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Too tired to stress anymore.
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<blockquote data-quote="More2Life" data-source="post: 714616" data-attributes="member: 22043"><p>Thank you all so much for your support and suggestions. Recoveringenabler I really appreciate all the suggestions and empathy regarding my situation. I will see what kind of therapy is out there. I can't go on this way. The hardest part and you mentioned it in your post is coming from a dysfunctional family. Oh yes indeed mine was, and unfortunately because it was all I knew I also married into more crazy and my daughter is a product of that environment so I feel very guilty about that.... and my daughter knows it.</p><p></p><p>I think the hardest part is that I have been doing a lot of research on psychological disorders over the past 3 yrs trying to find the answers. Because of that I'm breaking out of my cognitive dissonance and allowing myself to remember all the abuse I suffered from my family and my 2 marriages. Because of this I came to realize I was born into a family of Cluster B disordered people and due to my "training" to enable the abuse I felt at home in a sick way with other abusers later in life. So, my daughter got to be raised in similar sickness and got to see me in my enabling glory. She learned not only to be an enabler herself but also how to manipulate me by pulling my heart strings. I know get it that this is not "normal" I have been no contact with my entire family for over a year now and it's been nothing but relief and I don't regret it at all. It's probably one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. </p><p></p><p>So now, my daughter and grand children are all the family I have now and this is why it's so difficult to even think of detaching from them. I love them all so much. I hope my daughter comes around. But what if she doesn't? I have got to learn how to draw some boundaries and stick with them for once. I know every time I give in that it only reinforces my daughters belief that I'm not serious. I've got to be serious because this last time something broke</p><p>and I know I can't take much more. I deserve a life with joy and happiness, free from the fear guilt and obligation that I shouldn't carry as much as the next person and would like to experience that in my life before I die, yes? There is "more to life" and I want that without feeling guilty for wanting it and pursuing it for once.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="More2Life, post: 714616, member: 22043"] Thank you all so much for your support and suggestions. Recoveringenabler I really appreciate all the suggestions and empathy regarding my situation. I will see what kind of therapy is out there. I can't go on this way. The hardest part and you mentioned it in your post is coming from a dysfunctional family. Oh yes indeed mine was, and unfortunately because it was all I knew I also married into more crazy and my daughter is a product of that environment so I feel very guilty about that.... and my daughter knows it. I think the hardest part is that I have been doing a lot of research on psychological disorders over the past 3 yrs trying to find the answers. Because of that I'm breaking out of my cognitive dissonance and allowing myself to remember all the abuse I suffered from my family and my 2 marriages. Because of this I came to realize I was born into a family of Cluster B disordered people and due to my "training" to enable the abuse I felt at home in a sick way with other abusers later in life. So, my daughter got to be raised in similar sickness and got to see me in my enabling glory. She learned not only to be an enabler herself but also how to manipulate me by pulling my heart strings. I know get it that this is not "normal" I have been no contact with my entire family for over a year now and it's been nothing but relief and I don't regret it at all. It's probably one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. So now, my daughter and grand children are all the family I have now and this is why it's so difficult to even think of detaching from them. I love them all so much. I hope my daughter comes around. But what if she doesn't? I have got to learn how to draw some boundaries and stick with them for once. I know every time I give in that it only reinforces my daughters belief that I'm not serious. I've got to be serious because this last time something broke and I know I can't take much more. I deserve a life with joy and happiness, free from the fear guilt and obligation that I shouldn't carry as much as the next person and would like to experience that in my life before I die, yes? There is "more to life" and I want that without feeling guilty for wanting it and pursuing it for once. [/QUOTE]
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