hi yup it's me again, i'm sorry i'm posting away. came back married and happy and within 3 weeks its' all come unglued with-difficult child. this is a total vent, i need it, dont' know where to put it. dont' even read it if you dont' want to. i'm tired. exhausted. cant' remember last time i got 7 hours of sleep. been struggling since june. been struggling for past several years trying to find what can help my kid. different doctors, therapists, all promising the world all delivering ****. tried every approach known to man, research everything, am very proactive in her care and treatment, and yet still nothing. it just keeps seemingly getting worse. kinda at point where i'd like to throw her in truck, go far away with-her just the two of us and get her away from it all. not healthy but who cares. have parents texting calling asking about her, hoping rumors dont' begin in this tiny clickish sucky neighborhood. i hate i cant' help her, never have been able to long term and this is who she is. i hate my ex h he's the most self serving moron i've ever met. whose issues superceed his logic. who was asked to come see his kid this weekend and tells me well i have plans. i hate my neighborhood and fact i have no friends here except for one who works full time, parents here are insane and can't stand any of them. hate my husband's family who i think personally belong on their own island. again morons. his ex well let's just say she could be gone tomorrow god forgive me and my life would be easier. how he stayed married to that pyscho is beyond me and makes me wonder about him at times. hate him rightnow too who is mad i dont' have time for him and his sexual needs, yes i said it. after 3 nights is complaining we haven't had our time. my answer i can't even post that i'll get removed from group. i love him dearly i'd have to to withstand all the stuff he has brought into my world. yet in moments like this i could just strangle him and shake him. he's soo add and wont' admit it or get help man sleeps 4 hours a night and expects rest of world to function same. again moron. my word of day. scariest thing of all is that once i solve this new difficult child problem. all the old problems await. oh i also hate doctors'. the good ones papolos, rosalie greenberg, etc. who claim they can help yet get you on phone, hear your desperation and than turn and say sorry that'll be 5k. jerks. i hate trying every medication under the sun for this poor kid since 7 and promsiing her this one will work yet never getting true relief of her symptoms for her. i hate her world is filled with therapists, pills, broken promises, and overall ****. ok i think i'm done hating ppl for today. thanks for letting me get that out. was either that or wipe dresser off with my hand which we know i wont' do because raging leaves a mess idont' wanna clean.