So tonight is the big night where I go without my Geodon for the first time in four years. In that four years I haven't had one single manic episode once. Now I am afraid of the withdrawals. I already know that more than likely I won't be sleeping for awhile. Nothing but Geodon has ever gotten me to sleep. So I have the next week off of work and I'm hoping that my body will adjust sooner than later and help me to fall asleep at least within a few days. Then there's the manic part. Geodon has been the only pill I have ever taken that has wiped away my mania completely. I am afraid it will come back with a vengeance. A nice, pleasant hypomania would be nice. That's when I am full of energy, in a super good mood, and my house is really clean all the time. I also tend to excersise a lot and right now I really do need it. But when it turns to full blown mania I can get dangerous. And I'm not the most pleasant person to be around, to put it mildly. I can get mean and angry. My kids are my worst triggers. Everything they do annoys me when I'm manic. I can get pretty loud. And I don't want my kids to go through that again. With all the stress I'm under with moving, work problems, and now battling for custody of easy child, now is probably not the best time to mess with my medications. But I feel as if I have no choice. The tardive dyskinisia is out of control. And I've been in this depression for four years. So I am going ahead with changes. Hopefully it won't be as bad as I think. Please wish me luck and well wishes that I get through this in one piece.