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Told difficult child she can't move back home. Wondering if I did the right thing?
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 633183" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>Needza, so sorry. I know this feeling well. I think most of our difficult children aren't capable of being independent, at least in ways we consider independent. Yet somehow they always find a way to get by. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes it helps me to remember exactly what I HAVE done, to remember that I really HAVE tried everything. I even keep a list, called "Thinking of Getting Involved? Read This First!" Because there is always one more thing we can do, and we grasp at it, just to make this terrible feeling of powerlessness go away, even if it is just for a few minutes or hours. We forget that we might have tried that very thing, and gotten kicked in the teeth for it. </p><p></p><p>In my case I might be so happy that he has a place to sleep tonight. I might even get my "mothering" fix by cooking him dinner and knowing he's eaten well for the first time in awhile. But I don't take myself through what comes next, of trying to sleep when I see he is online all night and promised to be up and about early applying for jobs, of watching him get up at 3 PM looking like crap and him snarking at me, and I realize he snuck out to get drunk after I finally fell asleep. I forget about having to get him OUT again and all the manipulation that goes with that, of how much notice I will have to give him so I will feel I've been fair even though he hasn't been fair to me. I forget about that 2 weeks or a month of my stomach and head hurting while I stew in resentment that I really brought on myself, because this is the way it always goes when he moves back in, and I forgot that.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry you have to be here, but I'm glad you found us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 633183, member: 17720"] Needza, so sorry. I know this feeling well. I think most of our difficult children aren't capable of being independent, at least in ways we consider independent. Yet somehow they always find a way to get by. Sometimes it helps me to remember exactly what I HAVE done, to remember that I really HAVE tried everything. I even keep a list, called "Thinking of Getting Involved? Read This First!" Because there is always one more thing we can do, and we grasp at it, just to make this terrible feeling of powerlessness go away, even if it is just for a few minutes or hours. We forget that we might have tried that very thing, and gotten kicked in the teeth for it. In my case I might be so happy that he has a place to sleep tonight. I might even get my "mothering" fix by cooking him dinner and knowing he's eaten well for the first time in awhile. But I don't take myself through what comes next, of trying to sleep when I see he is online all night and promised to be up and about early applying for jobs, of watching him get up at 3 PM looking like crap and him snarking at me, and I realize he snuck out to get drunk after I finally fell asleep. I forget about having to get him OUT again and all the manipulation that goes with that, of how much notice I will have to give him so I will feel I've been fair even though he hasn't been fair to me. I forget about that 2 weeks or a month of my stomach and head hurting while I stew in resentment that I really brought on myself, because this is the way it always goes when he moves back in, and I forgot that. I'm so sorry you have to be here, but I'm glad you found us. [/QUOTE]
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Told difficult child she can't move back home. Wondering if I did the right thing?
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