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Told our difficult child not to come home for holidays, feeling regreted but we just had to...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 702801" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I mentioned attachment disorder to make you realize you did not do anything wrong. I think we all look back sometimes and think we lacked something or failed. Sometimes our child has issues that really do have nothing to do with us. If that makes our hearts a bit lighter, good. We don't need guilt on top of what we deal with. In your case, this is likely so. You did all you could; loved her every day.</p><p></p><p>Having said that, there is no one way to handle this. We all have our own path, pace and comfort zone. I think not inviting her for the holiday is a big step toward detachment. I agree that we can be very hurt by trying to stay in a child's life if they request us not to be. That goes for all who want us gone...it hurts but it is not respectful to do anything else. And it is healthier for us in the long run</p><p> Nobody needs constant hurt, abuse or rejection</p><p>And if the loved one does not want us in their life, and we feel comfortable with totally letting go, we owe them nothing. I've gone through this. I get it. It took years to realize it hurt more than helped me to try and keep getting ignored by my son. Fortunately I have other awesome kids and a husband who lives me and you fortunately seem to have others who love you too</p><p> They are blessings.</p><p></p><p></p><p>It is important to set boundaries we are comfortable with, attachment disorder, mental illness or not. I know it hurts, but this is not your fault and you can't do anything g about it at her age. in my opinion you are doing all you can. Fortunately your daughter will be able to support herself. So can my son. So we know they will be okay.</p><p></p><p>I wish you peace, which is why I brought up that she may be unable to attach for reasons that have NOTHING to do with all the love she had and has. Bad behavior toward others is never okay.Ypu should in my opinion never accept it</p><p></p><p></p><p>Big hugs and blessings.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 702801, member: 1550"] I mentioned attachment disorder to make you realize you did not do anything wrong. I think we all look back sometimes and think we lacked something or failed. Sometimes our child has issues that really do have nothing to do with us. If that makes our hearts a bit lighter, good. We don't need guilt on top of what we deal with. In your case, this is likely so. You did all you could; loved her every day. Having said that, there is no one way to handle this. We all have our own path, pace and comfort zone. I think not inviting her for the holiday is a big step toward detachment. I agree that we can be very hurt by trying to stay in a child's life if they request us not to be. That goes for all who want us gone...it hurts but it is not respectful to do anything else. And it is healthier for us in the long run Nobody needs constant hurt, abuse or rejection And if the loved one does not want us in their life, and we feel comfortable with totally letting go, we owe them nothing. I've gone through this. I get it. It took years to realize it hurt more than helped me to try and keep getting ignored by my son. Fortunately I have other awesome kids and a husband who lives me and you fortunately seem to have others who love you too They are blessings. It is important to set boundaries we are comfortable with, attachment disorder, mental illness or not. I know it hurts, but this is not your fault and you can't do anything g about it at her age. in my opinion you are doing all you can. Fortunately your daughter will be able to support herself. So can my son. So we know they will be okay. I wish you peace, which is why I brought up that she may be unable to attach for reasons that have NOTHING to do with all the love she had and has. Bad behavior toward others is never okay.Ypu should in my opinion never accept it Big hugs and blessings. [/QUOTE]
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Told our difficult child not to come home for holidays, feeling regreted but we just had to...
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