Total Meltdown

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Jun 22, 2009.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    difficult child did not want to go to day camp this a.m. He has been complaining about it for 2 wks. I've only signed him up for two camps: this one, which is a tech-science camp where you take apart appliances and rearrange them into interesting inventions, and another one next wk, which is a sleepaway camp.
    I need my time alone to work.
    All he wants to do is play sports and shooting games on his PS2.
    These camps are logical solutions, in my humble opinion.
    So, last night, difficult child came into my ofc and said, "Can I ask you a tiny favor? Don't get upset when I don't go to camp tomorrow."

    He'd been totally obnoxious to husband all day (Happy Father's Day, thankyouverymuch) and this was the last straw. He spent the previous night with-a friend and we know they didn't get much sleep, so we're back to not allowing him any more sleepovers. (I'll break that news to him another day.)
    I sent him to bed.
    This a.m., he refused to get up. I called husband, who was at work, and he talked to difficult child, and it only got worse.
    difficult child used his arm to wipe off everything from the top of his dresser. Threw everything he could get his hands on. Slammed the door to the bedroom. I heard more banging and crashing.
    1000 baseball cards.
    Every dresser drawer.
    Pens. Pencils. A container of 409 spray.
    He hasn't had a tirade like that in months.
    After about 10 min, I went into his room to tell him I was leaving with-o him to register at camp.
    He was getting dressed, and in a nasty tone of voice, said so.
    Just then, husband called and said he was on his way home. I told him he didn't need to.
    Then difficult child said he wasn't going to talk to me all day. Fine by me. ;) One min later, in the car, he berated me (luckily, day camp is only 10 min away) and insisted that he wasn't really our kid, and if the courthouse burned down with-all the adoption papers in it, where would he be? There would be no proof.
    I entertained myself with-the thought that he would be living in a trash heap like Slum Dog Millionaire, but kept my mouth shut.
    "Get that smirk off your face!" he shouted. "This is not funny."

    We got on campus and the pres of the univ walked by the car, so I rolled down the window to greet him. He is a retired senator, as well as the U pres. difficult child refused to turn his head or make eye contact. The pres took my hand and said (smirking), "I'm sure there are lots more interesting things to do than to meet a university president."
    Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggh, I was so embarrassed! :anxious::ashamed:

    In the pkng lot, difficult child continued, "This is a NERD CAMP! They wear matching nerd t-shirts and do nerd projects."
    "Without nerds," I replied, "there would be no PS2s or computer games."
    "I DON'T CARE!!!!"
    Ooookay. I'll remember that.

    There was a long line outside, so despite the hour it took to get difficult child out of bed and going, we were on time. Shock.

    I walked to my car and phoned my little sister, singing "Alleluia" from Handel's Messiah, until she chuckled and said, "What's going on?"
    "I just dropped off difficult child at camp. He tantrumed and trashed his room but now I'm FREE ALL DAY!!!!"

    I'm off to paint a bit. :alien:
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    P.S. I suspect he will like the fall football camp at Parks and Rec better.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry that he is being so difficult. Are you planning to let him keep all the stuff he trashed when he tantrummed in his room? When Wiz was acting that way I usually didn't let him keep the stuff he tossed around. Less stuff in his room = less stuff to throw around. Whether I did this or not depended on why he was acting that way. If it was because he didn't want to do something, or he didn't like a house rule, then he lost the stuff. If it was because he was hurting and couldn't express it, or because something that had happened to hurt him, then I wasn't always so tough.

    I am glad that husband was willing to come home and help - he seems really supportive that way. What does husband think the consequences for the trashed room should be?

    I hope it gets easier for you.

    One thing husband and I did (and it may or may not work for you all) was that if one of the kids started having a fit over not being allowed to do something, or of having to turn something off (it was almost always the computer or tv or gameboy) then that iten had to go away for a while.

    Essentially we felt that if tv was so terribly important that a child had to hurt someone or destroy things if they couldn't have it, then that person needed some time without it so that they could see the world has more to it than just tv (or whatever). We had/have kids who can get so focused on something with a screen that they won't engage in real life. It never seemed healthy, so we would "broaden their horizons" with removal of electronic privileges at times.

    That may not work for you. It was always a really tough few days and we couldn't alway do it. It did help my kids learn that if they had a fit then they were going to lose whatever it was that was more important than treating the family and the home with respect.

    Enjoy your day and the rest of hte week. And especially sleep away camp!
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hope your painting is enjoyable, and that difficult child has toned himself down before he comes home.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you.
    I sat next to him in the conf hall and he immediately apologized for this a.m. He said he didn't mean anything he said.
    I said, "So tomorrow will be different? Just get up and go?" and he said, "yes."
    Whew. :hangover:
    In the car, I told him it would come as no surprise that he would not get his elec equip back. He said it did come as a surprise and got very angry. He said he would clean up the mess in his room and earn back the PS2 and mouse. I told him I would seriously consider it. But I didn't commit 100%.
    He is doing very well right now, playing with-our new kittens (which I got for husband for Father's Day, despiteh is allergies) and the kittens really calm down difficult child.
    His room looks much better. Although I'm afraid to look in the closets ...
    I'm serving dinner early (right now) and will discuss the room, etc. with-husband when he gets home.
    Yes, it is nice to have husband on the same page. It only took him 10 yrs. ;)
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like a horrific morning. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm taking it he had some fun at the camp today?

    My difficult child threw a huge fit today about not going to camp. It's stupid, he wants to stay home (he is bored out of his mind), he hated us for sending him, he wasn't going to go, wasn't going to get dressed, etc...

    Went to pick him up, he had a great time and is more than willing to go back tomorrow!

    Why do they always have to be so difficult?
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sharon, that sounds exactly like my difficult child.
    I didn't get a chance to feed my son that early dinner ... he fell asleep on the couch, with-the kittens, and slept for 2hrs straight.
    I think he didn't sleep at ALL during that sleepover.
    He is much better today.
  8. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I guess that he was scared...but gee willikers, why can't they just say that????
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, he would never admit it, for one thing. :)

    For another, he'd rather stay home and play PS2 games. But he wouldn't admit that, either! :)
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am having flashbacks reading this! LOL! I hate these days. My 18 yo just threw a spoon into the sink because I will not run out to bring her somewhere - so I can get ready for HER graduation party.

    I just ignore it now. It helps!

    I am glad he turned it around. It is OK to reward the turn around, but his punishment should be the clean up.

  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you!

    We survived the week.

    On Friday, he was, of course, in a foul mood. After getting on my case about something insignificant, he turned his back and we parted ways. But I stopped halfway, and since it was so crowded and noisy with-all the kids, he didn't even notice I was watching him. He sat down by himself in a row, and a kid who recognized him immediately went up and started talking, and difficult child broke into a huge smile and engaged with the kid, having a great time.

    Just like a lightswitch.

    I'll never know why I'm on the wrong end of the lightswitch, but at least he has a good time at camp, despite his protests.