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Told our difficult child not to come home for holidays, feeling regreted but we just had to...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 702805" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think you are absolutely right to tell your daughter to not come home for the holidays. She clearly does not add anything positive for the holidays and you have the right to peace and safety in your home. She is an adult and if she wants to be in her home town for hte holidays then she can fund her trip home and her stay there on her own. </p><p></p><p>WHile education is important, I think you need to reconsider funding her tuition. She has not upheld ANY of the things you asked of her, and you asked VERY MINIMAL things. Instead she has abused your credit card, your finances, everything she has agreed to, thrown knives around your home, ruined your trips to visit her (and those sound like very calculated and expensive things done to ruin your trips so that you won't take trips to visit her or so that you will be financially unable to visit her, esp given her insistence upon going to do expensive dining once she was released from the hospital and her anger when you were too exhausted to do that). I would tell her to fund her education on her own, and would cut off all funding to her at this point, simply telling her that you are not capable of paying for her expenses because she has run up too many expenses and not kept to a single agreement, so her education is her responsibility.</p><p></p><p>As for your mother's accusation that you are not 'committed' to parenting your daughter, this is ludicrous. Your daughter is an adult. Is it time for your daughter to assume responsibility for herself, for supporting herself, and for her own choices. Your role is that of the parent of an adult. Your role is to encourage her to be responsible for her own choices and to insist that she feel the results of her own choices. Your job is not to make her life easy, or to keep her a child. Your daughter was able to move to another country and strike out on her own, so she is able to take responsibility for herself. Your mother can move on and stop meddling in your relationship with your daughter because she isn't helping. </p><p></p><p>You and your husband have done all you could, have gone above and beyond really. Please don't beat yourself up about what you could or should have done differently. NO ONE could parent a difficult child in such a way that the difficult child would be happy. Especially if that difficult child has borderline personality disorder. It is time to find what will make YOU happy and will give YOU peace and joy in your life. If others object to this, let them keep their objections to themselves. Share your love, peace and joy with your cats and those who are happy for you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 702805, member: 1233"] I think you are absolutely right to tell your daughter to not come home for the holidays. She clearly does not add anything positive for the holidays and you have the right to peace and safety in your home. She is an adult and if she wants to be in her home town for hte holidays then she can fund her trip home and her stay there on her own. WHile education is important, I think you need to reconsider funding her tuition. She has not upheld ANY of the things you asked of her, and you asked VERY MINIMAL things. Instead she has abused your credit card, your finances, everything she has agreed to, thrown knives around your home, ruined your trips to visit her (and those sound like very calculated and expensive things done to ruin your trips so that you won't take trips to visit her or so that you will be financially unable to visit her, esp given her insistence upon going to do expensive dining once she was released from the hospital and her anger when you were too exhausted to do that). I would tell her to fund her education on her own, and would cut off all funding to her at this point, simply telling her that you are not capable of paying for her expenses because she has run up too many expenses and not kept to a single agreement, so her education is her responsibility. As for your mother's accusation that you are not 'committed' to parenting your daughter, this is ludicrous. Your daughter is an adult. Is it time for your daughter to assume responsibility for herself, for supporting herself, and for her own choices. Your role is that of the parent of an adult. Your role is to encourage her to be responsible for her own choices and to insist that she feel the results of her own choices. Your job is not to make her life easy, or to keep her a child. Your daughter was able to move to another country and strike out on her own, so she is able to take responsibility for herself. Your mother can move on and stop meddling in your relationship with your daughter because she isn't helping. You and your husband have done all you could, have gone above and beyond really. Please don't beat yourself up about what you could or should have done differently. NO ONE could parent a difficult child in such a way that the difficult child would be happy. Especially if that difficult child has borderline personality disorder. It is time to find what will make YOU happy and will give YOU peace and joy in your life. If others object to this, let them keep their objections to themselves. Share your love, peace and joy with your cats and those who are happy for you! [/QUOTE]
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