Too Much Detachment?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Tiapet, May 20, 2008.

  1. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Is there such a thing? When I was in therapy a couple of years back now I discussed with the therapist detaching from situations. There had been so much going on over the years between my ex and difficult child's going on (and at the time little difficult child's weren't displaying gfgdom but other health related issues-stressors).

    I had perfected the art of detachment from oldest difficult child and it helped getting her and I to where she was doing well (and I). I couldn't detach from any of the other situations at the time. As time progressed though I started detaching and this is what I discussed with the therapist. My concern of detaching too much. You see for some reason I have like a switch where I either detach completely (read as numb/auto-pilot) or I can't detach.

    It feels really weird to me and I haven't seen anyone else mention this on here so I was wondering if anyone else has ever felt this or experienced it? I'm also wondering if it's a weird post traumatic stress thing that is causing it. Like when I get triggered and so overwhelmed I just shut down/off. I mean I function and know what I'm suppose to do and how to handle everything but I just go numb and unemotional over anything. It's strange and scary and I don't like feeling like this at all.

    Maybe this is just too much information? :(
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Not too much information :) Sounds like your coping mechanisms just need a little fine-tuning. I struggle with the same thing sometimes. I don't like getting sucked into certain dramas because of how crazy it can make me feel, and so I also end up going the other direction as a form of self-preservation.

    I think it takes some practice in allowing yourself to experience your feelings, but then also to acknowledge that they are only feelings and that they will pass.

    I think it's good you have the self-awareness to see what's happening. Perhaps your therapist can give you some ideas on babysteps for working on this.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911


    read about flight or fight response (google it) and maybe a tweak with your therapist about finding gray area in your harmony.

    I'm living proof that you CAN go from black and white thinking to gray thinking. Meaning - I, like you either went all one way or the other. It was so frustrating to my Mom growing up. I can't even tell you why I thought like that, but growing older with difficult child I found myself having those same thoughts (ALL OR NOTHING) creep back in.

    I dont' want to be like that at all with him, but if you check out the flight or fight response it will explain what is going on and you can go from there to finding a more even keel thought process regarding deatchment.

    It's not weird, it is NOT unusual, it does happen to the best of us and it's hard when you have been like that your whole life to turn it off. But...not impossible.

    I'm able to find middle ground now, but I too have to watch when I start thinking like that. Because somedays I'm not sure if I want to come back from being totally detached. It's a safe place. Not comfortable, but safe.

  4. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    This has not been happening all my life. This started happening after a build up of "events" (can not/will not go into them here) that occurred over a period of years that accumulated. So hence why I think of it as a triggered response. If it occurred all my life I wouldn't think of it so strange. Yes, Star it is fight of flight like and also the form of self preservation (now because of my own health reasons).

    I guess I need to get back into therapy again. There is just so many hours in a day/week for appointments between my medical ones, the difficult children therapy/docs. 1 hour drive to the place (they are all in 1 central location). We have scheduling conflicts galore now! ugh. Not trying to find excuses what so ever as I've been thinking I really need to do this prior on my own as it was. The price of gas has now become a huge issue as well since it seems I can't get anyone to coordinate appointments for us all very well!

    Thanks Ladies, at least I don't feel quite as alone with this now.