Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nancy, Oct 22, 2010.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How is rehab going? Is he out of detox yet? Are they giving him any medications? What is he saying about it?

    Hope I'm not too nosey but I've been thinking about you and I know how emotional those first days were for us.

  2. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Not too nosey at all. Thank you for caring and thinking of us!!! I called today to find out how he was doing. I talked with one of the therapists and he is doing pretty well. Might be a bit of the honeymoon stage but he seems to be connecting with the residents with a positive attitude rather than those who are more resistant. That is a plus right there. He also said he had some kind of epiphany and she had the feeling he had managed to turn his own mood.

    He did not need detox. That was the good news. Even though he has tried a bunch of different drugs, including a bunch of pain killers and possibly worse he was not to the point where he was physically addicted to anything to the point of needing detox. Plus he had been in jail for 2 weeks and I don't think had anything while he was there.

    He is allowed to have his cell phone there (they will monitor who he is talking to and address that if he is talking t his old druggie friends). So he has texted me a couple of times. I asked him how it was going and he said it was all right. Well that is like saying it is wonderful because normally he would tell me how much it sucked. So I take that as a good sign.

    I am doing much better. I am sleeping. I am starting to be able to focus on work. I am more relaxed. It put into perspective how awful the last couple of weeks have been really. I really don't think any mother should have to see her kid in jail. Although I am glad it happened because it is a strong motivator for him. I really like the fact that the court is now holding the heavy hammer so I don't have to.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That sounds very promising. I know after the first few days I was sleeping so much better and felt like a free person. You are right, it does put into perspective how awful things were. For me it made me more determined to never accept that life again. I knew I could never go back to where we had been. So when we had family day and we had to draw the line in the sand it was easy to tell her that unless she followed thru with the program and aftercare she couldn't live here anymore.

    Glad to hear he seems to be accepting treatment and is making friends with the right people, that's huge. We had a problem with that because difficult child seemed to be attracted to the negative ones, the ones who eventually got kicked out. Do you have to go down there to participate at all?

  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I posted about this to Nancy, and I want to repeat it to you. Rehab is tough on the entire family. If you have ANY chances to participate, family days, weeks or whatever, I strongly urge you to attend. i also urge you to go to alanon. 7 meetings in 7 days is not just for those who are addicted. It also helps the family because this is a family disease. ALL of you are affected, and many of the ways won't be realized until/unless you get some help. It is a sneaky, insidious disease that devastates entire generations. I am not just the sister of an alcoholic. I am also the grandchild of an alcoholic. Even though my parents drink only in moderation, I STILL learned patterns of living that were unhealthy because both my parents were children/grandchildren of alcoholics. There are books for Adult Children of Alcoholics and some meetings are ACoA Meetings, meaning they are Adult Children meetings. There are even books for adult grandchildren. I urge you to find a copy of a book called "The Laundry List" about behaviors we learn as adult children. It is old, and you may have to ask around to find it. It will open your eyes to the patterns that you learned with-o knowing it.

    Addicts of any substance who have family members who get help are MUCH more likely to be successful in their recovery.

    My gfgbro also spent 2 weeks in jail prior to going to rehab. He has called it the X County Betty Ford, and said it was the best thing for him because he realized that EVERY other man in jail with him was there because of something that was substance abuse related. ALL of them. He decided he did NOT want to have that for a future, just endless rounds of jail time.

    Then he went to an AWESOME rehab. My gfgbro is a diehard difficult child. Anything he has ever decided to do he did 1000%. NOt a typo, one thousand percent commitment. I think other difficult children may also do that. Not all addicts are difficult children prior to becoming addicted. in my opinion difficult children have a special very strong streak of stubborn determination. When my gfgbro went to rehab I told my mom and my husband that he would do it like he did everything else "Bawls to the wall". He used that determination so that he only had one very short relapse after graduating from rehab. A one day relapse, but still a relapse. Many people need to go to rehab more than once. No shame in that, in my opinion, but our difficult children are special. If anyone can do rehab just once and then live a sober life one day at a time after that, it is a difficult child.

    Your difficult child has shown that kind of determination in the past, hasn't he? He can apply that to his rehab and sober life and it will lead to amazingly good things.

    Just want to give you hope, the way it gave us hope when gfgbro was in rehab.

    Also, he may need meetings for years and decades to come. Lots of families think that addicts go to rehab and are fixed, that they only need meetings for a few months to a year and it is "over". It won't be "over", period. My gfgbro still has days that he needs a sitter for his daughter so he can go to a meeting, and he is about 7 yrs sober. Make sure that you let him know in the future that it is okay to go to meetings, even if he has to move a family event or visit to another time at the last minute.

    My gfgbro says that it is one of the BIG differences that makes being sober possible for him. He noticed the difference in support about meetings between how our family is and how his ex's family is, and asked some others about it. I wanted to mention it to you so that maybe it will be one of the things that will help your son have a more successful sober life.

    Many hugs, I know this is a very emotional time.
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Thanks for the words of wisdom. I am going to see if my husband will go to an al-anon meeting on Tuesday night. It is a meeting for parents of addicts. There is no way we can go to 7 meetings in 7 days..... but I do agree we need to go. The rehab program does involve parents and in fact that is one fo their requirements that family be involved. A lot of our involvement will have to be over the phone because our son is in FL and we are in the Northeast. They do have family days every Sunday so my husband and I are going to try and go down at least once or maybe twice in the 90 days. Some of it depends on if he wants us to come. I really feel, that although this is a family issue, it is also his issue. I think in the past I have almost been too involved and I think he needs to lead the way in what he needs from us rather than him feeling like I am telling him what he needs. Does that make sense. I am unclear how much he wants us to be involved.... there is such a push pull from him. He is in touch when he needs something and did call us last night and in fact sounded really good. Better than he has sounded in a long time.

    I also agree and I think he knows we will support him to the wall in his sobriety. I think he knows that without a doubt we love him and support him. We have shown him that in so many ways. That of course will continue.