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Told difficult child she can't move back home. Wondering if I did the right thing?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 633217" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Remember, you can't control your mother either. If she wants to enable your daughter, let it go. It's not your decision. In the end, she will probably not want to keep on doing it. If she calls you and gives you a hard time because she gets sick of it or wants to berate you for not letting her live with you, you can set a boundary such as, "Mother, I will gladly talk to you about anythhing except "Susie." She is off limits as a topic we can discuss." Your mother will either respect your boundary or get very angry and abusive as all dysfunctional people do when they are given a boundary. If she does, you can also add, "And, please treat me with the respect I treat you with or else I won't listen. I'll hang up." If she continues, gently hang up.</p><p></p><p>Most of us are fixers and were doormats. We have to learn to respect ourselves and we do that by respecting the decisions others make while holding fast to our own and by not engaging anyone who is abusive to us, either physically or verbally. We hold our head up and detach from those who do not treat us well. That's our goal, at least. It took me a long time, but I feel I'm almost there. I just don't have the time or patience for anyone who wants to fight with me when all I want is serenity and peace. My decision to live a calm, peaceful, loving life free of abuse is a decision I will not bend on. </p><p></p><p>What do you want for your future? How can you get there? I thought about this a lot and had a lot of therapy and Twelve Step before I could get to this place called "almost serenity." (Being high strung, I struggle to stay here, but I have found it easier and easier to do the more I practice.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 633217, member: 1550"] Remember, you can't control your mother either. If she wants to enable your daughter, let it go. It's not your decision. In the end, she will probably not want to keep on doing it. If she calls you and gives you a hard time because she gets sick of it or wants to berate you for not letting her live with you, you can set a boundary such as, "Mother, I will gladly talk to you about anythhing except "Susie." She is off limits as a topic we can discuss." Your mother will either respect your boundary or get very angry and abusive as all dysfunctional people do when they are given a boundary. If she does, you can also add, "And, please treat me with the respect I treat you with or else I won't listen. I'll hang up." If she continues, gently hang up. Most of us are fixers and were doormats. We have to learn to respect ourselves and we do that by respecting the decisions others make while holding fast to our own and by not engaging anyone who is abusive to us, either physically or verbally. We hold our head up and detach from those who do not treat us well. That's our goal, at least. It took me a long time, but I feel I'm almost there. I just don't have the time or patience for anyone who wants to fight with me when all I want is serenity and peace. My decision to live a calm, peaceful, loving life free of abuse is a decision I will not bend on. What do you want for your future? How can you get there? I thought about this a lot and had a lot of therapy and Twelve Step before I could get to this place called "almost serenity." (Being high strung, I struggle to stay here, but I have found it easier and easier to do the more I practice.) [/QUOTE]
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Told difficult child she can't move back home. Wondering if I did the right thing?
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