Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Too tired to stress anymore.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="More2Life" data-source="post: 714675" data-attributes="member: 22043"><p>Hello recovering enabler, no I'm not in CA but wish I was. Been googling my area for support groups and so far none that way. Will call around to see and check out NAMI. I actually have gone to a couple of codependency groups years ago and use to be heavily involved in Alanon for about 4 yrs. It was while in Alanon I first learned about detachment and back then it was about detaching from my abusive alcoholic/drug addict husband. I think this is where I start to hit the panic button regarding my daughter. See I learned the steps and did a good job of detaching from my then husband. So good in fact that he couldn't handle how healthy I was becoming. In turn he just up and left claiming to seek work out of state when actually yes he found work but also went back to using drugs and drinking heavily. I know he thought by leaving me destitute that I would change back to my enabling self. I didn't and in fact felt even stronger day by day. After 3 months MIA I get a knock on the door from the police who informed me he had been in an auto accident and had been killed (yes he was drunk and high at the time) and was driving recklessly by speeding and took a sharp curve at double the speed posted. I think or I know because of that whole experience with detaching I now fear the worst in detaching from my daughter. I KNOW the worst really can happen. With my husband the outcome wasn't that devastating because the real devastation was the hell he'd put me through while together.</p><p></p><p>With my daughter and grand kids I would be totally devastated. Still I know, yes, I've got to learn to do this with her and not let the past experience prevent me. If I don't the outcome could be worse. I don't have to stop loving them, I just need to stop enabling and live my life and as you said "Detachment doesn't mean you do not see your daughter or grandkids (although it can), it means you detach from their behaviors, dramas, bad choices, manipulations, chaos and anything else that is a negative for you." yes, I agree. </p><p></p><p>So much more I'd like to say but just overwhelmed right now. The tears come from nowhere or somewhere bottled up inside for years. I can't hold them back anymore and I don't want to. I've hid my feelings so long and I'm sick and tired of not being allowed to cry when I hurt or to vent my frustration and anger. When I was a child I had no choice but to do as I was told and keep everything inside. I'm an adult now and need to learn how to express myself, set boundaries and protect myself and yes, learn to love myself and live my life for myself. I'm glad I found this forum. I really need to let it all out but I'm not at a place I feel comfortable with doing that in my real life social circle. Thanks for your help and support and most of all for listening.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="More2Life, post: 714675, member: 22043"] Hello recovering enabler, no I'm not in CA but wish I was. Been googling my area for support groups and so far none that way. Will call around to see and check out NAMI. I actually have gone to a couple of codependency groups years ago and use to be heavily involved in Alanon for about 4 yrs. It was while in Alanon I first learned about detachment and back then it was about detaching from my abusive alcoholic/drug addict husband. I think this is where I start to hit the panic button regarding my daughter. See I learned the steps and did a good job of detaching from my then husband. So good in fact that he couldn't handle how healthy I was becoming. In turn he just up and left claiming to seek work out of state when actually yes he found work but also went back to using drugs and drinking heavily. I know he thought by leaving me destitute that I would change back to my enabling self. I didn't and in fact felt even stronger day by day. After 3 months MIA I get a knock on the door from the police who informed me he had been in an auto accident and had been killed (yes he was drunk and high at the time) and was driving recklessly by speeding and took a sharp curve at double the speed posted. I think or I know because of that whole experience with detaching I now fear the worst in detaching from my daughter. I KNOW the worst really can happen. With my husband the outcome wasn't that devastating because the real devastation was the hell he'd put me through while together. With my daughter and grand kids I would be totally devastated. Still I know, yes, I've got to learn to do this with her and not let the past experience prevent me. If I don't the outcome could be worse. I don't have to stop loving them, I just need to stop enabling and live my life and as you said "Detachment doesn't mean you do not see your daughter or grandkids (although it can), it means you detach from their behaviors, dramas, bad choices, manipulations, chaos and anything else that is a negative for you." yes, I agree. So much more I'd like to say but just overwhelmed right now. The tears come from nowhere or somewhere bottled up inside for years. I can't hold them back anymore and I don't want to. I've hid my feelings so long and I'm sick and tired of not being allowed to cry when I hurt or to vent my frustration and anger. When I was a child I had no choice but to do as I was told and keep everything inside. I'm an adult now and need to learn how to express myself, set boundaries and protect myself and yes, learn to love myself and live my life for myself. I'm glad I found this forum. I really need to let it all out but I'm not at a place I feel comfortable with doing that in my real life social circle. Thanks for your help and support and most of all for listening. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Too tired to stress anymore.
Top