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Tough Love is killing me
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 651289" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Oh my dear WearyMom - I so completely understand. I've said "Why" over and over. We didn't ask for much. We felt we were reasonable, even lenient. Why couldn't he live by simple rules (basically, work, don't do drugs and don't steal)? Why would he hurt us? What is going on with his head? How could this be happening? And the biggie - What did I do wrong? </p><p> </p><p>I still want to understand why, even though it won't change anything. The not knowing, not understanding, may be the hardest part of this. </p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>This too. My son always calls me...never my husband...because I was always the soft touch. But we quit saying yes and slowly it is better. He still calls sometimes and my stomach still drops when the phone rings. He never really asks for money anymore. Sometimes what he asks for, I'll say yes to. Sometimes I'll say no. I've learned that if I ignore him for a while, he finds some other way to get what he wants usually. </p><p> </p><p>Don't answer. Text instead of talking, that helps. No money. She will spend it on drugs. It's hard to not answer. It's very hard to not give money. I still struggle with it.</p><p> </p><p>You didn't say, has she been arrested? Does she have warrants? If she's arrested, I hate to say it, but it may be better for her if you don't bail her out, even if you can afford to do it. Keep the financial implications of bailing her out in mind if she runs off. </p><p> </p><p>I'm so very sorry you have to be here and I'm glad you've found us. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/group-hug.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":group-hug:" title="group hug :group-hug:" data-shortname=":group-hug:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 651289, member: 17309"] Oh my dear WearyMom - I so completely understand. I've said "Why" over and over. We didn't ask for much. We felt we were reasonable, even lenient. Why couldn't he live by simple rules (basically, work, don't do drugs and don't steal)? Why would he hurt us? What is going on with his head? How could this be happening? And the biggie - What did I do wrong? I still want to understand why, even though it won't change anything. The not knowing, not understanding, may be the hardest part of this. This too. My son always calls me...never my husband...because I was always the soft touch. But we quit saying yes and slowly it is better. He still calls sometimes and my stomach still drops when the phone rings. He never really asks for money anymore. Sometimes what he asks for, I'll say yes to. Sometimes I'll say no. I've learned that if I ignore him for a while, he finds some other way to get what he wants usually. Don't answer. Text instead of talking, that helps. No money. She will spend it on drugs. It's hard to not answer. It's very hard to not give money. I still struggle with it. You didn't say, has she been arrested? Does she have warrants? If she's arrested, I hate to say it, but it may be better for her if you don't bail her out, even if you can afford to do it. Keep the financial implications of bailing her out in mind if she runs off. I'm so very sorry you have to be here and I'm glad you've found us. :group-hug: [/QUOTE]
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