Wiz found underwear patterns he watned and then I tossed the diapers. in my opinion having to WORK for those undies was the big deal for Wiz. We went and looked at them in the store and I refused to buy them until he was not using his diaper for a week. Then we had a dinner out (mcdonalds was what he wanted, of course, lol) and he got his special new undies to keep clean.

 

[AnnieO]

We had some problems in this arena with Jett. He was still wetting the bed on a semi-regular basis in 3rd and 4th grade, and having accidents at school. We got blamed for it, of course. Until the day he came home in tears because the teacher wouldn't LET him go to the bathroom... And he wet. Well gee.

Jett always "didn't notice" he had to pee or poop until it was imminent and if we didn't find a bathroom within about 1 minute, it was all over. There were many times he would be glued to the TV and not notice - just let go. Or I'd find "presents" in his undies.

Part of it came down to his sensory issues, and just not noticing. Part was he had trained himself to hide with a screen (video game or TV) to stay out of the way and avoid conflict. Part was at bio's he had a TV and DVD player in his bedroom - and would get sent there after dinner, for the rest of the night. He ate a LOT of cheese and chicken nuggets - and was constipated - so it hurt to poop on purpose, which led to encopresis. (It's taken me years to piece all of this together.)

He was still in diapers when I met husband - Jett was a few months past 5. husband put him in pull ups and tried - but he'd come back from bio's in diapers again - and visits were so sporadic, there was no consistency. We bought him "cool" undies, and things got better. And then the kids came to live with us (Jett was not-quite 9), and things got a LOT better. Then MUCH worse - we discovered he would crash at night so hard he did not wake, and many times he peed on the floor in his room or the bathroom, while sleepwalking, if he didn't wet the bed. When we found out that bio had taken Concerta to school and was having them give it to him unknown to husband... Things began to make sense... We weaned him off... And the sleepwalking/peeing stopped almost entirely. The only time it was a problem was when Jett was at bio's for more than a weekend - the week after he returned was ugly.

Now all of that having been said - something from my own past. I was completely potty trained, and dry at night, at 30 months. My parents separated shortly after I turned 3 and were apart for about 6 months - and though they did their best to not involve me in the conflict, my potty training went poof. I wasn't completely dry again (especially at night) till I was about 8. (Now, my parents have been married for 44 years, so clearly it wasn't TOO bad.) I wonder if Brandon's missing his Papa? Upheaval can do a number on little ones - and between easy child's leg, Oliver's birth, husband passing... Everything was nutsy for you ALL for a while, so...

Oh. And

 

[Pink Elephant]

easy child put off potty training with Brandon until just recently. I warned her it wasn't such a smart idea. But Brandon has a real issue with loose bowels and diarrhea and she kept hoping it would resolve itself to make training easier. Only it hasn't. Now the bowel issues aren't daily, but often enough to be a real problem.

The issue is with Brandon himself. He has no desire whatsoever to go potty on the toilet. Having dirty pants doesn't phase him, even when it's diarrhea even if he's got a really bad diaper rash. He will fight you to change him, he'll also fight you about pottying.

I've gotten him to stop the fighting with changing him deal, that's a no go with Nana, I simply will not put up with it. If I have to change disgusting older child poo (and yes there is a huge difference) by darn you're going to hold still and make it easier. I dunno if he still gives easy child or sister in law issues or not. He will still be totally uncooperative going potty. I just take him anyway......and he's learned Nana will not put up with yelling, hitting or kicking. (which he has done both with diaper change and potty) I don't know if he tries that with his parents or not. They haven't said. But I do know that he doesn't want to go for them. Once you get him there if he has to empty his bladder or have a bowel movement he will usually go just fine. It's the getting him there, him telling you he needs to go, and getting him to not like having a soiled diaper, pullup or cloth underwear on him.

I know that having 2 little ones so close together is hard, and expensive when it comes to diapers and wipes. I know that easy child and sister in law would hold off changing him until they just had no choice......same with Connor.......to try to stretch out diapers and wipes. I also know that sister in law, while he will at least change them, will put off changing a diaper forever if he can get away with it. So obviously, this is how Brandon became accustomed to having soiled pants.

Trust me, he can wear them forever, they just don't phase him.

easy child has tried rewards and lavish praise. Worked for a day. She tried to stay consistant. No effect. She brought Darrin on board (my suggestion) using the You Want to be a Big Boy like bro.....nope. Didn't work, even though he idolizes Darrin. She has tried out and out bribery. Nope. She's tried regular toddler underwear and rubber pants. (I knew this one was going to backfire because he just doesn't care) And it didn't phase him in the least.

So, what on earth do you do to inspire a child who simply does not care if they are soiled to go to the potty when none of the "normal" means work??? And yes, we've been at this for quite a while now, nearly a month.

I never had this problem. I started at 22 mos when biologically they have control over those muscles. I've never had it take longer than 2 wks until I had issues with an inconsistent parent. Travis still had "accidents" because he didn't have the nerve impulse to give him the urge to go develop until he was about 5, so he only knew he had to go when he dribbled a bit in his underwear, then it was a mad dash for the nearest toilet. Aubrey had issues pooping in the potty because it sort of scared her, and she has major issues with constipation.....she related pain from that to pooping in the potty. Finally Nichole left her bottom bare for like 3 days........and she was so scared to poop on the floor, she'd run to the potty and really try. It got her over the fear.

But I have no clue what to do with Brandon. I have a sneaky suspicion sister in law may not be consistent. This was an issue with Darrin, but I had him the vast majority of the time, easy child had him evenings and thankfully sister in law had him very little on his own. But sister in law has Brandon all day 3 days a week at least.........so if he's not being consistent it's going to be a problem.

Currently, we're trying to keep him spotless, hoping that at some point having messy pants will be uncomfortable. (this should have been done all along and he'd not had this issue) But I'm worrying it might be too late for that to work. If it doesn't I dunno what she's going to do. Connor is already showing interest in the potty.........and I do keep him spotless. easy child plans to start him at 22 mos hoping to avoid the issue she's having with Brandon. omg

Suggestions? This child has preschool come August and they're not going to accept him if he's not toilet trained. I have trained countless kids over the years.........and this one has me stumped.

I realize this is an older topic, however, thanks to stumbling upon it as a result of the forum showing it as a similar topic to the toilet lid thread I just started, it struck a note with me, so I'm replying.

I had two (REALLY) late trainers, however, not one of my kids enjoyed wet or dirty pants, thanks to cloth diapers and rubber pants. Those diapers would sag and droop something awful, and the rubber pants (I'm certain) were hot, so between both diapers and pants, my kids were always cooperative when it came to getting changed.

I remember how I used to threaten my kids with such things as... wake up wet in the morning, I'm going to pin your wet diapers up on the clothesline for all the neighbours to see. Another I used... wet or dirty your diapers, I'm going to pin you up on the clothesline by your big fat diapers, so all the neighbours can see what a big baby you are.

Who knows what effect it had on them, but one thing is for certain, in the morning when I'd go in to get them up from their cribs, they were always standing up inside, anxiously awaiting my arrival to change their pants. They could wait to get out of those uncomfortable, ammonia odour cloth diapers.

When I was able to finally get them out of daytime diapers, on went the thick padded training pants (soakers) with rubber pants over top. I practiced the strike 3 method.

Strike one... pants were changed and little was said.

Strike two... pants were changed, only with a stern approach and a reminder that diapers would be put back on.

Stroke three... soakers were stripped off of said kids bum, and replaced with a bulky double diaper and pair of rubber pants. My take on the matter was simple, you want to act like a baby, I'll treat you like one.

Eventually it clicks, but I know all too well how frustrating it can be when one is greeted with a slow start, or a child who's adamant on remaining in diapers.

 

[Pink Elephant]

We did cloth diapers - so, it never was an option to let them stew in a diaper... and both kids were mighty glad to get rid of diapers. We had the fitted ones... almost as easy as a disposable except for washing them. The kids went from that to "soaker" underwear (helps with dribbles, not with floods), and then to regular undies. But I can see where disposables don't help the training situation...

Opposite in our house. My kids spent many an occasion standing in the corner wearing wet diapers (cloth) when I knew they failed to make any sort of effort to let me know they had to go, or had chosen to defiantly wet or soil their pants.

Outright defiance earned said kid a spanking through the diapers, in addition to corner time.

While I have no way of knowing, I'm sure soaker training pants were MILES more comfortable, then old-fashioned bulky cloth diapers with pins attached, worn with rubber pants over.

Adding to my children's discomfort, when I got around to changing them after corner time, I'd whip their rubber pants off at lightening speed, to add to the overall discomfort they were going through, and I always used two diapers at a time when diapering, which ensured the stereotypical penguin-like waddle.

 

[Pink Elephant]

In addition to... kids loathe being taken away from their toys and playtime, so I used to capitalize on that, too.

Pick kid up from wherever they were, whisk them off to the bedroom, plop them down in the crib, pull their rubber pants down, unpin their diapers, then leave kid to wait impatiently with rubber pants around their ankles while another diaper was readied (folded) and applied.

When bottom was changed, I'd lift said kid out of crib, stand them on the floor, administer a couple of smart pops on their rubber pants with the flat of my hand to remind them who's in charge, then send them waddling back to what they were doing prior to change-time. No carrying them back to where you got them from.

In other words, make change-time inconvenient.