Too tired to fight it tonight, but the difficult child's are playing husband

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Jan 7, 2010.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I am kinda ticked right now.

    I made something for dinner that the kids don't normally have (cheese enchiladas). Okay, well difficult child 2 orders it when we go out, but he didn't care for the way I made it (had olives on it which turned him off). easy child took one bite begrudgingly and then made herself a bowl of clam chowder instead. Fine. difficult child 1 ate his and said it was a little spicy for him, but o.k. Then ate his tuna sandwich from this afternoon. difficult child 2 pushed his around the plate without eating any, then made himself a bowl of cereal and a tuna sandwich, but ended up only having room for the cereal. Fine. I have no problem with that.

    Well two hours later, difficult child 1 sees this Carl's Jr. coupon and asks to call husband who is on his way home on his 1 hour commute after a 15-hour day, and he asks husband to buy him a burger at Carl's on the way home. And then when difficult child 2 hears this conversation, he pipes up that HE wants something, too! And husband is OBLIGING THEM!!! :mad: :faint: Is it just me or is there something very selfish and wrong about this situation?
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    Oh no sir! No way. Eat what I make or make something else (like tuna or cereal) but no way should poor husband have to stop after his long commute. I'm with you.
  3. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Nope, wouldn't happen here. Or if it did, it wouldn't again.

    My kids aren't picky but there are things s/o and I like that the kids don't. Things we all like but easy child doesn't. Or difficult child doesn't. Heck, I'll cook something they like that i would never touch.

    In those situations, I know ahead that so and so won't eat it. i always have a alternative to offer that the person who won't eat what I made, can have. It isn't negotiable. Example: difficult child can't stand lasagna. Rest of us love it. Decide to make it. Night before, I make something we all like, including difficult child. I make an extra meals worth and put it on a plate in the fridge. Next day I make lasagna. I serve difficult child his plate from night before in place of our lasagna. Period.

    On the rare occassion it is a spontaneous choice to make something someone won't like, and I haven't got an extra meal to supplement someone with, the choice is limited. I will offer: canned pasta (alphagetti or ravioli), grilled cheese sandwiches, boxed mac and cheese, canned soup, microwaved weiners. Something they will eat that I can easily make without effort additional to my meal. There is no "I don't want that though". They use that excuse up by getting out of what I was making in the first place. I don't run any restaurant, the day I do, I want the chef salary!!
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Onyxx and Jett found out the hard way - eat what I make. Don't have to eat a LOT of it, but must clean their plate. THEN and only then may they ask for something else - and THEY must make it.

    For a while, this made for a lot of sitting at the table with Jett for hours. Now he just eats what he's given and then asks for something else.
  5. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I don't believe in the "clean plate club" even if you are talking small servings.

    BUT, I think that unless the child is an infant or has some sort of problem affecting glucose levels and the like, isn't going to kill them to wait until the next meal.

    My mother, who has Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) and to this day can only tolerate a limited variety of foods without literally starting to gag, was made many times to sit overnight to force her to eat.

    If she didn't eat, well, she was allowed to go to bed, and the SAME food was presented in the AM.

    We always had tuna or fruit or soup in the house and were welcome to eat that instead of the main meal.

    I was rather surprised to hear about my grandfather's attitudes on food because we come from a culture in which food plays a major role.

    The only thing I can attribute it too was the combination of his being a very rigid Aspie, and Britain being under such strict rationing during WW1
  6. Farmwife

    Farmwife Member

    I stopped playing the restaurant game when difficult child was in third grade. We did the picky stage, he went to bed hungry a couple times from being stubborn and then life went on.

    I may have a difficult child but that doesn't mean I can't be stubborn or difficult in return sometimes. (especially when it needs doing)

    The script at our house:

    I prepare a meal, take it or leave it.
    Didn't want it at dinner time and hungry later? Same thing is waiting on a plate.
    Don't want it or want a snack? Go eat an apple.
    Don't want an apple? Must not be hungry then because a hungry person would eat food, any food.
    Didn't finish your dinner? The rest of it is waiting in the fridge for breakfast.

    Reasonable meals are something I don't negotiate on. If anybody complains I just stop cooking and go on strike.

    difficult child now eats anything, even things he says eewww to. He even eats spinach, raw or cooked. I may be lost on everything about difficult child but meals is the one thing I have figured out.

    I have also gotten my brother in law to eat things that he hates too. I must be the tummy whisperer.;)

    Is there a way you could make a plan with husband? It sounds like the kids are undermining your authority by playing him. Would he have stopped if you had called and "asked"? A little something along these lines maybe: "Honey the kids decided my dinner wasn't good enough to eat and think you should get them burgers after your 15 hour day, what do you think about that"? It's amazing how things change depending on what information is expressed. husband may have been too tired to get into "it" with difficult child's. Sometimes 5 bucks in drive thru is worth it to come home to quiet. Maybe he needs you to step in and lay down the law.

    sidenote: The easiest way for my difficult child to stay out of trouble and have twisted amusement is to manipulate tension between stepdad and I. Maybe make a plan to only eat out on so and so day/s IF kids eat politely rest of week. Then they have to earn it rather than manipulate for it.
  7. Iamwipedouttoo

    Iamwipedouttoo New Member

    It is eat what I make or make something else for yourself here.

    We had this come up a few weeks ago here. I was making tomato soup and grilled cheese as an easy meal one night (horrible difficult child day, forgot to take somethign out of our freezer for dinner!). DS immediately complained that he didn't want that (no meat with this kid no like!) and was promptly told that was what we were having if he didn't like it he could help himself to PB&J or whatever leftovers he could find in the fridge. He was not happy.

    When husband got home he asked what was for dinner and then told me he probably wouldn't be eating since he had a late lunch. I dont' have a problem with someone not eating because they aren't hungry - no big deal.

    Then it happens!

    While I am in the middle of grilling the sandwiches for me and daughter my husband asks DS if he wants to go out to grab some hot wings!!! The interesting thing was DS and husband couldn't understand why I was mad.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    So long as it is a "once in a blue moon" happening, I think it's a typical teen issue and probably brought about a "our Dad loves us" feeling. Parental bonding with teens is often based on little memories like this.

    on the other hand, I would share with husband that buying a replacement or supplemental meal for the kids should be, at best, something that happens once or twice a year. That way he will know in advance that you want the family to eat what you fixed for eonomic reasons and out of respect for the cook! DDD

    PS: I still very fondly remember one night (yes after bath and bedtime) my Dad woke me up and said "Want to go have a banana split?" My Mom was not a happy camper. ;) Sitting in the restaurant with the HUGE banana split in front of me :D I wished I was still in bed and didn't have to eat that thing, lol. BUT when I remember my little girl life...that night is vividly and lovingly saved in my brain. It was Dad and Me.
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I think this is terrible on many levels...

    Number One--it's a bit of an insult to you and your cooking. A polite person would have tried it, and even if they didn't care for it, would have done their best to have a least a little bit out of respect for your effort at cooking something special and unique.

    Number Two--You had already made alternatives available to the special food you had prepared.

    Number Three--When the kids fixed themselves those alternatives, they didn't even finish THOSE, thus wasting even more food.

    Number Four--They then felt entitled enough to ask their Dad, who had already put in a very long day, to do this special favor for them and purchase more food, even thought hey had already wasted quite enough at home.

    Now I might be in the minority in my opinion here, but to me, this is more of a respect issue than a food issue....and perhaps a discussion needs to be had about respecting your parents efforts (making a special meal), their time (husband has such long hours at work and so few at home), and their money (no matter what your income, you certainly cannot afford wasting food at home in order to buy something out.)

    That's just my opinion...

  10. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    I'm in the minority here, too. I have a lot of special food needs in my house including all girlfriend/CF food, a vegetarian who for a while couldn't eat soy, a picky eater who doesn't like many vegetables or food mixed together, and a husband who won't consider being a vegetarian.

    I worked for probably 10 years at getting everyone to eat mostly the same thing before I gave up! Because of the girlfriend/CF diet, I have to do a lot of cooking. If someone doesn't like what I make, they can make their own.

    In your situation, I wouldn't want it to happen very often, but I would be ok with it the way it happened. They did find something else to eat at the time and it was only later that they found out they could get something else. Like someone else said, once or twice a year would be ok.
  11. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Thanks everyone for the honest feedback. It's nice to know I'm not just being a demanding parent.

    A few minutes after I posted above, I laid a little guilt trip on difficult child 1 for calling his dad and asking him to do this after the long day he'd had. I told him I thought it was very selfish and inconsiderate. He got the message and said he'd call him back to "cancel the order" and I said he should apologize to his dad, too. Unfortunately, when he got through to husband, he was already in line at the drive-thru -- so difficult child 1 didn't bother to tell him (would have really p.o.'d husband if he had, I can guarantee that), but he did thank him again profusely before hanging up, and then again when he got home.

    And what the difficult child's didn't finish last night, they took for lunch today :)

    I don't think they'll be doing that again. And I told husband when he got home that I thought it was ridiculous of them to do to him, and foolish of him to agree to it. He mumbled something about "it is what it is" and wandered off. I know he enjoys doing things like this for the kids, but there's a fine line between spoiling and doing something nice. And he crossed it last night.