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Told difficult child she can't move back home. Wondering if I did the right thing?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 633201" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Hi, Needz</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening to you and to your daughter. Most of the parents here have been through the same desperate dance with our own kids. We really do get what it feels like to love them so much, to obsess about what we might have done or what we might have done differently. We absolutely get the frustration of coming up with solution after solution, of enacting plan after plan, and of feeling that it must be somehow our failure when nothing we can do and no attitude we can take with our kids changes anything.</p><p></p><p>And then there is that late night phone call.</p><p></p><p>And our defenses are shot because we've been worried sick about them, and the whole thing starts again.</p><p></p><p>As those who posted before I did wrote you, there are tools and techniques to help us learn a better way to navigate through the strange, senseless things our difficult child kids seem determined to do.</p><p></p><p>For right this minute, for the decisions you need to make right now, these are the things that helped me:</p><p></p><p>Take time. Whatever your child presents with, you say nothing. </p><p></p><p>Take time.</p><p></p><p>Some of us envision ourselves sitting on our lips.</p><p></p><p>No panicked response.</p><p></p><p>Before you reply to your child, run through a brief mental list of what it is she would have to have done for herself already before you will help.</p><p></p><p>That is key.</p><p></p><p>We actually hold all the power, here.</p><p></p><p>What do you need to see from this child before you are willing to help her?</p><p></p><p>Until she has made those changes in her attitude or position, the only way you can help her is to let her take the consequences of her own actions.</p><p></p><p>She will never change until she has a reason to.</p><p></p><p>You, me, all of us here on the site who are trying to parent difficult child or addicted kids have to learn how to say no, and how to let our kids take the consequences we told them would result from their actions.</p><p></p><p>That is a really hard thing to do.</p><p></p><p>But you aren't alone with it anymore.</p><p></p><p>We are right here. </p><p></p><p>:0)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 633201, member: 17461"] Hi, Needz I am sorry this is happening to you and to your daughter. Most of the parents here have been through the same desperate dance with our own kids. We really do get what it feels like to love them so much, to obsess about what we might have done or what we might have done differently. We absolutely get the frustration of coming up with solution after solution, of enacting plan after plan, and of feeling that it must be somehow our failure when nothing we can do and no attitude we can take with our kids changes anything. And then there is that late night phone call. And our defenses are shot because we've been worried sick about them, and the whole thing starts again. As those who posted before I did wrote you, there are tools and techniques to help us learn a better way to navigate through the strange, senseless things our difficult child kids seem determined to do. For right this minute, for the decisions you need to make right now, these are the things that helped me: Take time. Whatever your child presents with, you say nothing. Take time. Some of us envision ourselves sitting on our lips. No panicked response. Before you reply to your child, run through a brief mental list of what it is she would have to have done for herself already before you will help. That is key. We actually hold all the power, here. What do you need to see from this child before you are willing to help her? Until she has made those changes in her attitude or position, the only way you can help her is to let her take the consequences of her own actions. She will never change until she has a reason to. You, me, all of us here on the site who are trying to parent difficult child or addicted kids have to learn how to say no, and how to let our kids take the consequences we told them would result from their actions. That is a really hard thing to do. But you aren't alone with it anymore. We are right here. :0) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Told difficult child she can't move back home. Wondering if I did the right thing?
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