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Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Dec 29, 2008.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Calling social services is a phone tag game that apparently they don't have any interest in ending. I quit giving him the increased depkote dose after that.
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2008
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} How drained you must be! I hope I'm not forward in writing this, but do you sleep with your bedroom door locked? I think even hanging a bell or wind chime on your door could alert you if difficult child becomes even more unstable or escalates while you sleep.
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    klmno, first off, big hugs. You did the right thing tonight.

    Second, we as parents of difficult children endure so many strange episodes that we start to normalize them. What went on tonight is not normal. No kid in his right mind would pull a stunt like that. If he acts as if he's enjoying this, that sounds like "affect inappropriate to the situation," which is a symptom of mania. I urge you not to lose sight of continuing to fight to get your difficult child help. He needs it, and so do you.

    Please keep us updated.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Last edited: Dec 30, 2008
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sending hugs to you. This is just so dang HARD. I am glad teh cops seem to "get it" that this is a mental illness problem and not just "defiance" or whatever they call it.

    I hope you have no more problems tonight, and that tomorrow you can find a bed in a good facility.

    If you can't lock your door at night, at the very least put a bottle balanced on the knob. At one point I filled a plastic water bottle with nuts and bolts from the garage so it would make noise if it fell. That way if Wiz tried to come in it made some noise to alert me.

    I am so impressed with how you are coping with all of this. difficult child is lucky to have you.

    Many gentle hugs,

  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thank you, SW!! You keep me sane and focused many, many times!! I told the cops tonight that when difficult child gets agressive or even extrremely irritable, it is hard to gage when it's resulting froom the depressive end or the manic end of the spectrum- even psychiatrist has difficulty sometimes with this. Thus, sometimes medications are given that seem to push difficult child even further away from the normal realm, or they can send him from one extreme on the spectrum to the other extreme.
  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Please keep yourself safe. Keep your phone (cell and house) on you at all times. Don't hesitate to call again if you need to. I can understand your fear of state hospitals, but that choice is a better one than the alternative of you not being there anymore.
  8. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Can you place a piece of furniture against the attic door? I fear he is going to continue to escalate. Maybe not tonight, but soon. More {{{hugs}}} for you and difficult child.
  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Wow - Klmno - You are amazing!

    It has to be super hard to go through what you did. Hard to call the police, hard to watch those tasers pointed at your son, hard to watch your son handcuffed, hard to make those psychiatric hospital decisions, hard to watch the police drive off while your son is back in his room.

    You are such a strong warrior mom. You handled that very well.
  10. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    oh sweetie, so sorry, gentle hugs....I semi-know how you feel, the polie seem to frequent my house on a regular basis, although (knock knock) they have not been here in about a month.
  11. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I am so glad you called 911 tonight. You may want to consider what everywoman has said about the state psychiatric hospital. It could be the better alternative to what could happen. I wonder if you would have had him admitted there if by tomorrow, beds would have opened up and you could have had your son moved to another psychiatric hospital?

    It is concerning to think that your son may be enjoying this. Just reading the posts you have written, I get the same feeling too. Sorry to be so blunt, but that is such a bad sign. I'm sure he must feel quite smug pulling these stunts, you calling the police or whoever and then nothing comes of it. I bet it is very empowering to him.

    Don't you find it interesting that he will commit violent acts against you and then when the police arrive he is able to follow their directions and comply? If one is manic, are you manic always or just in 5 - 10 min. intervals? I'm curious.

    It's interesting that he doesn't act this way to others, or does he? It's interesting that you requiring something of him that he doesn't want to do makes him become edgy and then he asserts himself violently towards you. It seems that he is exerting his power and control over you. Has he EVER acted out violently, physically or using knives or hammers against you when you offer to take him out to eat, give him computer time, go to the movies, go shopping etc.?

    Just some food for thought here of things that I have wondered about. Has any psychiatrist or psychiatric hospital ever done any kind of personality testing on your son? I get the feeling that there is just so much more going on here. What do you know about his bio dad?

    Big hugs as I know what you did took great strength. This just has to be so draining on you in so many different ways. Keep your cell nearby and an eye open tonight. Keep letting us know how things are.
  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    AMEN to THAT!

    So hard to keep our perspective during times of crisis, and you are doing a fantastic job there! Please guard your safety. He needs to know this isn't a game.
  13. ML

    ML Guest

    I think you made the best decisions and I'm proud of you for calling the cops. Know that you have our collective spirit with you as you make these difficult choices and continue to fight for difficult child.

    My husband was a social work case worker for many years in another state. I will ask him if he has any thoughts, though likely he won't. He is just as frustrated with the system as the rest of us.

    Thinking of you and sending prayers. Sent you a pm. xo ML
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks everyone!

    Momto3: Normally when cops come, difficult child ends up with more happening. He was tdo'd 10 days ago. He's been arrested a few times in the past. A report is always written and then difficult child finds out from PO and/or judge if he's put back in detention, on a monitor, etc.

    Re. mania vs bad conduct - that is what is sometimes difficult to distinguish- even for psychiatrist. difficult child first exhibited signs like this 3 years ago. at that time, we did deal with it as bad behavior and it kept getting worse. It was only after it suddenly stopped, then started again the following year, and a pattern was noticed, along with picking up on other signs of instability that the diagnosis changed and we are dealing with it differently now.

    Still, there are times when he just does something wrong- every action he makes is not a direct result of mental illness, I'm sure. But, in periods of instability, the "strange" behavior can be there intermittently and sometimes things can "jolt" difficult child into calming down for a bit. But, it will come back until that period stops- either by medication changes or (I think) when the cycle just ends on it's own- change of season, maybe.

    We are starting our 4th year with this- in some ways that makes me feel so worn down. In other ways, it helps to see such a pattern. What has been different this time is this usually doesn't start until later iin the winter. But, the depression in the fall was there again this year- and worse than usual and we tried medication changes that might have made things worse. And, there probably is some pushing of this by difficult child as he gets up in teen years and grows even bigger and stronger.

    Neither psychiatrist nor another psychiatrist who evaluation'd difficult child as an MDE felt like there was indication of a personallity disorder. Of course, if aggression started becoming more predominant than other things or started being there even when mood cycling isn't happening, I think that would change. We'll just have to wait and see about that one. But, I know that both psychiatrists asked questions re. difficult child along those lines and he had a neuropsychologist evaluation/testing, school records have been reviewed etc. So, all things could change depending on how this develops.

    EW: I think it's safe to say that if there is ever a repeat of this, it will be handled differently. difficult child knows I've always raised him where if he gets by with something once and he slides through that one, the next time he gets a pretty major warning and the stakes increase, then if it still happens, action is taken. This situation is obvioussly not typical- so I haven't handled it the same as if difficult child just disobeyed a house rule, but he still should know that he's never been able to just do whatever he wants and not expect anyone to do anything about it. Oddly enough, when difficult child is stable we do have conversations about this sort of thing and sometimes, it is difficult child who intiates the conversation. He has even stated that going to a psychiatric hospital for a few days does not help when he's having thoughts and temptations that he cannot control or that he's scared he will act on. With this one, obviously others are involved but I think they are thinking the same way I am about this. Unfortunately, I don't think difficult child can or would be moved from state psychiatric hospital if he went there.

    I know nothing about his father's mental health history. Nothing would shock me in that regard- except that if there is an issue there, I would be shocked if he's getting treatment for it, or even realizes that he needs it.
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2008
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    KLmno, I am sending strength and hugs. What a night. What a month.
    I am hoping that you stay safe and calm, and that your difficult child is able to learn something constructive from this. I so want you to find a medication that works for him.
    I wish I had some words of wisdom.
  16. klmno, sending hugs and strength to you.