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Told our difficult child not to come home for holidays, feeling regreted but we just had to...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 702760" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>How old was she when you adopted her and what were her biological parents like? Honestly, i have adopted many times. Love helps, but nature seems to trump nurture. Also adopting a child who was neglected before you loved her is risky...many are already damaged and unable to make strong attachments to their family and others.</p><p></p><p> I adopted a six year old who lived in another country. He is very smart and prosperous. For ten years plus he has not seen is us and has rejected us completely. There is no logic to attachment disorder from our view. It makes sense if you read about it. This can happen even with some young adoptions. And also in divorced homes too. Early neglect seems to cause the young ones brain to change to a ME mentality as those around them are not reliable. Often it becomes a way of thought for them. "I WILL TAKE CARE OF ME. NOBODY ELSE DOES. SCREW OTHERS!" This starts when a baby is hungry and screams and nobody comes or a bottle is propped pr there is no steady one person caregiver who tends to the .needs. </p><p></p><p>I was thinking adoption when I read your description of her behavior, but thought you'd bring that up of it were so. It sounds to me as if she does not attach well even to those who love her. This doesnt happen to all adoptees. I have three others who are loving and attached. But it happens enough. And it isn't her fault or yours and requires usually early attachment therapy and sadly nobody is sure of the right method of treatment.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for your pain. Do you have other loving family? I'd focus on those loved ones who can love you back and loving yourself...hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 702760, member: 1550"] How old was she when you adopted her and what were her biological parents like? Honestly, i have adopted many times. Love helps, but nature seems to trump nurture. Also adopting a child who was neglected before you loved her is risky...many are already damaged and unable to make strong attachments to their family and others. I adopted a six year old who lived in another country. He is very smart and prosperous. For ten years plus he has not seen is us and has rejected us completely. There is no logic to attachment disorder from our view. It makes sense if you read about it. This can happen even with some young adoptions. And also in divorced homes too. Early neglect seems to cause the young ones brain to change to a ME mentality as those around them are not reliable. Often it becomes a way of thought for them. "I WILL TAKE CARE OF ME. NOBODY ELSE DOES. SCREW OTHERS!" This starts when a baby is hungry and screams and nobody comes or a bottle is propped pr there is no steady one person caregiver who tends to the .needs. I was thinking adoption when I read your description of her behavior, but thought you'd bring that up of it were so. It sounds to me as if she does not attach well even to those who love her. This doesnt happen to all adoptees. I have three others who are loving and attached. But it happens enough. And it isn't her fault or yours and requires usually early attachment therapy and sadly nobody is sure of the right method of treatment. I am so sorry for your pain. Do you have other loving family? I'd focus on those loved ones who can love you back and loving yourself...hugs! [/QUOTE]
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