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Failure to Thrive
Tough decisions, setting boundaries...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 722411" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Gail, I believe you've made the right decision. Your son is 32 years old, it is time for him to face the consequences of his choices. You've been paying for his lifestyle and you've been held hostage by his choices, as many here have been. There comes a point for most of us where we have to recognize that we did not cause this, we can't control it and we cannot change it. It appears you've reached that point.</p><p></p><p>If you haven't already it may be a good time to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here.</p><p></p><p>If our adult kids do not ever suffer the consequences of their behavior, they never learn how to change, there is no reason to. We are the ones who must change and what that often means is to stop enabling bad behavior, to set strong boundaries, to say no as a complete sentence, to let go, to detach and to accept what we cannot change.</p><p></p><p>Many of our kids live in shelters. Your son will only be there for a short time. It may be just enough for him to begin to shift his behavior. Or not. But either way, it's his behavior which lead him there, not yours.</p><p></p><p>You sound realistic and ready to focus on yourself, which is a healthy and positive choice. Often we become depleted, exhausted and anxious because we cease to take care of ourselves, all of our attention is on our kids.......over time that is a recipe for serious depression. Take care of YOU now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 722411, member: 13542"] Gail, I believe you've made the right decision. Your son is 32 years old, it is time for him to face the consequences of his choices. You've been paying for his lifestyle and you've been held hostage by his choices, as many here have been. There comes a point for most of us where we have to recognize that we did not cause this, we can't control it and we cannot change it. It appears you've reached that point. If you haven't already it may be a good time to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. If our adult kids do not ever suffer the consequences of their behavior, they never learn how to change, there is no reason to. We are the ones who must change and what that often means is to stop enabling bad behavior, to set strong boundaries, to say no as a complete sentence, to let go, to detach and to accept what we cannot change. Many of our kids live in shelters. Your son will only be there for a short time. It may be just enough for him to begin to shift his behavior. Or not. But either way, it's his behavior which lead him there, not yours. You sound realistic and ready to focus on yourself, which is a healthy and positive choice. Often we become depleted, exhausted and anxious because we cease to take care of ourselves, all of our attention is on our kids.......over time that is a recipe for serious depression. Take care of YOU now. [/QUOTE]
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Tough decisions, setting boundaries...
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