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Too true!
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 657676" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>"He'll just yell at me ~ because he doesn't get it, mom. He's not like you and me. That is part of how this happened. I needed more from my father (which will always remain some unspoken amorphous thing no one wants to clarify) to be the man we both need me to be. Help me, mom. He doesn't understand "us", he is different than "us"."</p><p></p><p>That's how it was in my house. From both kids, about their father. At our house, it was the one who could get to the guy with the money who was both the target and the good guy in this version of good cop/bad cop manipulation. I would be the good cop who understood why that money was needed. D H would be the grouchy old bad cop who never let us eat pizza in front of the T V on Saturday night or else why did we only do that when he wasn't home. We had so much fun together ~ remember mom, when I was little we did that. (Touching the mother heart, here; hope and pain and loss and grief so you can't really see anything just the way it is, anymore.) And etc. It worked for years and sometimes, it still works. We are vulnerable to our children. It must be a forever thing because I am still a pretty big sucker where the kids are concerned. And for D H? We are still trying to figure out just how big an a**ho** D H really is.</p><p></p><p>Both D H and I are trying to figure that out. Over the years, everyone began looking at themselves and everyone else differently and no one knew what was really true, anymore. The only thing I did know was that it wasn't my kids who were at fault.</p><p></p><p>That is still true.</p><p></p><p>They are perfect in every way (other than those one or two little problems with addiction or emotional illness ~ which could happen to anyone) to this day.</p><p></p><p>I don't know why I think that way.</p><p></p><p>Because I'm the mom, I guess.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 657676, member: 17461"] "He'll just yell at me ~ because he doesn't get it, mom. He's not like you and me. That is part of how this happened. I needed more from my father (which will always remain some unspoken amorphous thing no one wants to clarify) to be the man we both need me to be. Help me, mom. He doesn't understand "us", he is different than "us"." That's how it was in my house. From both kids, about their father. At our house, it was the one who could get to the guy with the money who was both the target and the good guy in this version of good cop/bad cop manipulation. I would be the good cop who understood why that money was needed. D H would be the grouchy old bad cop who never let us eat pizza in front of the T V on Saturday night or else why did we only do that when he wasn't home. We had so much fun together ~ remember mom, when I was little we did that. (Touching the mother heart, here; hope and pain and loss and grief so you can't really see anything just the way it is, anymore.) And etc. It worked for years and sometimes, it still works. We are vulnerable to our children. It must be a forever thing because I am still a pretty big sucker where the kids are concerned. And for D H? We are still trying to figure out just how big an a**ho** D H really is. Both D H and I are trying to figure that out. Over the years, everyone began looking at themselves and everyone else differently and no one knew what was really true, anymore. The only thing I did know was that it wasn't my kids who were at fault. That is still true. They are perfect in every way (other than those one or two little problems with addiction or emotional illness ~ which could happen to anyone) to this day. I don't know why I think that way. Because I'm the mom, I guess. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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